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Unhelpful “friend”

Posted by lag630 @lag630, 3 days ago

My husband is at about stage 3 on the dementia scale. We recently went out to a restaurant with 3 longtime friends. We were celebrating 1 person’s 75th BD. She then invited herself to spend the night on our couch. I said no. I explained that I get up very early for “me” time to handle the stress the day usually brings.
Her response? “That is BS!”. Most friends are compassionate towards me and my situation as sole caregiver. I’m left speechless. Would you try to explain further to this “friend” or just let it go?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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bobcmcc | @bobcmcc | 2 days ago
In reply to @scottrl "I think it's very presumptuous of this "friend" to impose upon you. Since having a stroke,..." + (show)
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I think it's very presumptuous of this "friend" to impose upon you.

Since having a stroke, I have very irregular sleep patterns: I'm usually awake most of the night. My wife and I cannot permit overnight guests.

Boundaries are important.
Sharlyn Green and I discuss this:

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I’m finding that friends/people who have no experience caring for dementia sufferers have no way of understanding what a caregiver’s day is like. Since they will not understand, tell them whatever you think will make them agree to what you need

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isadora2021 | @isadora2021 | 1 day ago
In reply to @lag630 "@kjc48 Thank you. Great advice. I have decided to leave it where it is and carefully..." + (show)
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@kjc48 Thank you. Great advice. I have decided to leave it where it is and carefully choose any interaction with her. I think she would just get upset if I mentioned this further and I don’t want to deal with that.

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@lag630 What a silly and ignorant dummy spit, she’s totally out of order! You don’t owe her any further explanation or discussion/debate. No is no, and if she can’t respect your needs she only has herself to blame for any impact on your friendship.

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lag630 | @lag630 | 1 day ago
In reply to @isadora2021 "@lag630 What a silly and ignorant dummy spit, she’s totally out of order! You don’t owe..." + (show)
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@lag630 What a silly and ignorant dummy spit, she’s totally out of order! You don’t owe her any further explanation or discussion/debate. No is no, and if she can’t respect your needs she only has herself to blame for any impact on your friendship.

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@isadora2021 Thank you. Yes, I agree.

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nannybb | @nannybb | 12 hours ago
In reply to @bobcmcc "I’m finding that friends/people who have no experience caring for dementia sufferers have no way of..." + (show)
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I’m finding that friends/people who have no experience caring for dementia sufferers have no way of understanding what a caregiver’s day is like. Since they will not understand, tell them whatever you think will make them agree to what you need

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@bobcmcc I obviously do not know how close you are to this person, but it appears they do not take the word "no" very well. You are the only one who knows what it takes for you personally, to just get through your day. You do not owe this person any explanation, other than perhaps, "That will not work for me at this time." If they do not accept it, walk away. Blessings 💕

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lag630 | @lag630 | 11 hours ago
In reply to @nannybb "@bobcmcc I obviously do not know how close you are to this person, but it appears..." + (show)
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@bobcmcc I obviously do not know how close you are to this person, but it appears they do not take the word "no" very well. You are the only one who knows what it takes for you personally, to just get through your day. You do not owe this person any explanation, other than perhaps, "That will not work for me at this time." If they do not accept it, walk away. Blessings 💕

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@nannybb Thank you. I have learned from this experience that there will be no more explantations given. I owe that to no one.

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