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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 610
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

~ Flat out at the bottom: so many bills to pay, not sleeping, worry ~

Posted by @amberpep, Apr 12, 2017

I have not been here for awhile …. I am just totally flat out at the bottom. I’m on a list to get a low-income apartment, but so far none is available, I have so many bills to pay off …. I’m getting dentures and I have a huge bill from my dentist, another big bill from my Oral Surgeon, I will soon have a bill of $6000 for a new heating A/C unit I own in Frederick – I’m renting it out and can’t sell it because I’m “under water”, and then of course the normal things like food, Rx’s, gas, electric, etc.
I have not been able to sleep for weeks worrying about this …. I just don’t have enough coming in to pay all the payments that are to go out every month. I’m in a constant state of high anxiety and am having IBS from it, plus migraines. I want to get a job, but I think I’ll try to go full time rather than part time. At 72, I didn’t expect needing a full time job, but it is what it is.
So these are the golden years, huh? Yea, right.
abby

REPLY

That was supposed to say “a new heating/A/C unit at the condo I own in Frederick.”
abby

@amberpep Hi Abby, I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed and that is perfectly natural under the circumstances, but try to remember that circumstances do change. All of us are pulling for you to come out of this and find the answers you need. Remember that you have many friends here who care about you. Keep in touch with us. Teresa

@hopeful33250

@amberpep Hi Abby, I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed and that is perfectly natural under the circumstances, but try to remember that circumstances do change. All of us are pulling for you to come out of this and find the answers you need. Remember that you have many friends here who care about you. Keep in touch with us. Teresa

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Thanks Teresa … truthfully, with a few exceptions it seems everyone is going to the Chronic Pain board ….. now, I’m not diminishing that at all, and I’ve been in their shoes, but clinical depression and anxiety is also painful, just in a different way. Looking forward to the rest of my life, however long it is, it just doesn’t seem worth it ….. I’m tired, very tired. I have a “collection” of things that my kids know nothing about, but at 72, if this continues, they may prove useful someday.
abby

@hopeful33250

@amberpep Hi Abby, I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed and that is perfectly natural under the circumstances, but try to remember that circumstances do change. All of us are pulling for you to come out of this and find the answers you need. Remember that you have many friends here who care about you. Keep in touch with us. Teresa

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@amberpep I understand, Abby. The pain associated with anxiety and depression can seem all encompassing at times, can’t it? However, it does tend to be temporary and treatments are available. I pray that you will find those treatments, help and wisdom for yourself. You are a valuable person here on Mayo Connect. Your comments have encouraged others to speak of their feelings and that is important. Keep sharing and give yourself some “rest breaks” from your worries. We all need you! Teresa

Thanks so much for your gentle reply Teresa ….. I’ve been in therapy for 12 years and am taking 4 different psychotropics. But when I hit “overload” I just can’t contain it anymore. The other night I was so upset over my financial situation that I was ready to drive to the hospital. I didn’t but sat outside in the chilly air for awhile.
Abby

@amberpep. I’m so very sorry what you are dealing with. At 72 you are supposed to be enjoying life and relaxing.

Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University says the first priority in your life is to make sure you have a roof over your head, food to eat, medication for your health and then the rest of the financial concerns. Then you need to prioritize the remaining bills/obligations. You need to think about the reality if you are able to work 40 hours/week. Is that something you can physically do? is there a job that you can do without physical/emotional/mental limitations? Have you thought about being an Uber Driver? Not sure if you have a car or like to drive, but people can make some decent money doing that. You may need to thing about non-traditional jobs at this time of your life. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you you are old or ancient, but you expressed some physical concerns like IBS, which you need restroom facilities nearby. Insomnia is horrible and it sounds like it is anxiety induced. If you are able to reduce some anxiety you will sleep better. You haven’t said what medication you are taking, but a short term anti-anxiety med may help you. Have you consulted your doctor so he/she knows what you are experiencing?

The pain you speak of is so very true, so don’t diminish the role it plays in your life. The burden you carry is heavy; have you thought about sharing it with someone. Talking will help lighten the load. The other person may not be able to help, but there is one other person in the world sharing your life. Sometimes we need that little oomph to push us to the next level. The anxiety is a terrible thing. If you are able to keep the lines of communication open with the people you owe money to that will be in your best interest. Even sending in a small payment is better than nothing, it shows you are at least trying. By not responding or discussing things with them, they think you don’t care or are out to screw them. The threat of collection agencies is terrible, but sometimes a necessary evil to give time to get finances figured out.

