How to help with spouse's boredom?

Hello @anna8 … thank you for your post today. It resonates with me greatly. My husband is beginning 8 years following his original diagnosis of MCI which transitioned to Dementia due to Alzheimer’s 4 yrs ago. Similar to your husband, mine has almost no hobbies or interests still available to him due to his symptoms. He has gait issues resulting in a walk no further than 3-4 houses down the street, has had many falls, reads the WSJ daily but I suspect now understands little and literally retains nothing, isn’t interested in puzzles, games, etc. our conversations are me talking and him listening but no interaction. I can go on and on with details … but I’ll spare you. Just 2 months ago I knew I had to make at least a very small change in our routine because I began to feel trapped and losing hope of anything to look forward to. I enrolled him in a 5 hour day care class 1 day a week sponsored by our local commission on the aging. I was upbeat about everything thing I communicated to him, including calling it an enrichment group. He typically makes 1 small comment each week indicating he isn’t thrilled with going but I reframe this by saying they count on him etc. I’ve started having caregivers come occasionally when I meet girlfriends for dinner. He can no longer be alone once sundowning begins about 4 pm. I wanted to give them ideas about things to do with him but I’m at a loss. Anyway, I say all this to encourage you about a daycare program. I’ve noticed that every time I pick my husband up to go home he is animated, talking with other attendees (the class size is between 5-7 which I think is perfect) and even says something witty! I’ve had 5 hours to be in my own home alone - yippee! … In a few weeks I’m going on a girls trip by car 5 hours away for 2 nights. First time in years without my husband. I need that too! It’s taken a lot of organizing to get to this point of having hope and optimism that I haven’t totally lost my own life. The effort has definitely caused me some anxiety along the way, but no one else is in our lives to relieve me of full time caregiving. Beginning year 8 has me worn down and wondering how long ? Hope this helps you.
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@karen285
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I’m happy you’ve found a place your husband can go for a few hours. That’s very encouraging for me and I plan on checking in to something similar in our area. I hope your well deserved overnight trip is a relaxing time for you. I’ve not gone away overnight yet but do plan to start thinking how to manage it. I’ve been at this close to 4 years after I first suspected and about 3 years since his diagnosis. There are days I wonder how long I can really manage this long term but I’m trying.
Thanks again!

This makes me very thankful my husband is still so absorbed by sports on tv!

Hi Anna, I can sympathize with your frustration in getting your husband to engage in activities. It sounds like he is in the same stage as my husband i.e late moderate dementia. These symptoms that you notice are the result of his brain failure in many areas. The areas that involve sequencing- "this comes before that." Inability to sustain attention. Along with difficulty processing what has been said especially if it is said at normal speed and has more than one idea for him to grasp. I have to wait a minute after I say something to see if he has grasped what I am try to tell him. I also have to be directly in his line of vision to get his attention. Most people do not know that at a certain stage in dementia, people lose their peripheral vision and have what is called binocular vision. If you take both of your hands and make a pair of "binoculars" with them and look through them you will get an idea of his field of vision. Following you around and getting anxious when he doesn't remember where you are is called "shadowing" You represent security to him in a scary changing world. This is common in this stage of dementia. It is not something that he can control. Reminding him that you just told him where you are doesn't help him as he won't remember and/or you because you are expecting him to remember and when he doesn't you get frustrated. I have learned so much about dementia from the Champion courses at Teepa Snow's "Positive Approach to Caregiving" It taught me about the different types of dementia and the various stages of its progression. I teaches us to recognize what the person can still do and accept that there are things that their brains are no longer capable of doing. This awareness helps prevent a lot of frustration. It also taught me to recognize the feelings that I have being his caregiver, frustration, guilt, anger, depression and tools to address them. With this knowledge I feel that I have some sense of control over what the future holds for both of us. I can be aware of the symptoms of progression and take the appropriate steps to change his plan of care to keep him safe and as healthy as possible. Someday I will lose him. He is the love of my life. I am grateful that he is still here so I can still touch him, rub his back, hug him and kiss him, (which he likes) and still have his physical presence. Ironically when he was still a very busy OB/GYN I used to dream of the day when he would retire and I would have him all to myself. Now I do, only it just isn't how I thought it might be. May God bless you and give you the courage and strength to continue doing what you need to do to take care of your husband as well as yourself.

My husband is late-mid- stage Alzheimer’s with all the traits mentioned here, and the only thing he can really enjoy is our dog. If you can manage either a cat or small dog, you may find it brings comfort and joy as well as provide responsibilities they can handle.

I tried thinking way out of the box for my mom. She used to sew so I gathered up some swatches of fabric and had her help me put them in stacks of prints that went well together. I was making a craft out of little pebbles once and had her go through them to pick out ones that would work for this or that. Jigsaw puzzles. Coloring, especially if I did it with her. She has a baby doll now she keeps an eye on. Unfortunately, she can't do much of anything now but sleep. There's a book called Creating Moments of Joy - and it has some great ideas. Hope you find something - or lots of somethings - to help.

I've got my wife an apple iPad and she colors/paints on it for hours. If he had one, you might be able to download some games or other interests (fishing, traveling the world, etc) that he might like.

Thanks for this idea. I’ll certainly give it a try.

@tracidw
I will take a look at the book suggestion. Thank you so much!

@pierwell
I knew my husband would enjoy a pet, but I really could not deal with one more thing to worry about or take care of.
I saw on the news that they are using robotic dogs and cats to comfort Alzheimer's patients. The one we got looks like a Golden Retriever puppy, very cute and lifelike. It reacts and responds to interaction or even movement, like walking by it. It does different gentle barking, panting, yawns, and goes to sleep if you aren't interacting with it. We both enjoy it.