Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?

I am dealing with my narcissistic mom with dementia and hearing loss. It is a nightmare. *sigh

WOW! I am pretty much dealing with the same circumstance. I am 55 and my husband is 59, diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia, and is a narcissist, is bipolar, has been recently diagnosed with cirrhosis, which he brought upon himself from drinking to remedy the other diseases. The bad parts come and go, but I feel most of the time like I am losing my mind. Like I want to run far far away. I did also, until just this past Tuesday, have a very full time job as an executive chef at a resort-BUT my position has been magically eliminated. Funny how a resort doesn't need an executive chef. I sort of feel like it was my home situation, having to leave for doctor appointments, hospital visits, etc... that drove them to this decision, and am thinking about investigating legal action. But all of these conditions have taken my marriage away, my life away, and I don't even know who I am anymore. AND NOW I lost my job, which was pretty much my only identity anymore.

@blue717 I relate so much on this. I have been walking on eggshells since i got married. And now the added Lewy Body disease and cirrhosis it has only exaggerated every symptom. I have lost who I am. I have also been the sole provider financially for about 6 + years now, so that added stress hasn't helped AND I just lost me job 2 days ago suddenly. I feel like it was because of my home life, having to leave for doctor appt and hospital visits.

I can relate to your situation - you do have your hands full. Luckily, my husband is somewhat pleasant. He seldom can have a long discussion without eventually ending in an argument. We have been married for only 13 years, and he has been ill 12 of those years. I sometimes wonder why I am still here. I am 78, and he is 74, so we are retired.
Initially, it was difficult with his spending, as he was spending more than we made. One of the silver linings of Vascular Dementia and his legally blind diagnosis is that he lost his driver's license. He is also an insulin-dependent diabetic and has Congestive Heart Failure.
He only shops for food now; the grocery store is quite close. He is in repite only for one day a week, and he gardens. So I do have 'me' time, which is very important. Probably by the fall, he will be in respite for 2 or 3 days per week. It is important to keep yourself well and try to keep the individual at arm's length in your mind. They are not you, and you are not them. If it becomes more than you can handle, then they need to be in care.

How do I keep sane? Good question! Hubby is a constant talker and thinks I have to stop whatever I am doing and talk to him. He gets angry if I don't. He is no longer able to carry on an in-depth conversation, loses track and gets angry. Of course, the same stories over and over.

I have a volunteer visitor every Monday for two hours. We have wide-ranging discussions, and she keeps an eye on everything and would not hesitate to call and report anything to Hubby's health team if it looks like I am not handling things. I have only one friend who visits, but I have a housekeeper once a week. So I have lots of normal input. I do genealogy that keeps my brain active. I do online research on various subjects. Hubby goes to respite once a week for 5 hours and is on the list for another day. He goes to bed at 10 - I go to bed at 1-2 AM - so I have 'me' time every evening. He sleeps in his chair until I get up about 11.

@blue717

I understand and share your situation. I am in a similar age bracket. I am unable to leave. I am working to observe and label the narc behavior. And to keep it from affecting me as little as possible. I only engage when necessary. I sleep in another room and do not eat, watch tv ,or go anywhere with my partner. I have trusted friends who understand but no one who lives near me. No family or support network. I have read as much as i can about coping strategies. I don’t question and try not to voice any opinions to the narc. No one cares , do they? Avoidance is my strategy. And staying connected by phone or text to kind people. Books, animals, nature help. As does exercise, in particular, walking.

@taty111 I sure do understand what you are saying. I, too, try to stay away, keep busy, and avoid as much as I can. Today, I spent most of my time outside tending to my lanai garden. We, too, do not sleep in the same room or eat together. In fact, the only thing we really do together is take him to doctors, because he cannot drive. I can't really say that I have any support. His family has totally closed the door on him and tells me that they are sorry I am going through this, but that sure doesn't help. I only have my daughter, who is so sweet and tries to help as much as she can. I really don't think I would still be on this earth if it weren't for her. You're right, my dogs, long walks, and my books help me to escape. I live in a beach town. I had an idea to go to the little beach shops and see if anyone is looking for any summer p/t help. No company is going to hire a 74-year-old
, but maybe a little Mom & Pop might. I could use the money and the time away. Enjoy life when you can!

I feel for you- my husband is similar but has not been diagnosed. His dr feels there’s no need to test further unless my husband wants to- (which of course he doesn’t )— yet each day he gets worse — and I’m having a hard time handling his meanness. I feel for what you are going thru- and sending a hug.

@chrisbayne how did you get a diagnosis? My husband’s doctor says there’s no need to get a formal diagnosis if my husband doesn’t want to do testing. Well of course he doesn’t want testing- he thinks he’s fine! Sometimes- but then other times knows he’s not right- but that doesn’t last long enough to get the testing done- but then he gets angry - and takes it out on me- only verbally- but that’s getting beyond difficult to beat- I don’t know what to do - his narcissistic personality makes it doubly hard to handle . How can I get a diagnosis? I’m stuck with no help

Sorry if I’m not posting correctly- I’m new to this and not very good with technology