My mom just turned 73 and my dad is 75. They had a time after they sold their business and then the buyers defaulted where they didn’t know how they were going to make it. It took some time, but they did. They didn’t discuss a bunch with me, they told me what had happened and how they were struggling and didn’t want to get me involved, so I understand not wanting to burden your kids. I am thinking you are single and without a significant other, so then it is doubly as hard.

Sometimes it is better to write your concerns out on paper so those aren’t something rattling around in your head. By just getting them out you are able to allow positive thoughts into your brain. You need to think of things other than finances and how you aren’t going to be able to make it. I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, I just am a type of problem solver and overthink things sometimes. Blessings!

Thanks for some practical suggestions as well as relating your parents’ story, @alyric. Teresa

Liked by alyric

@amberpep

Thanks so much for your gentle reply Teresa ….. I’ve been in therapy for 12 years and am taking 4 different psychotropics. But when I hit “overload” I just can’t contain it anymore. The other night I was so upset over my financial situation that I was ready to drive to the hospital. I didn’t but sat outside in the chilly air for awhile.
Abby

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@amberpep Hi Abby: I understand about hitting “overload” and I commend you for taking some action, just getting into the night air was undoubtedly better than just “stewing” inside. Keep taking little steps to create a health environment for yourself and keep sharing. We appreciate all that you have experienced and how well you articulate your feeings. Teresa

@alyric

@amberpep. I’m so very sorry what you are dealing with. At 72 you are supposed to be enjoying life and relaxing.

Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University says the first priority in your life is to make sure you have a roof over your head, food to eat, medication for your health and then the rest of the financial concerns. Then you need to prioritize the remaining bills/obligations. You need to think about the reality if you are able to work 40 hours/week. Is that something you can physically do? is there a job that you can do without physical/emotional/mental limitations? Have you thought about being an Uber Driver? Not sure if you have a car or like to drive, but people can make some decent money doing that. You may need to thing about non-traditional jobs at this time of your life. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you you are old or ancient, but you expressed some physical concerns like IBS, which you need restroom facilities nearby. Insomnia is horrible and it sounds like it is anxiety induced. If you are able to reduce some anxiety you will sleep better. You haven’t said what medication you are taking, but a short term anti-anxiety med may help you. Have you consulted your doctor so he/she knows what you are experiencing?

The pain you speak of is so very true, so don’t diminish the role it plays in your life. The burden you carry is heavy; have you thought about sharing it with someone. Talking will help lighten the load. The other person may not be able to help, but there is one other person in the world sharing your life. Sometimes we need that little oomph to push us to the next level. The anxiety is a terrible thing. If you are able to keep the lines of communication open with the people you owe money to that will be in your best interest. Even sending in a small payment is better than nothing, it shows you are at least trying. By not responding or discussing things with them, they think you don’t care or are out to screw them. The threat of collection agencies is terrible, but sometimes a necessary evil to give time to get finances figured out.

My mom just turned 73 and my dad is 75. They had a time after they sold their business and then the buyers defaulted where they didn’t know how they were going to make it. It took some time, but they did. They didn’t discuss a bunch with me, they told me what had happened and how they were struggling and didn’t want to get me involved, so I understand not wanting to burden your kids. I am thinking you are single and without a significant other, so then it is doubly as hard.

Sometimes it is better to write your concerns out on paper so those aren’t something rattling around in your head. By just getting them out you are able to allow positive thoughts into your brain. You need to think of things other than finances and how you aren’t going to be able to make it. I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, I just am a type of problem solver and overthink things sometimes. Blessings!

