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Decision to let sick person go

Posted by jo55 @jo55, Feb 16 5:43am

I had to make the hardest decision in my life. My husband of 50 years was suffering from multiple autoimmune disease + bone marrow neoplasm for the 16 years. Last year where constant hospital admission with nearly every organ affected. I was watching him slowly being more and more sick, but his will to leave was strong. I become his carer, but for me it was privilege not a chore. Recent hospital admission, he suffer from multiple organ failure, I have seen him in some much pain and distress, that I ask doctor to help and make him not suffer anymore. He did not suffer, everything stopped, and I stay with him every second, every hour, every day till his end.
Now I am crying all the time, have that massive guilt, that maybe was something else to be done, and I let him go.
We love each other and have been together all the time, and now?
Its so soso difficult and empty.

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Profile picture for Randy Shields
Randy Shields | @randallshields56 | Mar 3 10:27am
In reply to @randallshields56 "@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort..." + (show)
Profile picture for Randy Shields @randallshields56

@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort thoughts and passions, like the smell of a flowing creek that tint in the air of crispness and running brook. i can pass someone that wears a perfume that was all mine and it opens flood gates of joy. i have called her name to others by mistake and smiled knowing she still sees me and isn't that far away whenever i think of her. same for you Jo, enjoy all the private smiles and things you would share even if they seemed dumb at the time , still brought a good feeling and fonder time. that's it for now but if you need me just message me. this week is harder than last and next bunch of days can be rough but we are strong at this time Ps surround yourself with love of family and sending prayers for your comfort=========sent have a blessed day.

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Thank you for the helpful.

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jo55 | @jo55 | Mar 3 10:39pm
In reply to @randallshields56 "@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort..." + (show)
Profile picture for Randy Shields @randallshields56

@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort thoughts and passions, like the smell of a flowing creek that tint in the air of crispness and running brook. i can pass someone that wears a perfume that was all mine and it opens flood gates of joy. i have called her name to others by mistake and smiled knowing she still sees me and isn't that far away whenever i think of her. same for you Jo, enjoy all the private smiles and things you would share even if they seemed dumb at the time , still brought a good feeling and fonder time. that's it for now but if you need me just message me. this week is harder than last and next bunch of days can be rough but we are strong at this time Ps surround yourself with love of family and sending prayers for your comfort=========sent have a blessed day.

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@randallshields56
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I hope that with time things will become easier — I know they should — but I am still in a very dark place. I can’t stop crying when I wake up and realise that I am by myself. The days feel difficult and empty. I know I’m too old to be falling apart like this, but my grief is so heavy.
I started something new today. My husband loved reading, and in his collection there are still a few untouched, brand‑new books. I picked one of them up and promised him that I would read a chapter aloud each day, just for him. So today I finished the first chapter.
I also received a call from pastoral care. It was comforting to know that some people at the hospital still remember him.
I am doing my best to find small moments of connection with him, even in this difficult time

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jo55 | @jo55 | Mar 3 10:44pm
In reply to @diverdown1 "I had to make that decision for my father and it is difficult during and after...." + (show)
Profile picture for diverdown1 @diverdown1

I had to make that decision for my father and it is difficult during and after. I know the guilt feelings as I still question it and it has been 5 years now. I believe that this is part of the grieving process. Hang in there and take it a day at a time. The physical body is only one part of this infinite journey we take. The soul/consciousness remains forever.

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@diverdown1 Thank you. I am very sorry for your loss as well, and that you had to carry the same feeling of guilt. I question myself every moment of every day. Some decisions in life should never fall on us, but life can be very, very unfair. Thank you again for your kind words.

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jo55 | @jo55 | Mar 3 10:52pm
In reply to @tisme "You will be lost for some time, you may think your going crazy, ( I was..." + (show)
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You will be lost for some time, you may think your going crazy, ( I was like that with mum) the only cure is time (((((((((((((((((((((( hugs and strength to you )))))))))))))))))))))))))

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@tisme Thank you for sharing this with me. I even spoke with a psychiatrist yesterday. I tried to explain how confused I feel, and how the guilt and emptiness stay with me all the time.
Thank you 🙂

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jo55 | @jo55 | Mar 3 11:07pm
In reply to @scottrl "This is a terrible situation. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. That..." + (show)
Profile picture for Scott R L @scottrl

This is a terrible situation.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband.

