How to deal with aging anxiety?

@grahmilou
I just received your very kind reply. I'm so sorry you have lost so many friends and family members all so close together! I'm sure that's extremely hard for you. However, remember that they are all up in Heaven with God and Jesus and all the angels and are with their loved ones who died before them. You will be reunited with them eventually in God's time as I will be reunited with my husband and my friend also. It's just hard for us to be without them; especially in this world that is not as good as it used to be. Now what we have to do is just have faith and pray to God for help and we'll get it. When you are worrying about whatever just ask God to help you to stop worrying and he will. When I was young and would be worrying about things not working out right, I'd ask my Mom, "What are we going to do?" She'd always say, "We are just going to sit right here and pray!" And we did and our prayers would be answered. She also often quoted a part from the Bible, "Take no thought for the morrow. The evil is sufficient unto the day thereof." Then, Mom would always say, "We'll let God handle tomorrow." Many times when I was growing up we often had very little food in the house and no money to buy more because my Father spent a lot of money in the bars. Mom would always inisist that we pray and food or money would always come from somewhere to meet our needs.

I'm so glad you are a Christian! God will be there for you. Just ask for his help. I'll say a prayer for you also.
PML

@pml I pray as continually as possible. I will adapt to circumstances. But grief at loss is also important and sometimes is just hard.

@grahmilou I hear this so clearly "But grief at loss is also important and sometimes is just hard." As you said, grief isn't always due to the loss of a loved one, it can be over loss of what used to be, of things we can no longer do, even fear of what lies ahead.

The feeling of grief can hit so easily, and in such varied times and places. When it happens to me, faith and fact sometimes flee temporarily. I find comfort at those times in memories of better days, and in trying to live "in the moment." Sometimes these help, other times I need to acknowledge the grief and sit with it for a small while.

Usually with those quiet moments, I am able to come out the other side of these times and try to pick up and go on. Sometimes I resort to using meditation to empty my mind and try to relax.

Hi @grahmilou, I'll try to discuss the part: But grief at loss is also important and sometimes is just hard.

Grief at loss is in fact so important that articles in Psychology Today website says that Not-Grieving is actually bad for our health. Crying, yes shedding tears, over the loss of someone who you'd really loved day after day, year after year for many years is our body's innate way to process loss without it becoming toxic.

I HAD to dig up information from credible sources to understand my grieving that I was facing as a well-grown up man in eighties, especially when I was faced with unsolicited advice, 'Be Strong' translated as 'Don't Cry.' And yet it was a reaction almost unbidden, sudden and always consoling, if only, sometimes, for a few hours.
I ended up finding consistent advice to allow the body's way, its wisdom, to take reins, after all it has been with us for a LOT longer than our current messaging along 'men-don't-cry.' That may be true for certain times, but does NOT mean such men are not fearless enough to Step Up with their life when faced with a situation where either you or the one you love can only be alive.

Here's one such psychologist who I found helpful, for your comment's part "...and sometimes it's just hard."
For other matters you've raised I believe you have good suggestions from others. Loss is an inseparable part of the life-as-we-know.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/how-we-go-on/202510/how-men-deal-with-loss-and-what-they-need-most
Wishing you well my fellow traveler.

@grahmilou, first I want to say that what you are feeling is not uncommon. It is often referred to as "senior onset anxiety". The stresses and changes that sometimes go along with aging—poor health, memory problems, and losses—can cause an anxiety disorder. Common fears about aging can lead to anxiety. Many older adults are afraid of falling, being unable to afford living expenses and medication, being victimized, being dependent on others, being left alone, death. You are not alone feeling this way.

You might also find this related discussion helpful:
- Senior anxiety: How do you manage new on-set anxiety as you age? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/senior-anxiety/

The good news is you can get help. Have you discussed your feelings with the primary care physician? Have you considered talking with a therapist or social worker?

@sueinmn I appreciate your supporting comment versus judging as some have or judging my faith as weak. I agreed with what you said.

@sisyphus agree. And there is no simple path to dealing with grief and it isn’t a failure of faith. Sometimes you just need to accept and deal with the pain that is present, tears and all. Nice to have emotional support. Thx

@colleenyoung I counsel others as a psychotherapist. But it doesn’t make me immune. I just needed some place to share. Young therapists have NO clue as to what the challenges of aging are emotionally. Platitudes are unhelpful. Someone coming alongside and reducing the aloneness of the journey helps. Thx

@grahmilou Just wanted to share Im right there with you. Although i do not have ongoing pain, which Im sure makes it worse.
I feel like i spent the first 50 years running towards building a life, working towards goals, moving forward to make things better - and now its coming apart one brick at a time.
Im not sure how prepared any of us are for how life changes.
Most days i feel lucky that Im happy with the smaller scope of my world. I don't need as much to satisfy me.

When I get anxious about what life will be like for my grandchildren, i remind myself that they are smart and will adapt. Their life might be drastically different from the world i grew up in, but think back of how our grandparents lived and what they lived through - I’m sure they were very concerned as they watched our generation change their world.

As @mir123 said, we can give our grandchildren love that will sustain them through life. I also try to provide experiences for my grands to build self confidence and skills to help them weather the changes they will experience in life. I may be losing parts of the life i had built, but I’m helping to support their future, one little piece at a time.

I recently heard this commentk, something to think about:
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Let us know what you think.