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alyric ….. thank you so very much for your very well thought out, and kind reply. Yes, I have read many of Dave Ramsey’s books and listened to him on the radio. He’s right about what he said …. it’s just hard to keep that in mind when in the midst of all this.
Interestingly enough, I do a lot of journaling and then when I see my therapist (3 hrs. away) I can relate to him what was going on and probably still is. I also sat down and again refigured my budget, without a job, and if I don’t do anything at all extra, I still have $50 left over at the end of the month. If I start to work when I move, even part-time, that will help. Yes, I’m not sure I can do a full 40 hour week anymore either. I’ve had a knee replacement and a revision, so it gets a little cranky at times.
Tomorrow is Good Friday and I’m going to a local church which has a 7 to 7 personal prayer journey also with the Stations of the Cross. I think going to that for however long I can, will really help. I miss my church in MD horribly and am floundering around in that arena also.
Again, thank you friend ….. thank you.
abby

@hopeful33250

@amberpep Hi Abby, I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed and that is perfectly natural under the circumstances, but try to remember that circumstances do change. All of us are pulling for you to come out of this and find the answers you need. Remember that you have many friends here who care about you. Keep in touch with us. Teresa

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Hi @amberpep, it has been a while since we heard from you. I’m glad you found the courage and energy to write to the community today. That’s not easy. But as you see, we are listening. I hope the burden shared is a burden lighted, at least a little. However, we also recognize that writing to members of an online community may not be enough sometimes. Let us know if you need to talk to trained people via a help line. We can provide a number to call.

@alyric

@amberpep. I’m so very sorry what you are dealing with. At 72 you are supposed to be enjoying life and relaxing.

Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University says the first priority in your life is to make sure you have a roof over your head, food to eat, medication for your health and then the rest of the financial concerns. Then you need to prioritize the remaining bills/obligations. You need to think about the reality if you are able to work 40 hours/week. Is that something you can physically do? is there a job that you can do without physical/emotional/mental limitations? Have you thought about being an Uber Driver? Not sure if you have a car or like to drive, but people can make some decent money doing that. You may need to thing about non-traditional jobs at this time of your life. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you you are old or ancient, but you expressed some physical concerns like IBS, which you need restroom facilities nearby. Insomnia is horrible and it sounds like it is anxiety induced. If you are able to reduce some anxiety you will sleep better. You haven’t said what medication you are taking, but a short term anti-anxiety med may help you. Have you consulted your doctor so he/she knows what you are experiencing?

The pain you speak of is so very true, so don’t diminish the role it plays in your life. The burden you carry is heavy; have you thought about sharing it with someone. Talking will help lighten the load. The other person may not be able to help, but there is one other person in the world sharing your life. Sometimes we need that little oomph to push us to the next level. The anxiety is a terrible thing. If you are able to keep the lines of communication open with the people you owe money to that will be in your best interest. Even sending in a small payment is better than nothing, it shows you are at least trying. By not responding or discussing things with them, they think you don’t care or are out to screw them. The threat of collection agencies is terrible, but sometimes a necessary evil to give time to get finances figured out.

My mom just turned 73 and my dad is 75. They had a time after they sold their business and then the buyers defaulted where they didn’t know how they were going to make it. It took some time, but they did. They didn’t discuss a bunch with me, they told me what had happened and how they were struggling and didn’t want to get me involved, so I understand not wanting to burden your kids. I am thinking you are single and without a significant other, so then it is doubly as hard.

Sometimes it is better to write your concerns out on paper so those aren’t something rattling around in your head. By just getting them out you are able to allow positive thoughts into your brain. You need to think of things other than finances and how you aren’t going to be able to make it. I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, I just am a type of problem solver and overthink things sometimes. Blessings!

Jump to this post

You are very welcome my dear! I understand “floundering” within your faith. I was in that position last September. God knew I needed some help because of the financial, health and emotional struggles i was having. A friend invited me to a women’s conference. I didn’t want to go since I didn’t know anyone but her. I made myself go & it was the best thing I did for myself. I made 10 new Jesus friends, God made himself very real to me & I have a completely new outlook on life.

You got this girl! Just keep talking!

Hi abby, just jumped in to read this. Have not been here to keep track. I will catch up. But i have to just send a SUPER GIANT HUG THIS INSTANT. Do not give up. If you feel like it…post something ASAP. OR CALL WHOEVER OUR SMART MODERATORS SUGGEST. WE ARE ALL WITH YOU!

