Dying Well

I am 75; 2 of my 6 brothers are alive ( only 1 stays in contact); 1 younger sister is alive and evil and has no contact. I have 1 son and we are in daily contact. I have downsized to a travel trailer RV, live in an RV Park and love it. In downsizing I asked my son to participate and take whatever he wanted, gave him original will, POA, and Medical Directive. Because we are both minimalistic, it's fairly easy to maintain although I still have several things that I don't know what to do with. I feel stuck, yet deep down I know that if I haven't used something in 2 years, I should probably get rid of it. Life is a journey and God has given me this time for a reason so I need to use it wisely.

@edsutton if you are having trouble doing this, you can hire a person to help, or even contact an estate sale company. Ideally, I will get most of it done over time…not too long !…first, want to be sure that I give valuables/very personal items to people before I go into the great beyond.

Over recent weeks I’ve grown closer to death, or death has grown closer to me, in particular via the deaths of two friends and the discovery of advanced lung cancer in a friend who had seemed very healthy two months ago.

Currently I’m very healthy, but realize that some day that will change, slowly or quickly.

My wife has survived two serious illnesses and has many nagging, uncomfortable problems in her aging body that demand attention every day, currently manageable.

For now we will continue to live in our little house, not certain of the long-term future.
For me this is a time of maximum freedom, if I can use it.

This has led me to a process of “death cleaning” in my mind!

I’ve lived an atypical life.
For reasons to be discussed by my psychoanalyst and me, I have lots of emotional leftovers from my past.
I spent much of my life “swimming upstream,” and this required strong will and intention, often in the face of difficulties that might have been avoided had I accepted the easy way.

Memories of my actions, my reasons, my efforts to understand situations, people and myself, can be a burden much like a house filled with too many precious objects. The person I was then does not exist any more.

It is as if too many ideas from my past self are sapping the freedom of my present life, whether it be one day or ten years.

So these days (in a process that I probably can’t control) I am going through my memories and selectively hitting the delete button, making room for today’s life. I don’t need so much of my past. Whew!

Getting ready to die can be a wonderful experience!

@ess77
I needed to read this, it reminds me to get my butt in gear. My mother and father (both remarried) had their affairs taken care of. My mother's passing was trying and I the medical community could have handled it better. Some things are out of our control but having all that is with in our control handled helps immensely.

@edsutton
Amen!! A friend of 30+ years died of a stroke last week, so many that I have known over the years have gone and I reminisce. My 83 years old brother and I talk about preparing for death (I'm 75) at our monthly lunch. We were alienated for almost 50 years and he has recently decided to come back into my life. We pray together and talk about "the old days".
You are right - preparing for death can be fun! Enjoy life!

@fbuckwalter and all... I am so pleased my message and my story helped you a bit. Yes... get that butt in gear! It only too me about 20 years to get it all done... Just since last October 2025 after a rough year of ER visits, hospital admissions, 2 month-long rehab incarcerations, and home health care forever did I finally get it done. Finally! It took a bunch and I still have several boxes of papers and junk to go through and toss of my parents, son and myself... Doing that now!

We owe this to ourselves and to our survivors.
Blessings. Elizabeth

@ess77 Oh, how I can relate: "rehab incarcerations"! I chuckled out loud, not because it's funny but because it's true. When I unexpectedly needed said "incarceration" about four years ago, my daughter and daughter-in-law researched and selected a local facility which met all the right criteria ~ it was even brand new (open only 6 months) and actually luxurious in addition to meeting the requirements for Medicare... except for sufficient staff...hence the feeling of incarceration. Not quite solitary confinement, but close. Thank you for calling a spade a spade in our similar experiences. From what I can gather, virtually all healthcare facilities remain short-staffed.
And, to the point of the subject of this thread ~ I've been decluttering for as long as I can remember. It just seems to be the "thrower" in me. And I've given (or noted on the back) to my children and their families things that they have indicated that they would like to have. You said it perfectly: "We owe this to ourselves and to our survivors." Amen!
Blessings and Peace,
Barb

@bjk3 Oh my gosh I love this. Rehab incarceration is an awesome term!!! I'm trying to do everything in my power to stay away from such "institutions". I do realize that it can happen to the best of us. Best thing to do is keep an active sense of humor and do out best to be patient.

@healthysenior , @ess77 ~
"Do our best to be patient" - good pun!! Actually, I have been thinking more about the process of choosing a rehab facility since this topic came up, since I know the hearts of my daughter and daughter-in-law who searched for the very best place they could find for my recouperation and therapy. I would not have thought to ask this question, prior to admittance, but it is absolutely essential and should be asked of the facility's ADMINISTRATOR: "What percentage of the staff are actual employees and what percent are 'agency support'?" I'm 79, and I remember how readily a person could assess the levels of preparation in years past. The professional nursing staff wore white dresses, white stockings, white shoes, and a white nurse's cap with stripes, the number of which indicated the amount of training they had earned. Today, almost all the staff are dressed casually with no designation as to their knowledge of the profession, so a visitor who is trying to determine the ratio of professional staff to the patients, might assume a high ratio as they observe people of "authority" coming in and out of rooms with nothing more than a name tag to designate the fact that they aren't themselves patients. A rather scary example for me was when I was told to put NO weight on one foot for several days, and needed to use the restroom. The white board at the entrance to my room, which had directions for the different shifts who would answer a call bell, stated in large letters "Needs 2 persons when walking". The "2" was thickly underlined. But many times only one would answer the call bell and find they couldn't manage me in a standing position because they weren't trained to do that, even if there were two. Being my own healthcare advocate while being immobilized and really out of control of most everything was something I hadn't anticipated, and having to assume that role added a whole new level of stress to what was already the daunting expectation of a good recovery. I'm not explaining this to criticize as much as I am to enlighten so that others may make informed decisions as they make choices for themselves, or for those of their loved ones. In closing here, I'll say, "Take care" and mean that most sincerely ~
Barb

Today in the New York Times.
(Hopefully the link works.)
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/30/well/medical-aid-in-dying.html