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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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@jeanadair123
Thank you for the support on this. My will states specifically that this particular daughter gets NADDA with reasons that she has stolen from me in the past. It also leaves out his other 2 adult children.
I understand that when you state specifically why someone is being left out, it makes it more iron-clad so to speak.
My husband doesn't know I have done this and I sure am not going to tell him. He keeps thinking, dellusional, that she is going to come in and help us out and me after he is gone. Guess that old saying, all hope springs eternal, applies to him.
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2 Reactions@kartwk we were told by our attorney that as long as they are mentioned they cannot contest the will/ trust. It really is exhausting living this life without worrying about vultures that may line up later?
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1 Reaction@jeanadair123
That is what I was told too.
I mentioned this daughter and some of the things she had/has done to H. and I and my Doc. made me promise that if she starts up again to let him know ASAP.
That is when I realized what was going on and that there was protection for us.
She is scary. Right now by doing things like ringing and door bell and leaving before we can answer it (crazy) or ringing the bell and leaving a plate of 12 store bought Christmas cookies the week before Christmas. When H asked her why she took off, she responded that she "doesn't feel she is welcome".
This is how people like her operate, they do things like that so that you feel sorry for them, forget what they did to you, and let them in again. VULTURE!
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1 Reaction@jeanadair123
One more thing my attorney put in was that anyone who contested my will would get nothing.
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1 ReactionLet me rephrase, they of course could contest it anyone could but being the way it was written they wouldn’t win. Sorry! It’s been a long day. I feel bad I didn’t mean to give wrong information.
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1 ReactionAll good advice. But please listen. You need a doctor who will refer you to a neurological clinic where they will do the 3-4 hour work-up to determine your husband’s true mental issues. I kept pushing after those mini tests didn’t reveal what I knew was happening, and finally, finally, my husband’s real issues (sharp decline in executive functioning, as well as other issues) were discovered. Push, push, push until your concerns are confirmed. Help is available when they are. My thoughts are with you. Bette
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3 Reactions@bettes , good points. Also, cognitive issues can be due to vitamin deficiencies, brain tumors, fluid on brain, medications, etc. so those causes would require addressing.
@edwhite41 Hello. I am William and help out in the head and neck cancer group here on Connect. I saw your reply to deniae and you mentioned taking care of your wife who deals with MS. I am in the same boat.
My wife has good days and bad days. She is still able to get around without assistance most days, which allows some independence. Yet she feels lousy most days and far worse on some days. And for people who say dumb things like “You look fine”, she says “You don’t get it until you get it.”
She has limited energy which we refer to as either having nickels or having spoons, only so many of either each day. When she runs out of spoons, which may be at ten in the morning, that’s it for the day.
We make plans for trips we often don’t take. When we do go somewhere nice for a winter get away, we say she can feel rotten in a hotel room looking at the beach or she can feel rotten sitting at home looking at the snow.
I take myself to activities, volunteer at a local park, things like that. Life is what it is, not always what we want it to be. If our roles were reversed I would tell her what she tells me as I am sure you know what I mean. And life without her is not an option.
So there we are. You are a good man Charlie Brown. We just take this one day at a time. Other people can think what they want, which when it comes to MS, seems to be rather limited.
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7 Reactions