Family meeting: Any tips to make the meeting constructive?

Great idea to incorporate the entire family in updates. Bad idea if every family member is allowed or expected to have an equal vote and what happens. Typically, at least for the families of my husband and myself, there was one single family member who is the go to point person for the elder. It’s easy for family members who do not participate in the drudgery of day and day out, night and night out care for a family member. Yes they can have their own opinions, but unless they’ve walked the walk and talked to the talk, what they believe might be better should never trump the opinions of the primary caregiver. So the packing order needs to be carefully delineated. The meeting should not be a free-for-all, not everybody will have an equal vote, the people who need to be supported by all include the family member with the impairment and the primary family member who is caring for their impaired relative.

We did the same thing with our extended family. But we talked to each one individually on the phone - less controlling opinions or flare ups on the phone. I did more one on one. That just worked better for us. We also texted each one individually, as what we found, some were more interested than others. It's a confusing disease, and it's interesting the family members reaction - some wanting to be involved, others turning the other cheek and/or in denial. It's interesting we had one of the adult sons here this week; my husband's son from another marriage. And based on that, a good trip, but a tell all, we realized even thinking about moving closer to the one son, wouldn't be the best idea. We are therefore, while my husband is still independent, trying to make the right decisions for us - stay local, where we have the medical help, and warm weather. We're in a blended family where everyone is scattered all over in other states.

All families are different. ( Ours is a blended one too. )
I also prefer one on one phone calls . Each adult child has a different level of understanding, empathy or desire for involvement . The conversations can be tailored to the individual.
Family Zoom meetings are great for socializing, but may be difficult to control when serious matters are being discussed. Sibling habits can take over.
But obviously whatever works best for your family is the way to go.
Good luck.

All your input is appreciated. I am hoping that new insights will result in us all meeting together, but agree that some may not get it or hear what others are saying. Two of the three who live locally are more up to speed than the rest and their experiences might help the rest. Thanks everyone.

@ktcosmos It's sad but SOME don't want to get it. I was amazed last year watching my good friend, neighbor, progress into this horrible disease, and her adult children, wanted to turn the other cheek. Her husband was in denial too, although, now, he's gotten her the level of home care she and (he) needs to help them. Good luck with your family discussions. I think what my husband and I realize, we're in this and not our adult children, which are just too far away to make a difference, and we have all boys, with working jobs, and young kids, where their wives are tied to her family.......and her mother's medical issues.

PS you are lucky to have three with you locally, as they can be the communicator's to the other ones out of state. And hopefully, the local ones can help you from time to time with the caregiving.

I've always preferred group texts to keep them up to date and individual phone calls. Your opinion and any caregivers' opinions is what counts.

@ktcosmos, such a good question. I think it is important to first understand what YOU want and need to get out of the meeting. Imagine the meeting has happened. What will be changed because the meeting happened?
- Will you get more help?
- More understanding?
- Will family members understand better how they can help?

Or maybe the change will be that you've heard what others think. As a result, you may know who to turn to for what.

There's no right answer to the question. It just has to be right for you. Hopefully that will help you to have clarity about the purpose of the meeting and to share that with everyone.