Struggling with my retirement plan

Hello:
No good advice here, just wanted to give you a supportive, virtual hug.
My husband decided to retire at age 65. I am younger than he is, and decided to retire early so we could spend our golden years together. So many plans!
Alas, things didn't go as planned. Less than 2 years into our retirement my husband was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia.
I don't plan long trips anymore because of the challenges associated with my husband's behaviors.
So, maybe just a little advice: if your husband isn't too bad off yet, retire early and go have fun before the 💩 hits the fan, so to speak.
Carpe diem. 🌻🌺🪻

@judimahoney
Good advice, wish I'd had it prior to my wife's fast aggressive dementia made such thoughts of travel and celebrations out of the question. Best you you, stay strong.

Gosh, that's a tricky one because you want to spend the upfront time with your husband now - while he has time but you have a job you love and enjoy. I'm sitting here thinking what I would do in your shoes since I'm up there in years, I have retired, and quite frankly, still want to work - and I'm almost 78. I'm not sure I'd retire right now. You love your job, you have the income, and insurance. You say he doesn't want to travel, so what would you do. Sit at home with him. You mention he sleeps alot. You'd be home by yourself. I would keep the job. OR find out if you can retire, and have them hire you back as an independent contractor several days a week. I don't know if that's even possible. It was while I was still working, but things have changed. And it's actually what I did with the company I worked for. And my husband did before he got MCI. I just don't know from what you described and the status/travel mindset of your husband and bathroom requirements, whether I'd retire. I think your job is your outlet, safety net, and security in all of this right now, until you are forced to retire. I do agree with @judimahoney about having fun while you can. But it sounds like to me, his mindset isn't in the "travel" game. Maybe for now, stay in the job you love, and try to plan some short local travel on Saturday's. Best, Karla

I understand your fears and concerns. They seem to be totally reasonable.

Given how much rest your husband needs, is it necessary to step away from your job altogether? Can you work more flexibly?

Have you discussed with your husband what he’s planning to do with his retirement? Can you work out together what works best for you both and makes you both happy?

Maybe asking that will help you find a way to keep working reduced hours while he does his things and then have time together to do things jointly?

Retirement (including how the freed up hours are going to be spent and whether you have enough money put aside) is something that really needs a lot of thought and planning, quite apart from adding in the complications of health conditions. You raise very valid concerns

There is no right answer to this... it is reliant on each individual. However, I will share my own experience.

I did retire early (at age 57) due to DH's dementia, and I do not regret it. Do I face the frustrations you mentioned (does traveling stress him out, is it easy to spend a lot of time sitting around the house, etc)? Yes! But then, I think about how on edge I would be if I were still working. I can't imagine trying to keep a check on DH while also trying to be effective at work.

My DH is still independent with his ADLs, and he can still mow the lawn and/or shovel the driveway, etc. However, he cannot be alone for long periods of time without concerns arising. For example, when a stranger comes to the door, he will tell them his whole life history. When we get a call from a telemarketer (or would-be scammer), DH will engage with their questions. I need to be here to run interference. If I were still working, I would need a way to address these issues, and others.

Also, I am enjoying the small moments that I would miss if I were working all day... the tender moments, the moments of laughter, etc. I would not want to spend the rest of my life wondering what I might have missed if I were still working. Because I am not working, it makes it easier to take walks with DH, cook healthy meals, and find ways to engage his mind.

When DH is napping, I spend my time reading more about Alzheimer's, learning all I can. I am also spending the downtime working on my house and on myself. I am participating in digital physical therapy through Sword Health, to address my osteoarthritis and increase my endurance. I am deep cleaning and decluttering, digitizing photos/videos, and doing all the things that will prepare my home should we need to move (or should something ever happen to me). I don't want our adult children having to do all of the cleaning-out that we had to do when my in-laws passed away.

I want to add, though, that I do miss my job and sometimes think I will go back to work one day, if or when circumstances allow it. My mother worked as an RN until she was almost 70, and she continued to keep her license active long after she retired, just in case she ever decided to return to work. I respected that and will do the same thing with my teaching certifications. I have finally realized that life doesn't have to follow some specific timeline I once imagined.

This is just one person's experience. You must do what is best for you, and for your loved one. Best wishes to you.

Thank you everyone. I'm so thankful for the insight and experiences you shared. A crystal ball would be really handy right now :/ Our 30th anniversary is next month and I think I'll try a short trip to see how he does to help with the planning. We had great plans to travel in our retirement, but I feel like those are not going to happen. Hugs to everyone dealing with this and thank you again.

@tak66, I have not walked the path you are on, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Might now be a good time to create a network of backup carers or plan for respite care so you can do things independently whether it be short trips with a girlfriend or continue working a little longer or time for you?