That being said, you absolutely made the right decision. Subjecting your husband to further suffering would not have been kind, and would not have changed the outcome.

Clearly, you are a devoted, loving, and unselfish person.
Your husband is at peace. Now allow yourself to be at peace also.

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@scottrl Thank you. I know, realistically, that it was the only decision I could make, but it doesn’t lessen the guilt or the emptiness around me. I feel as if I’m still standing, still functioning, but the weight of it is overwhelming and seems to fill every second of my day

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Randy Shields | @randallshields56 | Mar 4 10:53am
In reply to @randallshields56 "sorry for your loss Jo and what you had to go through. i had a similar..." + (show)
Profile picture for Randy Shields @randallshields56

sorry for your loss Jo and what you had to go through. i had a similar letting my wife go and almost could not bring my life back together for some time. sending you prayers for your family and for you. if and when you would like to reach out to me for questions or just friendly support feel free to message me. might take a bit to get back to you but i will. for now sending prayers------and faith--- sent.

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Thank you for the like.

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Randy Shields | @randallshields56 | Mar 4 11:13am
In reply to @jo55 "@diverdown1 Thank you. I am very sorry for your loss as well, and that you had..." + (show)
Profile picture for jo55 @jo55

@diverdown1 Thank you. I am very sorry for your loss as well, and that you had to carry the same feeling of guilt. I question myself every moment of every day. Some decisions in life should never fall on us, but life can be very, very unfair. Thank you again for your kind words.

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@jo55 the book is a nice touch i like it. it took my mom 10 years to come to terms that were manageable when dad passed away. i still talk to him and that's been more than 30 years ago. life can be cruel so you find distractions or a craft you might like to try, when i have a problem i put in gods hands at night and usually have an answer by morning most the time anyway. thank you for your kind words and wisdom. comes with the territory, like life we learn from the past and present place. today is my brothers birthday he would have been 68 today he didn't make it past 39. an accident. i don't let the guilt eat at me now because of the brain surgery twice and its tolerable now. i was angry for sometime till i figured i could have not done anything in the time given. I'm taking up sign language and would like to learn Spanish. those for now are my goals. so here is a prayer for strength to care on the things that mean the most to you, compassion for yourself because you need that now and not guilt and lastly the love of family and friends that wish you only the best support and health.================sent. Have a blessed day and hear from you again.

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Scott R L | @scottrl | Mar 4 11:52am
In reply to @jo55 "@scottrl Thank you. I know, realistically, that it was the only decision I could make, but..." + (show)
Profile picture for jo55 @jo55

@scottrl Thank you. I know, realistically, that it was the only decision I could make, but it doesn’t lessen the guilt or the emptiness around me. I feel as if I’m still standing, still functioning, but the weight of it is overwhelming and seems to fill every second of my day

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@jo55 Of course. This must be the most difficult phase of your life. I'm sure you recognize that the emotional impact of this is gigantic. It can't easily be displaced by the logical reality that you did the correct thing.
Please be compassionate with yourself. Allow time to bring perspective and you'll grow in confidence that you are really a very tender, loving, and brave soul.

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Randy Shields | @randallshields56 | Mar 4 5:04pm
In reply to @randallshields56 "@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort..." + (show)
Profile picture for Randy Shields @randallshields56

@jo55 little things, memories, that stare or smile. smell on his pillow or a thousand comfort thoughts and passions, like the smell of a flowing creek that tint in the air of crispness and running brook. i can pass someone that wears a perfume that was all mine and it opens flood gates of joy. i have called her name to others by mistake and smiled knowing she still sees me and isn't that far away whenever i think of her. same for you Jo, enjoy all the private smiles and things you would share even if they seemed dumb at the time , still brought a good feeling and fonder time. that's it for now but if you need me just message me. this week is harder than last and next bunch of days can be rough but we are strong at this time Ps surround yourself with love of family and sending prayers for your comfort=========sent have a blessed day.

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Thank You for the hug. Have a great and blessed evening.

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Dolly Jane | @dollyjaneprenzel | Mar 21 4:51pm

I would have done the same thing. I am very sorry.

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