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Dying Well

Posted by edsutton @edsutton, May 4 12:07pm

Dying well is (hopefully) the last part of our efforts to age well.

As part of our life planning, we need to think about what dying well means for each of us.

And it is not easy to distinguish clearly between reasonably hopeful planning for our dying days and what is just “hoping for the best” while avoiding real preparation.

We need to recognize that at some point dying becomes something we cannot bargain with. It will eventually happen on its own terms.

It is reasonable to think about what we hope for, but then we need to ask “What can I do to increase my chances of dying as I hope?” and “What should I do to prepare for the possibility that things may not go as I hope?”

For those of us who are planning and making life/home adjustments to age in place, do we also hope to die in place? Do we also have plans if it turns out that dying in place is not possible? What are these plans?

I’ll share some personal things later, but will stop here for open ended responses.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

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blm1007blm1007 | @blm1007blm1007 | Jun 3 7:19pm
In reply to @fhardaway1 "I've recently decided that I'd. like to have a green burial, by which I can go..." + (show)
Profile picture for Francine Hardaway @fhardaway1

I've recently decided that I'd. like to have a green burial, by which I can go back to the earth.
No Embalming: Bodies are kept cool using natural methods like dry ice rather than toxic chemicals.
Biodegradable Containers: Only natural, easily decomposable materials (wicker, cotton shrouds, pine) are permitted.
No Concrete Vaults: Instead of using heavy, non-biodegradable liners, the body is placed directly into the earth.
Natural Memorialization: Graves are typically marked with natural, flat stones or native plants rather than large, polished monuments

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@fhardaway1 "No Concrete Vaults" I think some areas in the states require the concrete, you may already know this.
Otherwise I agree with all and do hope to avoid the concrete vaults.
Barbara

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edsutton | @edsutton | Jun 3 8:51pm

Be aware that funeral directors may say things are "required by law," when in fact it is not true. They may have been taught this in mortuary school and don't realize it's not legally required because it's what they've always done.

Books by Caitlin Doughty are a source of good information about death, care of the body and burial.
She is a mortician who has dedicated her life to promoting natural burial.

Simple burial options are becoming more common around the US.

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Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 3 10:17pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "Has anyone looked into the propriety of leaving a writing to be read at your funeral...." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

Has anyone looked into the propriety of leaving a writing to be read at your funeral. Is it loving parting words or a controlling hand from the grave (almost)? Bad taste?
A lady physician's epitaph at my go-to cemetery reads:
" Children. Before you go. One more thing...."
So far mine is "What did you expect?"
Anyone here thoght about theirs?
Commercial : "I want pepperoni on my tombstone." ( pizza that is).
Oh! and "I was hoping for a pyramid," or "Now I know something you don't."
The Death scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life.
Sorry to offend anyone.

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@shmerdloff To me, propriety signifies being socially or morally acceptable. I think if we want something to be said as "coming from our mouths", we should be able to say what we want. Of course, this is coming from a red-headed rabble rouser ;))
Ginger

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edsutton | @edsutton | Jun 21 9:49am

Well, we’re having quite a lesson in our co-housing community.

I mentioned that C. was diagnosed with advanced, spreading lung cancer late in May. Almost the same week M. was similarly diagnosed. Both are women, late 60s, never smoked.
The first step for each was genetic studies of their particular cancers.

M. won the luck of the genetic draw. Her cancer is specifically targeted by new medicines, and she is improving noticeably after starting treatments.

C.’s cancer has no targeted treatment. Her condition is deteriorating rapidly. It’s quite a shock to all in our community.

Not long ago C. was “planning to make end-of-life plans.” Now it doesn’t look like she has the strength to visit the natural cemetery she hoped to visit. She has good, close family who will take care of things as she wants.

I’ve had friends die of cancer, but never saw such rapid progression of the disease.

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ellu | @ellu | 1 day ago
In reply to @edsutton "Well, we’re having quite a lesson in our co-housing community. I mentioned that C. was diagnosed..." + (show)
Profile picture for edsutton @edsutton

Well, we’re having quite a lesson in our co-housing community.

I mentioned that C. was diagnosed with advanced, spreading lung cancer late in May. Almost the same week M. was similarly diagnosed. Both are women, late 60s, never smoked.
The first step for each was genetic studies of their particular cancers.

M. won the luck of the genetic draw. Her cancer is specifically targeted by new medicines, and she is improving noticeably after starting treatments.

C.’s cancer has no targeted treatment. Her condition is deteriorating rapidly. It’s quite a shock to all in our community.

Not long ago C. was “planning to make end-of-life plans.” Now it doesn’t look like she has the strength to visit the natural cemetery she hoped to visit. She has good, close family who will take care of things as she wants.

I’ve had friends die of cancer, but never saw such rapid progression of the disease.

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@edsutton

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