Decision to let sick person go

This is a terrible situation.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband.

That being said, you absolutely made the right decision. Subjecting your husband to further suffering would not have been kind, and would not have changed the outcome.

Clearly, you are a devoted, loving, and unselfish person.
Your husband is at peace. Now allow yourself to be at peace also.

You did absolutely everything you could possibly do to help him when he needed you - so did his medical providers. Ask yourself, realistically, what wasn't done that could have been done and by whom and you will see "nothing". YOU gave your all and he is finally at peace. It's your turn to be at peace with yourself. It hurts, bad, really bad and will continue to hurt. But there is a tomorrow and it will come...maybe not today or tomorrow but it will come. Cry until you can cry no more then try to cry a little bit more, then try to find a new purpose. He will always be with you, but in a different form. Cherish what you had and try to start a new chapter with him in your heart but not your presence. This too shall pass. I wish you the best of joy and happiness in the future you are about to begin. Hang in there, things will begin to look better, that's a promise.

@jo55: I can relate to your second-guessing and insecurity, for I was in a similar situation with my loved one. My husband was my soul mate… we laughed a lot and finished each others thoughts. It was a a great marriage. I wasn’t ready when the docs came to me with news he was failing on the operating table. I knew he trusted me to make this decision for his best outcome. Since they assured me he felt no pain, I told them to turn off the machines that were keeping him alive.
In every bone in my body, I know he would have been mad and disappointed in me if I made the decision to selfishly keep him alive in a drastic disabled state. So I freed him from the pain he would have suffered in a slower death. I talked to him (in my mind) with words to encourage him to “go on” to a better place and that I would be okay. The grieving was the worst loss I have ever felt, but I know I did the right thing FOR HIM.
His love has never left me and on difficult days I feel him close by (if only in my mind) as if to comfort me. However, we must pick up our lives and let the joy of others help us find happiness. Open your heart to others and see where the remainder of your days will lead. Be happy.

He was lucky to have you. You protected his wishes and that takes courage!!!!

@jo55 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

What a heartbreaking time for you. You have seen responses here that echo my thoughts exactly. Putting aside your own feelings, and considering those of your husband, what he would be most comfortable with, will hopefully bring you comfort in the times ahead. I can understand feelings of guilt, however you did the most honorable act of love.
Ginger

I can really feel for you and what you are going through. When my husband Robert and I were courting he said something very odd and unromantic-sounding to me. He said: "If I am ever in a coma, I want you to be the one to pull the plug." He was 22 at the time. Fourteen years later he went into a coma, after surgery meant to cure his colitis, and was brain dead and on life support. You can imagine how that earlier comment came back to me. I told the doctors "I have to pull the plug." I must have sounded insane, but after some conversation when it became obvious he would never recover any function, he was taken after the respirator.
I tell this story not only because it relieved any guilt I might have had but because I think this unromantic statement was the most romantic of all. We can end up trusting our spouses completely in matters of life and death. So I really hope you can let go of the guilt from a selfless and loving deed. I did have some survivor's guilt, though. For a long time I felt weirdly guilty to be alive when he was dead, couldn't eat his favorite foods, etc. Luckily this passed off--with help from a therapist and a grief group. I guess I found other ways to honor his memory rather than doubting myself. I wish you all the best with this difficult journey. My loss was 30 years ago, and I have mercifully been able to move forward--I think in large part because I knew he'd want me to. Sending you my best thoughts. Thank you--this is an important topic.

When my mother was dying from ovarian cancer, I was fortunate enough to have clients that shared some personal stories. I always remember one woman who said hind site, she wished she would have let her mother go. She realized she continued different forms of medical treatment more for herself than her mother. That has always stayed with me.

Thanks for your kind words, its difficult now and I hope will be easier when time pass. Your words bring a bit of comfort in a very heavy time. Thank you.

@jo55

My husband of 55 years in a nursing home with dementia died from an unspecified pneumonia which didn’t respond to oral antibiotics during the first Covid surge. (Remember the nursing homes were closed and I couldn’t be with him.) I was called; do they send him to the hospital or do they make him as comfortable as possible there? I knew he would be scared and not understand what the hospital was about. I said to do what you can without scaring or hurting him. He died a day later. This was 6 years ago. The grief still comes in waves, but you go on. Peace, M

Am sorry to hear of you situation. Please don't blame yourself.
Putting one's self in another's shoes that is suffering may be a way to let go.
I've been told I've less than a week to live, been through two stage 4 cancers and on going
symptoms. There have been many times I'd wish to give up. It is hard to accept that
things will not return to once was normal. If you can please get some support.
We care.