Husband newly diagnosed with Alheimer's at 61: overwhelmed

I am so sorry, tak66. Most of us here walk a path similar to yours, one none of us expected. And we feel what you feel—anger, fear, and guilt.

You are doing good things, reading everything you can and getting legal things squared away. One thing you might consider is participating in research.

Often, participating in research comes with access to some of the best physicians in the world, not to mention access to treatments not yet widely available. Sometimes it is beneficial to do something rather than simply wait, which could benefit both you and your husband.

Have you spent time on the Alzheimer’s Association website?
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/research-and-progress/clinical-trials/why-participate
At age 61, your husband might qualify for trials for early onset, in addition to other Alzheimer’s trials. https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/search

I don’t know, of course, but it might do your husband (and you) good to be proactively engaged in something that could make a difference—if not for yourselves, then for others.

Thank you for the kind words. I am on all the sites and watching the clinical trials. I have signed up for research studies. Maybe they will reach out. I’ll let you know.

As far as reading goes, the 36 hour day is the bible for caregivers. I also found 'journey to unimaginable lands' very helpful.

@tak66 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m glad you found the site. This is a very good group with wonderful people! Sharing helpful tips and ways that work based on personnel experience are a great benefit in these discussion groups.
So, how did you find MCC ?

Hello @tak66
There is an infinite number of things to know. Aside from some very practical matters, most of them are not urgent. What is essential is to start finding a way forward that is full of more life and joy than it is struggle.

There are many paths to that. I don't presume to know which of them are right for you: But I can assure you that more than one exists. That is the key thing that I want to offer you in this little post: The deep certainty that these medical findings are not a sentence, they are signposts that tell you that you are on a different journey that is full of possibilities for growth and fulfillment.

I'll share one little idea that made a big difference for me. We were younger than you two when my husband's condition became clear (there was also AD in his family). I was a business person and you may know that in the corporate world the senior titles often start with "Chief" as in Chief Operating Officer, or Chief Financial Officer. I decided that my new job was Chief Happiness Officer. As I focused on making my husband's life happy and free of any sense of diminishment, I found that I inevitably shared in that.
-- By ensuring that we did things we loved, I had more fun than I had had before.
-- As he was increasingly able to handle only the present, I experienced the joys of living in the present (something I had not given much weight in the past).
-- The love that his undeserved losses evoked in me, gave me superpowers ( a lot of what other people interpret as patience does not feel that way when you are just doing the loving thing).

I'll leave it at that for the moment. You are fully justified to feel all of those troubling feelings now, as the full evidence of the situation comes in. But they will drain you if allowed to stay top of mind for you for long. You are young and deserve a fulfilling and happy life. That promise is still there, both through and around your dear husband's health issue.

I wish you the best.

BTW: You mention not having the heart to change your husband's sense of optimism. Good for you. There is no upside to upsetting him. We have had only a handful of discussions of my husband's condition in these many years. I have focused heavily on managing things so that he is always focused on what he can do instead of what he cannot.

Thank you . I love the CHO title.

@becsbuddy I was searching for support groups on Google. There are no in person groups in my city or near enough to manage. All of the reading online is so clinical and I wanted some advice on the human side of things. Reading through the posts gave me a bit of calm.

@thereaklenb thank you...I will look for that

36 hour day great resource and can answer many questions.
Journey to, is alert to the unique behaviors and caregiver responses. It felt personal.
Peace and love to you and yours.

@tak66 I’m sorry. Your feelings are valid and allowed. We all completely understand. This is such a fantastic site for commiserating, venting and learning.
I’ve seen Teepa Snow’s name on here a lot for reading material and I think she has events. Another name is Tami Anastasia, she has some books out, I haven’t gotten her book, but she has webinars every week ‘Dementia Unplugged: Ask the Expert’ and I’ve sat in on those a few times. It’s Mondays at 7 et and I’m sorry that I can’t remember how I signed up for it.
Have a good day.