How can I deal with undiagnosed, unrecognized, likely dementia?

With denial, there is a short conscious recognition of a problem, which is then relegated to the unconscious where it won't bother us - we hope. There's something wrong here, and I am not going to deal with it-until there are some kind of symptoms, and a good therapist or spouse can dig it out of my unconscious, lay it on the table, and cure my neurotic complex. A defense mechanism.
With dementia, the same brain that is losing analyzing functioning, is also losing the ability to "analyze itself, " like the Zen koan how can your eye see itself? or point to your right hand index finger with your right hand index finger.
In short, the dementia brain doesn't even know there is anything to defend against, put into the unconscious, or deny.
What's the problem with putting the container of milk in the dishwasher? I didn't do that. Ya wanna fight about it?
It's so sad.

@shmerdloff knowing all the science helps, in a way. Yet, one does grow weary of removing the milk from the dishwasher.
We’re not at that stage in this household. Thus, limbo.

@sunnygardens
Love it. This is ALL limbo.
If you don't become the ocean, you will ALWAYS be seasick. LC

@shmerdloff I’ll have to ponder that. So far, I can’t figure out how to become the ocean…….

@sunnygardens
No you. Just Ocean.
Unclench Let Go.
When I do my laps, after a bit, I am water. No up no down no left no right. I re-form when I come out of the pool.

I am going through the same with my ex spouse who’s 80 years old. Took her to her primary physician and gave him a note explaining her symptoms of memory loss; he then referred her to a neurologist, and it took me a couple of months getting her to go, when she finally did, I gave the same note to the neurologist who did a very superficial exam, mostly testing for neurological symptoms such es gait, coordination, etc… but didn’t even do a MMS ( Mini Mental Status) test. Instead he ordered a EEG (electroencephalogram) which I found out is a test primarily to rule out epilepsy; she has never had a seizure nor tremors, so I am back to square one, waiting in tenterhooks, as you wrote. Hopefully you will have a better outcome if you can entice him to go see a doctor. I suggest you take him to his primary for a consultation unrelated to his memory issues, and take a note describing his symptoms and casually give it to the doctor prior to or as he is entereing the office. Good luck!!

Could my friend’s memory problems really be caused by his thyroid? I’m getting scared, and telling myself maybe it ISN’T a dementia symptom.
But yesterday he claimed to have no recollection of his NP suggesting blood tests and a cognitive baseline test. That conversation took place ten days ago.
He has no one else. If it is dementia, I don’t want to be a caregiver again but I don’t want to abandon him.
It’s all too scary.

sunnygardens, it is really scary, but it could be thyroid remedied by hormone replacement or something else even more easily remedied. You'll help him find out and later you may have to abandon him, but you probably won't. I've been to lots of md consultations as a relative or friend. Almost always there is something the patient doesn't remember or remembers incorrectly. But there must be other suspicious memory lapses for the NP to suggest a baseline test. I hope he turns out to be healthy. Bless your struggle.

@sunnygardens
No you. Just Ocean.
Unclench Let Go.
When I do my laps, after a bit, I am water. No up no down no left no right. I re-form when I come out of the pool.