Unhelpful “friend”

I think it depends on the friend. You know if she is typically abrasive. If my one friend X said it, I'd think, oh that's just her and tell her no. If another friend Y said it, I'd feel hurt. Aside from this, people who don't live it, don't understand the journey. So sorry you had to hear that from a friend. Be kind to yourself and you go, keep your ME TIME!!! You deserve it uninterrupted. Hugs

@tracidw Thank you. Without ME time I could not due diligence. This is a Z friend. Her brother in another state is in the last stages of DM , but she has never been a caregiver..finds offense in outbursts, criticizes rather than show compassion for her sister in law. We’ve been friends for 45+ years but she simply can’t handle the hard stuff. I can no longer carry her through as I have a huge task ahead. I know and seek exactly what I need and will be true to myself in order to be an effective caregiver for my husband.

@lag630 I also want to tell you that is an extremely helpful video re: boundaries. Do you discuss your experience in other videos? You are helping a lot of people by speaking out.

@lag630 It's tough to learn, I'm still struggling with 'me time' without feeling guilty. Thanks for sharing. And you're right, some people don't deal with hardships. We need people to show compassion, especially when 99% of our focus is on being compassionate with our LO.

@lag630 Thanks for the compliment!

In another part of the interview, we discuss how relationships change after a traumatic event:

@scottrl Thank you for sharing. I look forward to checking out the episodes.

@lag630 I appreciate that.
Helping others is one of my main coping mechanisms for dealing with my disability.

@gently. Powerful words you have shared, “ I think it impossible for someone who hasn't experienced giving this type of care to comprehend living on the edge of breaking.” The more we can help friends understand dementia and glimpse into the caregiving journey, the better they can be at standing alongside their caregiving friends as well as those living with dementia. Thank you.

I read this and have mixed emotions. My first reaction is "Let it Go" no need to explain anything you already did. But then I see you say they are three long time friends. So, based on the history with one another, the best you can do is stand firm, tell her you love her, but won't be able to have her stay over, with the caregiving load you have. Tell her the mornings are essential to you in getting prepared for the day with your partner and that you hope she understands. That is, if you want to keep the long-term friendship alive. Sometimes, people, unless they are in your shoes, can't relate to what we go through. And sometimes, they forget that they are not the most important being in the room. The best you can be is honest, loving while you stand your ground. firm with her. If she doesn't like it, well, then you can decide if she continues to be a long time friend. Best, Karla

@kjc48 Thank you. Great advice. I have decided to leave it where it is and carefully choose any interaction with her. I think she would just get upset if I mentioned this further and I don’t want to deal with that.