96 YO Mother fall questions

My husband and I have multiple older female family members that had falls, and decisions had to be made for their care.
His aunt was moved to independent living, then assisted living. She did not enjoy her final years in those facilities.
His mom fell a few times at home alone, but had neighbors who watched for activity. She slept overnight on the floor after a fall one time, but insisted on staying in her home. Not too long after was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away while in the hospital.
My mother fell 3 times and was sent to assisted living after rehab, otherwise healthy. She was very unhappy with the limited life there and passed away mainly from loss of interest in life.

Personally, I hope to live on my own until I fall, maybe break a hip, go to the hospital and pass away - potentially in my late 90s. Sure, I could live until over 100 based on family longevity. But I’d be satisfied with 5 less years if it meant being happy!

In my family, my sons are more likely to set up monitoring cameras to track my movements - and I'm fine with them in the larger rooms in the house. If they don’t see me come out of the bedroom all day, or in the kitchen, they’ll know to send someone over to check. If I lay on the floor for some hours, I'm okay with that. We probably all need to decide in advance what we would choose in these situations and let family know.

Once falls begin…..they usually continue and increase in frequency. She probably can’t remember to use a walker or cane and even if she did…..it might not prevent a fall. Assisted Living can’t prevent the falls either, but they can be on hand to immediately assist in her aid if she’s injured or can’t get up.

Several months ago my mom lost her balance and even though standing right at her walker fell onto her side, breaking her right arm, cutting her head, injuring her knee and ankle….(We feel fortunate it wasn’t her hip, because that’s a much harder recovery.) She wasn’t able to move at all. The phone was out of her reach to call 911 or anyone. If I had not been there, she would have laid on the floor indefinitely. She was so scared, I think she might have suffered a cardiac event if she had no help for hours. Keeping the phone within reach 24/7 might not be feasible. I have also heard of seniors who fall who just can’t call for help even if the phone is nearby. Have you checked into Life Alert?

These and other reasons are why imo it’s good to have someone around at all times with a senior who is that advanced in age and who suffers with poor balance and falls. Being more careful usually doesn’t help.

I’d be inclined to stop the driving. A loss of balance while driving could be devastating.

I’m in 95th year with a history of falls my family brought me to their home so I do not drive. I’m driven.
I do not cook or do laundry because of dizziness and weakness.
I am on 4th pacemaker, heart failure and many other things
I worked until age 77 or 78 trying to be independent but there is a time where you need some care. At 88 yrs I moved with family.
Now your mother has fallen many times from what you wrote.
She should not drive or live alone. If not with you there are lovely Assisted Living centers that are
Wonderful and welcoming.
In fact, I am shopping assisted living centers around me and will be moving in the next 90 days. Why,
I presently have gone up and down 20 steps to my bedroom lovely home but no bathroom or bedroom on 1st floor and I am becoming more frail as I age.
Good luck to you and your mothers visit to move with you or other care.

Immediately take away her car. A person who is prone to falling for no reason should not endanger herself and others by driving a vehicle and risking losing control when she suddenly 'falls' behind the wheel. She really should not be living alone.

@mikebiker I tried that a few times. She called the local dealer and bought a new car, drove it to my house, blew the horn until I saw her. She laughed and left. I'd have to take her to court and probably lose since she's recently had her license renewed at the Motor Vehicle Agency. I agree she shouldn't be living alone, but as I write, she's not willing to change. Thanks for your caring.

@gently We're seeing the PCP today for another issue but the PCP will be happy to talk about anything. My wife and I were talking last night about whether she may have had a TIA. Her BP spikes every so often and after a routine visit back in Dec, she saw a new cardiologist who changed her BP med. Removed Amlodipine because he feared it might cause BP to drop and hence a fall. We were concerned about the change because we knew she'd spike and need it. Last week she called 911 and went to the ER because her BP hit close to 200 on top number. Of course they gave her Amlodipine and we brought her home a few hours later. The worst part about it was the ER was full of potential flu exposure. My wife has better knowledge about TIA's and I've deferred to her.
Mom has a neighbor next door who can get into her house and is a great, trustworthy fellow. However his job changed and his schedule is tight these days. Thanks so much for caring.

Hello woojr,
We had an Aunt who passed recently at the age of 98: She also drove daily for errands up until the day she passed away in her chair peacefully while watching a program. Our cousin purchased a fall alert system which can be worn about the neck or on the wrist of the individual. Perhaps you could talked with her providers and gather information regarding one of these devices.
Be careful regarding over paying for a device; there are many different makes and models. Talk it over with your Mom and get her reaction to the idea. It may be just what she needs.
Jofree

Just to be clear, my mother refuses to carry a phone. She won't carry her cell phone which her plan includes a fall alert app. My mother doesn't believe "it will ever happen to her". This mindset carries on throughout her decision making process with everything.

The worst example was when I disabled her car, she called the dealer and bought a new car. They delivered it and drove to my house, blew the horn, looked at me, smiled, and left. I looked at the process for taking her off the road and got legal advice. She's been pulled over by local police and they let her go. She's had friends killed in accidents near her house and her comments are the same, "It'll never happen to me." That sums it up. People love her just the way she is.

@woojr "Mom, WHEN.....it happens to you, it will be the first time in you're long and storied life that you've ever proven yourself wrong.'