1. < Depression & Anxiety

~ Flat out at the bottom: so many bills to pay, not sleeping, worry ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Apr 12, 2017

I have not been here for awhile .... I am just totally flat out at the bottom. I'm on a list to get a low-income apartment, but so far none is available, I have so many bills to pay off .... I'm getting dentures and I have a huge bill from my dentist, another big bill from my Oral Surgeon, I will soon have a bill of $6000 for a new heating A/C unit I own in Frederick - I'm renting it out and can't sell it because I'm "under water", and then of course the normal things like food, Rx's, gas, electric, etc.
I have not been able to sleep for weeks worrying about this .... I just don't have enough coming in to pay all the payments that are to go out every month. I'm in a constant state of high anxiety and am having IBS from it, plus migraines. I want to get a job, but I think I'll try to go full time rather than part time. At 72, I didn't expect needing a full time job, but it is what it is.
So these are the golden years, huh? Yea, right.
abby

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georgette12 | @georgette12 | Apr 29, 2017

I am back today. Again...my husband keeps denying his alcoholism. But today i am trying really hard to be stable. I really don't have anywhere to go if i can't stay with my son. I have a tiny social security which doesn't cover normal living. This is not a good day. I will once again get through it.

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Apr 29, 2017

@georgette12 We are all in your corner and cheering you on! Be strong. Teresa

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Barb | @amberpep | May 1, 2017

It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made one big mistake when I moved down here .... it's been never ending turmoil and financial difficulties. Today I went to the dentist, fully expecting to have the final impressions taken for my new teeth. I've had all sorts of surgical procedures done on my mouth since last July and since then have only been able to eat soft food, pureed soup, etc. I've lost 20 lbs. I was able to get a temporary top plate, which looked better, but I still couldn't chew. Now today I went in all excited that I'd get the final impressions and have my full teeth in a few weeks ..... OH NO ..... before he would do anything, he wanted $4000 up front. Now, this is all after paying him and the Oral Surgeon on a Care Credit card (which is just for doctors), and it's all but paid off. I could have cried. I left feeling like I'd been hit by a rock and came home. It just never ends with me down here .... money, money, money. My tenant is moving out from my condo, and if it's not sold by then, I'll have to pay that mortgage besides my own rent ..... I've got no church, no friends, and I hate this town. I just want to run away. I just don't have the money for all this and am quickly slipping down that deep, black hole again ..... why oh why did I ever come down here ..... life is too short, and it's just not worth all this upset.
abby

REPLY
4 replies
danybegood1 | @danybegood1 | May 2, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made..." + (show)
@amberpep

It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made one big mistake when I moved down here .... it's been never ending turmoil and financial difficulties. Today I went to the dentist, fully expecting to have the final impressions taken for my new teeth. I've had all sorts of surgical procedures done on my mouth since last July and since then have only been able to eat soft food, pureed soup, etc. I've lost 20 lbs. I was able to get a temporary top plate, which looked better, but I still couldn't chew. Now today I went in all excited that I'd get the final impressions and have my full teeth in a few weeks ..... OH NO ..... before he would do anything, he wanted $4000 up front. Now, this is all after paying him and the Oral Surgeon on a Care Credit card (which is just for doctors), and it's all but paid off. I could have cried. I left feeling like I'd been hit by a rock and came home. It just never ends with me down here .... money, money, money. My tenant is moving out from my condo, and if it's not sold by then, I'll have to pay that mortgage besides my own rent ..... I've got no church, no friends, and I hate this town. I just want to run away. I just don't have the money for all this and am quickly slipping down that deep, black hole again ..... why oh why did I ever come down here ..... life is too short, and it's just not worth all this upset.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep, hi Amberpep, im so sorry you're having so much troubles. Where are you living?
Judy

REPLY
Moderator
Justin McClanahan, Moderator | @JustinMcClanahan | May 2, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made..." + (show)
@amberpep

It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made one big mistake when I moved down here .... it's been never ending turmoil and financial difficulties. Today I went to the dentist, fully expecting to have the final impressions taken for my new teeth. I've had all sorts of surgical procedures done on my mouth since last July and since then have only been able to eat soft food, pureed soup, etc. I've lost 20 lbs. I was able to get a temporary top plate, which looked better, but I still couldn't chew. Now today I went in all excited that I'd get the final impressions and have my full teeth in a few weeks ..... OH NO ..... before he would do anything, he wanted $4000 up front. Now, this is all after paying him and the Oral Surgeon on a Care Credit card (which is just for doctors), and it's all but paid off. I could have cried. I left feeling like I'd been hit by a rock and came home. It just never ends with me down here .... money, money, money. My tenant is moving out from my condo, and if it's not sold by then, I'll have to pay that mortgage besides my own rent ..... I've got no church, no friends, and I hate this town. I just want to run away. I just don't have the money for all this and am quickly slipping down that deep, black hole again ..... why oh why did I ever come down here ..... life is too short, and it's just not worth all this upset.
abby

Jump to this post

Abby, you'll notice that I moved your message to a previous discussion that you started a short while ago. This way you can reconnect with the members who have offered support and who know your story.

