Is my life really worth living?

@scatterbrained1 The short answer to your question, "Is my life worth living?", is Yes. The long answer is a lot more complicated.

There are millions of people who go through life wondering the same thing. I've been one of them, when my life has fallen apart, and I've been trying to survive with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and rejection. 20 years ago I attempted suicide several times because I really thought it wasn't worth going on. In the interim, I have found various things that make it feel worth the effort, some lasting just a short time, others for several years. There's no real point in telling you what those things have been because reasons to live vary from one person to another. It may be a pet or a psychiatric service animal, or finding ways to help others by volunteering, or it could be something simple like discovering something that catches your interest. I've been thinking about volunteering at the local animal shelter, maybe by walking dogs or by doing whatever is needed.

I'm glad you have an appointment this week to get restarted on medication. Staying on top of prescription refills is one of my part time jobs! What a circus the pharmaceutical industry is!

When I have been at my lowest, I would set goals for myself to keep living, sometimes just a day away, eventually a month or more away. Right now I have a couple of projects going in my woodshop, and our son is coming in April for a visit - he lives in Indianapolis, and we're in Oregon, so visits are few and far between. My next goal will be having our daughter and her family visit in August, from Port Angeles WA. Having things, even just small things like knowing you have an appointment in 4 days, are helpful in giving us a reason to live.

Some have mentioned church, and I know that can be a hard one, depending on your experience, but there are good churches to be found that are worth looking around for. You can look at how the church projects love, welcome, peace, faith, and kindness -and worship you can enjoy. You won't find all those things in every church, I'm sorry to say (speaking as a retired pastor). But they're out there.

YOUR life is worth living. That's what matters. Accept that one day at a time.

Jim Dickinson

@frouke Would it have been possible to see your doctor weeks ago? This isn’t re-filling levothyroxine. They are obligated to look you over if taking many drugs. And pharmacies notoriously are understocked and mis-managed. Take the advice already given and try asking at ER and also the pharmacy. Take along any prior RX bottles you can, the doctor’s name and address, and hopefully a mention of the drugs in a post-visit summary report from Dr. You will get through this. People aren’t heartless. You just goofed. I HAVE GOOFED. Give yourself more credit. Pooch-help can be magic!

@hopeseeker22, Great advice but I believe that you have given it to the wrong person, thank you 😊

You should have got a bridge order till your next appt. Have you missed any appts in the past? Also, here is a good reason to live. If you die, what will happen to your babies? They depend on you for food water shelter cuddles. If your gone and depending on your living arrangements, 1. If you are a lone then your pets will die from starvation/dehydration. 2. If you die then your pets will go to a shelter and most likely be put down. I have 3 ankle biters and they keep me alive. If Im dead, then so will they be. Its hard to think about the rest of the world around you if you cant see past your current personal world but you have to. They need you to.

Thank goodness for our fur babies. If nothing else, they can help you hang on until you can get your prescriptions renewed. It is customary for a physician to want to actually see you before renewing certain prescriptions (in fact, they may be required to do it); and it sounds like a visit is well worth it to get the drugs that work for you. If there is someone you can ask to support you going to the doctor and getting your meds, enlist them. Getting to help someone else isn't (usually) an imposition, it's a gift. I hope you are able to get your meds soon and get back to "doing okay".

@suzleigh
Hi, I know exactly how you feel. If it wasn't for my fur babies, I would have absolutely no reason to go on and it takes all the love that I have for them to keep myself going. I have made a few attempts in my lifetime, I'm trying really hard to do and be better, but it's really hard to get out of my own head sometimes... all I can do is one day at a time. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

@catrox It would be nice to want to live for myself and not just for everyone else. I’m just hoping I keep that in mind if I’m ever truly in crisis, with my brain shutting out why I should not take my life — which is possible if I turn suicidal because of meds.

@suzleigh sadly, I have had suicidal thoughts and tendencies since as far back as I can remember. I wasn't on any medication until my early 40's, I just felt like I didn't belong and I didn't want to be here. As a child I would chase lightning in hopes of being struck. I mean I would go swimming during a lightning storm. Stand under a tree with a metal rod. Stand in puddles with metal rods, golf glubs.... I was completely reckless with my life not caring whether I made it to the next day or not. When I was 15, I lost a child. A daughter, born 3.5 months early who passed away nearly 8 hours later. Now reaching 50, I still feel like I don't belong anywhere, with anyone (except maybe with animals) and still not really wanting to be here or even having a reason to be here, it's taken nearly dying to make me want to fight to stay alive -> if you understand what I mean 😕

@catrox I have two attempts and lots of planning. Now, after all the times I could have been killed, I’m starting to wonder if I may have some greater purpose still unseen. I’m not an animal person, but I think you would want to be as close to them as possible. Maybe find a horse (or ??) therapy place, or volunteer to snuggle the outcasts at your local shelter. I kind of wish I had that calling. I do understand what you mean. The only thing keeping me alive is my husband and kids.

Sometimes living for your furry babies is critical. What would their life be like without you ?
Just thinking about that keeps me going.
Hang in there !