1. < Caregivers: Dementia
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My frustration is off the charts

Posted by grace4u @grace4u, Apr 27 9:18pm

My husband MCI diagnosed a year ago.… Memory loss, confusion, and processing issues. On top of that, his hearing is bad, even with hearing aids. And he does have focal seizuresat times. The tension in our house is constant.. my husband is unaccepting to all of this. If I raise my voice so he can hear, he gets angry. If I ask him to get a ride to a doctor appointment so I can have a break, he gets angry. ( he is not allowed to drive). If I point out some confusion or processing issue, he gets angry. He says I’m just making too much of all of this. Some days I don’t know how to deal. The confusion is extreme some days. Last week I felt some anxiety starting. Too many days without a break. Anyone experience anything like this? Any thots?

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hikingcaver | @hikingcaver | May 21 9:28am
In reply to @colleenyoung "@mariefor, getting a break is really important for your own recovery. Is there no adult day..." + (show)
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@mariefor, getting a break is really important for your own recovery. Is there no adult day care or respite care in your area?

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@colleenyoung
Thank you for your response - We tried a really good adult day care facility. One day - she hated it, and now she is beyond their capabilities. I do have help coming into our home - they give me some time to get 'stuff' done and relax a bit.
Still SO D.... hard to be seeing her abilities to live fading away..

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hikingcaver | @hikingcaver | May 21 9:31am
In reply to @shmerdloff "@bobcmcc Elizabeth Kubler Ross: denial, argument, anger, depression, acceptance (resigned) Stages of dealing with illness, or..." + (show)
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@bobcmcc
Elizabeth Kubler Ross:
denial, argument, anger, depression, acceptance (resigned)
Stages of dealing with illness, or a bad situation.

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@shmerdloff
One important part I think Ross is missing - sadness - and the complicated grief that comes form the ambiguous losses. Her book helped us immensely when we lost a son - a one time.clear cut loss. Dementia is so much more complicated in my opinion.

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judimahoney | @judimahoney | May 21 12:18pm
In reply to @elliottw "@hikingcaver wrote, "I can not imagine how it feels to see your SELF fading away physically,..." + (show)
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@hikingcaver wrote, "I can not imagine how it feels to see your SELF fading away physically, spiritually and cognitively..."

I watched Deb do Sudoku for years, so I think she knew something was going on. And it didn't bother her that she didn't know the day of the week. My 'theory' is the experience is more like a very young child not understanding how life works. And like a 2-year old, can become very frustrated. When its hard to understand your thoughts it is exhausting so they sleep alot . I hope I'm right.

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@elliottw
Yes, you are right I think. Their brains are working so hard to manage that it exhausts them.

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