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 2, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made..." + (show)
@amberpep

It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made one big mistake when I moved down here .... it's been never ending turmoil and financial difficulties. Today I went to the dentist, fully expecting to have the final impressions taken for my new teeth. I've had all sorts of surgical procedures done on my mouth since last July and since then have only been able to eat soft food, pureed soup, etc. I've lost 20 lbs. I was able to get a temporary top plate, which looked better, but I still couldn't chew. Now today I went in all excited that I'd get the final impressions and have my full teeth in a few weeks ..... OH NO ..... before he would do anything, he wanted $4000 up front. Now, this is all after paying him and the Oral Surgeon on a Care Credit card (which is just for doctors), and it's all but paid off. I could have cried. I left feeling like I'd been hit by a rock and came home. It just never ends with me down here .... money, money, money. My tenant is moving out from my condo, and if it's not sold by then, I'll have to pay that mortgage besides my own rent ..... I've got no church, no friends, and I hate this town. I just want to run away. I just don't have the money for all this and am quickly slipping down that deep, black hole again ..... why oh why did I ever come down here ..... life is too short, and it's just not worth all this upset.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep Hi Abby: I'm so sorry to hear that financial pressures are weighing heavy on you. I've come to realize that financial stress tends to make us all "second-guess" ourselves. We begin to think that we have made poor choices and "if only" we had done something differently, we would not be in this place. However, after having read many of your posts and how kindly you respond to others, I feel that you have undoubtedly made choices and decisions that you felt were for the best and that your motives for those decisions seemed right at the time. This is hard for you to see right now, though. Try today, to "pat yourself on the back" for the courage you have had to move closer to your family and realize that this difficult place you are in now is temporary. Better things are on the horizon for you. Best wishes, Abby. Teresa

REPLY
johnhans | @johnhans | May 2, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made..." + (show)
@amberpep

It just seems that every corner I turn, something else comes up. I think I made one big mistake when I moved down here .... it's been never ending turmoil and financial difficulties. Today I went to the dentist, fully expecting to have the final impressions taken for my new teeth. I've had all sorts of surgical procedures done on my mouth since last July and since then have only been able to eat soft food, pureed soup, etc. I've lost 20 lbs. I was able to get a temporary top plate, which looked better, but I still couldn't chew. Now today I went in all excited that I'd get the final impressions and have my full teeth in a few weeks ..... OH NO ..... before he would do anything, he wanted $4000 up front. Now, this is all after paying him and the Oral Surgeon on a Care Credit card (which is just for doctors), and it's all but paid off. I could have cried. I left feeling like I'd been hit by a rock and came home. It just never ends with me down here .... money, money, money. My tenant is moving out from my condo, and if it's not sold by then, I'll have to pay that mortgage besides my own rent ..... I've got no church, no friends, and I hate this town. I just want to run away. I just don't have the money for all this and am quickly slipping down that deep, black hole again ..... why oh why did I ever come down here ..... life is too short, and it's just not worth all this upset.
abby

Jump to this post

You still have your friends here. i well remember your move from your condo in Maryland to Virginia at your daughter's urging. First things first--your teeth. You do need teeth so you need to come up with some plan. Try discussing this with your daughters since they know the area well. Maybe they can come up with some ideas on how to pay for them. You do live close enough to go back to Maryland to see about getting another tenant or maybe another realtor to sell that condo. I keep hoping you can find another church in your area. I know you stated how you miss your old church. The flowers must be beautiful in Virginia now. Enjoy getting outside before the hot weather comes.

REPLY
lighthouseceliac | @lighthouseceliac | May 3, 2017

So sorry that we all have times like this. You are not alone. Eat sleep breathe and take it all a moment at a time. Writing down your fears and joys too in longhand helps get it out sometimes. Do your best and find something that isn't so stressful, like a tv show or music or a book. Reach out always for help always extending a hand. Life can be so hard to understand. Prayers going your way!!!

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 3, 2017

@lighthouseceliac, @johnhans and everyone else, Thank you for your kind responses! Teresa

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