Shame/blame feelings of cancer diagnosis

Hello! I hope you're feeling better about things. I totally went through what you’re talking about. No one in my family had had breast cancer - or any cancer - except lung cancer from smoking. My first thought was why me? Then my brain immediately replied why not me? I’m not above this and I’m not special so why not me? This was quickly followed by but why - as in what did I do wrong? I exercised at least 3 days a week, ate pretty good (better than anyone else I know:), and was/am a very happy and spiritual person. However, I also thought/teach middle school (fun but super stressful), used to drink several days a week (which we now know does contribute), and experienced a few years of real stress when my mom died unexpectedly (argued with my dad and accidentally overdosed) which sent my almost grown daughters (and me) into a mental spin for several years. One daughter ended up in jail and then in and out of rehab (she’s finally doing great - ten years later!:) and my other girl spent these years in therapy and is about to start her residency program! (She’s gonna be a pediatrician and has the top grades in her class!!!:)

When I talked to my doctor about all this, he said, basically, you’re 55 years old and it’s like you won the lottery (that you don’t want to win:). He said, regardless of the stress and drinking, your age is the real factor. He said that 2 out of 3 invasive breast cancers happen in women over 55 and told me the why isn’t as important as the what’s next.

I guess either way it’s not healthy to over think or worry about something we can’t go back and change but I can certainly do better moving forward. I’m eating much better, exercising daily, not letting my students (or my grown kids:) stress me out, and not drinking anymore. (It was so easy for me to quit when I was diagnosed!!) I’m in such a better place than I was before my diagnosis. Praying the same will be true for you! My girls and I believe that God can and will make beauty out of the worst of our situations - and that has happened through this cancer. I’m glad I went through this - but I’m so glad it’s over for me (for now). Praying you find peace and that you’ll be able to find beauty of all of this when it’s all done. Praying for you!

It is so easy to blame ourselves when bad things happen. The fact is on any given day we can only do the best we can do. So many things contribute to how our lives are going. A lot of those things are beyond our control. I have to admit I was relieved when I read that my particular type of cancer, bring rare, they don't know what causes it. Having said that I need to live a healthier life style from here on out to reduce some risk factors for another cancer. That's something that I've struggled with for years. Good luck to everyone on their journey.

Hello! I hope you're feeling better about things. I totally went through what you’re talking about. No one in my family had had breast cancer - or any cancer - except lung cancer from smoking. My first thought was why me? Then my brain immediately replied why not me? I’m not above this and I’m not special so why not me? This was quickly followed by but why - as in what did I do wrong? I exercised at least 3 days a week, ate pretty good (better than anyone else I know:), and was/am a very happy and spiritual person. However, I also thought/teach middle school (fun but super stressful), used to drink several days a week (which we now know does contribute), and experienced a few years of real stress when my mom died unexpectedly (argued with my dad and accidentally overdosed) which sent my almost grown daughters (and me) into a mental spin for several years. One daughter ended up in jail and then in and out of rehab (she’s finally doing great - ten years later!:) and my other girl spent these years in therapy and is about to start her residency program! (She’s gonna be a pediatrician and has the top grades in her class!!!:)

When I talked to my doctor about all this, he said, basically, you’re 55 years old and it’s like you won the lottery (that you don’t want to win:). He said, regardless of the stress and drinking, your age is the real factor. He said that 2 out of 3 invasive breast cancers happen in women over 55 and told me the why isn’t as important as the what’s next.

I guess either way it’s not healthy to over think or worry about something we can’t go back and change but I can certainly do better moving forward. I’m eating much better, exercising daily, not letting my students (or my grown kids:) stress me out, and not drinking anymore. (It was so easy for me to quit when I was diagnosed!!) I’m in such a better place than I was before my diagnosis. Praying the same will be true for you! My girls and I believe that God can and will make beauty out of the worst of our situations - and that has happened through this cancer. I’m glad I went through this - but I’m so glad it’s over for me (for now). Praying you find peace and that you’ll be able to find beauty of all of this when it’s all done. Praying for you!

@ksmitty
Don't blame yourself or anyone else. Cancer is cancer and has a mind of it's own. You have to deal with it and that is it! It doesn't know, age, creed, socio-economic background, gender or nationality. It just is influenced by environmental factors as well as cancer genes if you have them. I have no cancer genes and just in the middle of round 2 of cancer 26 years apart! Stunned, yes, in shock, yes but you have to kept positive! Doing everything I know how to do to keep healthy. Eating the right foods, getting rid of most of the plastics in my cabinets, and preservatives too. You can't avoid plastics too much it's everywhere, but you can do alot to get out of your life as much as possible. Trying to stay away from smelly perfumed products too. Anyone care to share anything else. Be my guest. Would love to hear what you have been doing!!???

@jlwilcox
😅 oh...thank you ❤️ you made me smile...

Funny thing...my husband calls this support site my "cancer club"...it wasn't a club I was expecting to join, but this is a group of compassionate, caring people I sure want to be in a club with...oh, now I am crying because I feel so cared for by a group I never knew 2 weeks ago...

@mygoodgirls your husband is right…It’s a Cancer Club…one that beats Cancer!!!!! By supporting and delivering hits to discouragement, loneliness and hopelessness!!!!!

It will be 1 year since my diagnosis, this June. Still struggling with the guilt, that at that time I was 30 pounds overweight at age 73. I have since lost 30 pounds. But, everything we read says that being overweight at my age is a big factor that increases the chance for BC. In my case, then, it was mostly my fault for mistreating my body to the point that cancer tried to kill me. It also increases my % for getting recurrence. My mirror is my daily reminder of what I did to myself. And, even though I’ve lost that weight, the damage may be a ticking time bomb. I worry what the upcoming first-ever colonoscopy will reveal. In July I have knee replacement surgery, so that is also on me, as being overweight is bad for our joints. I know that I can’t go back in time. But the guilt is terrifying and so far hasn’t subsided. Everyone says put it in the past. That is what I would say to a friend. But in my heart I do believe that I did a terrible thing to myself and I will forever regret it. Had I reached for an apple instead of that ice cream sandwich or that chicken strip, I would have kept the cancer cells from taking hold.