I am a very sad caregiver

Posted by karen8 @karen8, Jun 18, 2025

Hello as I noted, I have posted on this site before… my fiancé and partner of nine years has long Covid for the past four years and it has changed him totally- he is on disability and has gone from a very busy active man who fished and golfed and worked hard to sleeping on sofa good part of the time and can get winded just working in the yard for 10 minutes he was always a very physically, strong man he has lost so much weight and muscle mass. It just saddens me so.. The neurological changes are very hard for him .No fishing or golfing for over three years. it is such a life-changing illness, which unfortunately, NOBODY understands or talks about unless if they know somebody who has it . Even family member who I love just do not get it.… I also care for my 89-year-old mother, even though she lives in a senior facility she has dementia, and I have always cared for her through life and through all of her struggles. I think I just want to know does anybody else feel so incredibly empty? Sometimes I keep trying and trying to find an answer or do the right thing for my fiancé, but I realize I really cannot .excuse if this is a rambling note. Just as an FYI I love my fiancé Jeff dearly we are in this together and I love my mother dearly, but I am just so so tired thank you for listening.🦋
Karen

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tullynut | @tullynut | May 27 8:10am

JMHO…being a caregiver for TWO (in reality THREE - you MUST include
Yourself) requires very specific planning.

The missing link is often SELF-CARE. One week of every month you focus only on you. During that one week each month secondary caregivers are assigned/paid for specific care of mother and fiancée. You will have a chance to reboot yourself and it will benefit everyone. JMHO.

jc8 | @jc8 | May 27 9:47am

There are no words to comfort you except to remind you that you are doing God’s work. You are blessed in so many ways. I take care of my mother and my father who passed in 2008. It has been 20 years since I took on this responsibility. You and I are not alone. There are million of individuals who live our lives and we understand each other. Keep the faith. We are very special chosen people.

louissc | @louissc | May 30 7:43pm

Hi,

You’re not alone for sure. Will you feel tired? Sure. Will you feel unable to communicate to feel how you feel? Definitely. Will he feel the same? Sure. The worst question you can ever ask anyone with a question with such condition is “are you ok?”. He will definitely feel “how am I supposed to answer that? I hadn’t felt ok for the past X years don’t you know that?”. Just don’t let him feel it’s an obligation for you to take care of him, and you won’t feel it’s an obligation. I bet both of you will feel better this way. It’s all out of “love”. He will grab of hands because he trusts you, don’t let it feel like it’s you grabbing his hands due to your fear of being blamed because your fear of being blamed more than any other thing instead. Don’t let you and feel like it’s like living in a world not built for you. That’s never gonna happen. Look at famous people who adapted themselves in places not built for them. Nothing is impossible if both of you believe it is. It’s like a left handed person living in a world built for right handed people. You won’t know how each other feel. But hey, it’s not impossible to live a close to normal life. Really, it’s hard. But still, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Just don’t let it discourage you.

Cheers,
Louis