How to help with spouse's boredom

Posted by anna8 @anna8, Mar 29 9:37am

I'm hoping for some ideas on how to keep my husband engaged when he really has never had hobbies other than reading, fishing and golfing. Of course, he can no longer do any of those. I had hoped to be able to take him on walks with me but his mobility is so poor and he's a fall risk, so I can't pass the time doing that with him either. He basically sits around all day watching me go about my day and constantly asking what he can help me do. Unfortunately, the jobs I need to get done he can just no longer do. If I leave the room, he calls out for me to find out where I am. He also sometimes will call my cell phone looking for me when I just told him where I was going to be in the house. Also, the repetitive questioning on whether or not we are married and do we live here or when are we going home is just becoming so much more stressful to answer all the time. I try to sit with him occasionally and can get him interested in a game of cards briefly but even to sit and watch a movie with him does not hold his attention for any length of time. I'm starting to wonder if he would really do better in an assisted living type center with planned activities and other people for him to be around. I do have a caregiver coming in twice a week for a few hours but she struggles also with being able to engage him in any activity to pass the time and he isn't a fan at all of me being gone. Also, perhaps I should look into an adult day care center I could take him to a few times a week. We do have a very supportive family but they do not live close by. Sorry, I know this post is probably not making a lot of sense but I just needed somewhere to go to sit down and "vent". Thank you for "listening".

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

raebaby | @raebaby | 2 days ago

In reply to @karen285 "Hello @Anna8 … thank you for your post today. It resonates with me greatly. My husband..." + (show)

@karen285

Hello @anna8 … thank you for your post today. It resonates with me greatly. My husband is beginning 8 years following his original diagnosis of MCI which transitioned to Dementia due to Alzheimer’s 4 yrs ago. Similar to your husband, mine has almost no hobbies or interests still available to him due to his symptoms. He has gait issues resulting in a walk no further than 3-4 houses down the street, has had many falls, reads the WSJ daily but I suspect now understands little and literally retains nothing, isn’t interested in puzzles, games, etc. our conversations are me talking and him listening but no interaction. I can go on and on with details … but I’ll spare you. Just 2 months ago I knew I had to make at least a very small change in our routine because I began to feel trapped and losing hope of anything to look forward to. I enrolled him in a 5 hour day care class 1 day a week sponsored by our local commission on the aging. I was upbeat about everything thing I communicated to him, including calling it an enrichment group. He typically makes 1 small comment each week indicating he isn’t thrilled with going but I reframe this by saying they count on him etc. I’ve started having caregivers come occasionally when I meet girlfriends for dinner. He can no longer be alone once sundowning begins about 4 pm. I wanted to give them ideas about things to do with him but I’m at a loss. Anyway, I say all this to encourage you about a daycare program. I’ve noticed that every time I pick my husband up to go home he is animated, talking with other attendees (the class size is between 5-7 which I think is perfect) and even says something witty! I’ve had 5 hours to be in my own home alone - yippee! … In a few weeks I’m going on a girls trip by car 5 hours away for 2 nights. First time in years without my husband. I need that too! It’s taken a lot of organizing to get to this point of having hope and optimism that I haven’t totally lost my own life. The effort has definitely caused me some anxiety along the way, but no one else is in our lives to relieve me of full time caregiving. Beginning year 8 has me worn down and wondering how long ? Hope this helps you.
)

Jump to this post

@karen285 I stopped my husband's sun downing by giving him 10mg of melatonin at 4 pm and another 10 mg dose at 9pm. He only sundowned one more time when my son forgot to give him his first dose until 6 pm. Before trying the melatonin he had wandered off in the middle of the night and I found him face down in the dirt with hypothermia. I live in an area where one woman with dementia wandered off into the forest area and was never seen again.

karen285 | @karen285 | 1 day ago

Wow … scary events. My husband’s sundowners means increased confusion and thankfully no waundering or ill temper…so far. Thank you for taking the time to send me this information and I will keep it for possible future needs. Today was an especially emotional day 🥲. I tried so patiently and kindly to solicit his thoughts about what makes him happy, what sort of things could we or he be doing that bring purpose or enjoyment but he’s beyond any introspection…for the first time I actually got the notion that he has no feelings for me outside of appreciation when I cook or bandage the wounds from his fall. Of course intermittent appreciation is something! If I’m honest I find it hard to feel warm feelings myself. And there we are … so sad. More alone than when I was single.

Traci | @tracidw | 1 day ago

In reply to @karen285 "Wow … scary events. My husband’s sundowners means increased confusion and thankfully no waundering or ill..." + (show)

@karen285 So sorry. This sounds heart crushing. I can be sitting with mom, holding her hand and it's lonely. Her body is there but who she is slowly fades. Wish I could send you strength, peace and some joy to brighten the day. Hugs