Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@japlok I can't tell you how much I appreciate your share. It's hard in making the right decision. Our adult children are spread out in 4 states. I'm inclined to want to stay in the area we're in for doctors, etc, it's what we know, we've been here for 14 years now. Still sorting through what's the best decision, since we're a blended family, making it even trickier!
Thanks for your share.

@oneputt support groups are making a huge difference for me so I hope the same will be true for you.

@grandmajoan I too am trying to find time to take care of me. I need more help and he argues so I just hire them and experience his anger/arguments later. I really do not want to move but we have a two story house and a big yard.

@kmliste I also find it is worth his anger to make my life better. Small steps to being a little more content.

The decisions about moving are so so difficult. Prior to my husband's diagnosis, we chose to move to AZ where our oldest daughter is knowing that grandkids would be coming soon after she married. It's been almost 3 years since we moved and I'm glad we did, particularly since he has MCI now.

We also had great friends in our previous place but our long term thinking was that friends aren't necessarily going to care for you when things go south. Friends have their own health issues and family obligations, etc. In a perfect world, an adult child would be easier to rely on to help rather than friends, although I know that's not the case for everyone.

For me, I am glad we are near our daughter because, if anything happens to me (God forbid), I know she and her husband can figure out what to do and how to help my hubby. Knowing that gives me some peace.

Hoping all who are struggling with these decisions find clarity, peace and resolution.
< 3

@grandmajoan You are so very correct. I am also caring for a family member with IDD. If you aren’t familiar with IDD it means intellectual disability. That person is actually quite wonderful and capable but my husband also hurts this individual with words. I have told the husband to stop. Meanwhile I’ve explained to the loved one with IDD what is going on. It is understood (with reminders )to the person with IDD.

I feel I am too young for all this but also know I cannot control. It is difficult to get verbally beaten up sometimes daily and / Or hear a litany of how expensive groceries are these days. I have learned to send him to the store with “his” list. Then I go with what we actually need to purchase to have meals. He is quite limited these days as to what he will eat.

I have made time to be part of a wellness program…It is actually a study. I feel it is helping me.
Our loved one with IDD and I are eating properly. I offer it to husband but he usually won’t eat it. My loved one with IDD and I do meditations, take walks or work out on equipment at our house, eat plant based and get good sleep. I’m looking for housekeepers to replace the ones I have had who have fallen off the radar. I need them because I am loaded with medical appointments for us, laundry, cleaning, yard (1 acre) work, PAPERWORK!!!!! I am sure you relate, grandmajoan.
We have no other family that could help….or likely won’t help (younger ones). So I am doing the best I can and will continue to do what I can while he naps. *He does do things but in his own time and when he is not napping or reading or going to lunch with a random friend (I’m not complaining as it takes him off my hands and he is happy for that time).

So sorry to hear about your situation. I’m Rebecca and I’m new here- my husband has undiagnosed dementia- with definite decline but not enough for a diagnosis yet. I understand your loneliness- I’m finding it difficult too dealing with the situation- and I too feel alone at times. I’m here tho so maybe we ca. help each other ?

@allalone You aren't all alone here. I live with emotions all over the place and I am the person who would have described myself as 'controlled' in the past, while my wife has always worn her emotions on her sleeve and quick to anger. I find myself frequently angry, sad, bewildered, frustrated, or just unable to express what it is I feel. My wife can go from seemingly happy with me and very loving and appreciative of all I do, to blaming me for everything she is miserable about. When she drinks, most things are 10X worse. I can feel sorry for her, but I can be livid with anger when her drinking turns her into Ms Hyde. At least my adult children understand my situation (my wife has no children) and are very supportive. And she has a sister who has good understanding of my situation. It's okay to feel what you feel. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗.