Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?

Narcissism is difficult to deal with - a person usually becomes narcissistic before the age of 4! And if they are intelligent, they do learn how to deal with others somewhat normally. It is difficult for them, and it takes a lot of energy. Add dementia, and all borders disappear. I try to remember that they cannot control it and that it is not me! It is not something I have done - it is the narcissistic mind that has interpreted wrong. I keep these things to try and avoid - people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They are really good at taking advantage of others to get what they want, and they think they are better than everyone else, so they use guilt, and they think they need the perfect mate. Of course, we are not perfect, so there is a lot to criticize. They are really good at that. Besides remembering that it is their problem, I use avoidance - try to change the situation, go to the bathroom, or another room or outside.

I lived through this, too, kept a low profile, slept in another room, ate separately, never offered an opinion, never argued-used reflective listening to “give back” what he was saying. What really helped me was to embrace the AA concept of “loving detachment”. Google it, live it, and know that although you are living in “Crazyland”, it won’t be forever and you can have a quiet, rewarding life while he spins. “Loving Detachment” works.

My mother who died four years ago at the age of 103 had dementia and was extremely narcissistic and cruel and mean, and I did not live with her but ended up being the one who had to take care of everything it was hell until they put her on the drug called Seroquel it changed her personality completely. She became a sweet and all the meanness went away so I was grateful for that. It was really hard. She had dementia from the age of 85 until her death.

You hang in there. You sound like a saint.

My narcissistic relative lost that side of her when she got alzheimers . She is now enjoyable to be around. It has been said that those who are narcissistic are more likely to get dementia because their brain has to spend so much time pretending they are really special when they arent.

@centre Yes, I've learned to detach even before the mental decline so I've been use to it and it has saved my sanity. Another way I've phrased it is "you do you"...kind of lonely sometimes is all.

@johnnoregon I often what a person was like before??? I can’t imagine living in a negative environment.

Yes, my sister and I are dealing with our mother who is narcissitic and has dementia. She is angry all the time. Says terrible things to us, yells, belittles us, doesn't want us to leave her but then says she can take of herself better than we can (she cannot bathe herself, cook, or walk without a cane). Our mental health is being affected and we are doing our very best to care for her. In public she is nice but in private she is hurtful and manipulative. When visitors come, she only says hello and then leaves the room. Her grandkids don't like being around her but out of obligation they come to say hello to her periodically. She has never had interest in them and resents them for having our attention and she resents everyone whom she think has it better than her, which is basically everybody. It is a living nightmare.

@blue717
My brothers tell me to just leave the house when my mother gets verbally abusive. Only thing is that I will pay when I get back. Mom will ask, Where were you? Did you go eat with your friends? and try to make us feel gulity for not being by her side every minute. I wouldn't even able to enjoy myself if I were to leave. She has a way of making me and my siblings feel like we are bad children even though everyone is doing their best to give her quality of life. I understand losing one's memory can be scary. Doctors prescribed a med (I don't recall what it was) but when we read the side effects we decided not to give it to her because the med might alter her personality for the worse, not for the better and we didn't want to take the chance of making things worse. Glad you finally found a med that chilled your mother out. Thank you for sharing! At least we know we are not alone and that others are struggling as well.

Yes you are not alone. My wife at 67 and me at 76 has severe Frontaltemporal Dementia and is getting very difficult to deal with. Iam trying my best to care for her but her comprehension of conversation is almost impossible to communicate. She can care for herself in many ways but just does not understand anything you try to answere or tell her. I think it getting close to getting professional help for her care as bad as I don't want to live alone but dont want to go to a care center myself. I am in good health and quite active hunting, fishing, woodworking etc but don't have much time for any of that caring for her 24-7. Don't have much help from friends or family.