georgette12 ….. thank you so very much for your kind thoughts. I did see my therapist and psychiatrist (for meds.) last Tuesday, and that always helps. Now, I just need to sell my condo in Frederick, so I won’t have to pay the mortgage and HoA fee when my tenant moves in June. It would be impossible for me to pay the mortgage on that, plus my rent where I’m at now. I desperately need to find a church, and I know that. I have been here over a year and not found one. This is not like me at all. Since 1968, I’ve always been part of an Evangelical, and sometimes Charismatic church, until about 12 years ago I was led to join the Western Orthodox Church …. I love it …. the peacefulness, calmness, contemplative sense during the worship and Communion really ministers to me. But, there aren’t any of them down this way unless I want to drive almost 2 hours. So, I have gone to two different Eastern Orthodox Churches down here and while they believe the same, the worship is not at all alike. It’s not something I can easily adjust to ….. I mean no disrespect, truly, but it feels rather frenetic to me. So, here I am in a place I never thought I’d be spiritually ….. watching one of my old church’s service on-line.
It just seems like everything I try to do goes south. Maybe I should never have moved down here ….. maybe that’s it. I don’t know, but whatever it is, I wish I’d know so I could change it. My 3 kids have been wonderful through this horrible transition. They all have totally “stepped up to the plate” and done whatever was needed to help. I am blessed with them, for sure, and I know that. That’s why I moved down here …… my 2 daughters live down this way (both Geriatric Social Workers), and my son lives outside D.C. in Alexandria where he is a Patent Lawyer.
Sorry I babbled so long …. just so much to think and pray about ……. and I’m still waiting for an apartment to open up in those low-income apaartments ….. that will really help my financial situation.
abby

Dear amber…you are definitely absolutely not babbling.
Actually i think it’s really helpful that you touch on all sorts of stuff like this because it helps you to see all the stuff you are dealing with at one time…which…to me…is good…because seeing it all right there in front of you can help in some way to sort it out. Actually for me, once i see all i’m dealing with…then i SEE THERE IS A GOOD REASON I FEEL SO BAD! So that’s kind of a sideways view of helping me feel better.

And then when i read what you and others are posting and see all the myriad things you all are going through…then i know i’m not alone.

So anyway you look at this….words and words and words and words are really good!

@georgette12

Dear amber…you are definitely absolutely not babbling.
Actually i think it’s really helpful that you touch on all sorts of stuff like this because it helps you to see all the stuff you are dealing with at one time…which…to me…is good…because seeing it all right there in front of you can help in some way to sort it out. Actually for me, once i see all i’m dealing with…then i SEE THERE IS A GOOD REASON I FEEL SO BAD! So that’s kind of a sideways view of helping me feel better.

And then when i read what you and others are posting and see all the myriad things you all are going through…then i know i’m not alone.

So anyway you look at this….words and words and words and words are really good!

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Yes, you’re right. I do a lot of journaling. Here’s another example of my inner voice telling me “you’re always wrong.” I went to a pine car derby yesterday as my little grandson had a car in it. I was with my daughter, sil, and the 2 kids. My X-husband came which I knew he would (he is a good grandfather), and while we get along pretty well now (it’s over 10 years – we were married 40), he just looked so old to me, his hair is all white, he’s got himself so thin that he’s almost gaunt (that’s intentional as he’s not sick), and he’s sort of humped over from his neck ….. he looked pathetic. Everything in me screamed “you did this, it’s all your fault!”. My “head” knows that’s not true – I never wanted a divorce, but he gave me no choice …… he has a personality disorder – Narcissism – and would not even begin to look at his part in our marriage problems. It was like beating my head against a brick wall. My Psychologist told me one Friday that “if you don’t get out of there, I am going to have to admit you to ___________ (name of private Psychiatric Hospital) ….. you cannot keep living like this.” I kept feeling that if I just tried enough, prayed enough, he’d come to his senses, but no, that never happened I left, but the final straw was when I finally convinced him to see a marriage counselor …. the Psy. asked us each to say several positive things about the other. I had no trouble with that because, even with all his narcissistic mindset, he was a good Dad, provider, worker, etc. When it came to be his turn, he sat and thought awhile and said, “she’s a good Mother.” The Psych. asked him, is that all? He nodded and said yes. With that, I got up, and walked out and filed for divorce the next day. It’s not easy to get over 40 years of being with someone, and I probably never will, especially since I instigated the divorce. But, it is what it is, and I’ll continue to survive. But, down here …… after being uprooted from Frederick where I’d lived for 30 years, I doubt I’ll ever really be happy. Just something I have to learn to deal with.
abby

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