Bipolar adult son refuses any mental health treatment - help

@mercerspring Gosh I’m so sorry! The mania makes them so stubborn and fools them into thinking it’s all good. But where will he go? I am so fearful for them to end up lost and living on the street. This is so hard.

I feel that our fears for them always remains the same, they are very precious and we will do everything possible to protect them. When my life turned upside down by this disease I went on a mission to get the help he needed, the doctors were rather hesitant to take control of the situation because of lawsuits, they remained almost passive in their approach. I researched everything to get some information and I found something interesting, it read that many years ago people abused the mental health care system for their own personal needs, i.e., getting a family member committed for monetary gain or something else to remove them from the family, it also went on to say that even doctors at the right price would assist in doing misdeeds. I realize my information is off the track but my point is that our medical system is outdated and the success rate is not very good, it’s not always the fault of the patient. In the UK they are amazing and one thing that they do is not give out prescriptions because most cases they don’t trust the system but in the UK they’re put on a disability pension and the medication is given by vaccines so they know that they’re getting the medication. Mental healthcare is still not working well for most patients but on a brighter note they are making some major changes with the drugs they use and using new sources that are showing signs of helping, amen.

That is very interesting. I have done all my homework as to how I can help my son - but he does not meet any requirements outside of my drawing a boundary. I can’t quite wrap my mind around how someone who is choosing homelessness and on a “ personal mission” when they are educated with a family that loves them can fall outside any help but rather seen as a competent adult. As long as he does not threaten harm to himself or others - he can continue to free fall, which truly is a harm to himself. I am making sure to document each interaction and at some point he may qualify for help monitored by the state. Until then he is out looking for good Samaritans - code for people who will help him with no expectations. It is my hope that with time the mania will pass and that he will return and not just agree to mental health - but seek it out so that he will be a true customer for change - and in turn live a fulfilling and independent life. Medication is crucial for brain chemistry - but even counseling would be incredible to help him on his path to health. Thank you again for sharing. And how sad that people took advantage of a system and broke it so that those who truly want to help someone from destroying their own health have nowhere to turn.

@bewildered
That is exactly the place I find myself in. Stand strong in love and hope the boundary will bring him the life he deserves at some point - or have no idea where he is or how he is doing. The state of mania forces them to protect their beliefs that work against them to a point where they can end up in dangerous circumstances. If you were to ask my son - he has never been happier or more clear in his thinking- despite having given away everything he owns, not a penny to his name and living on the streets. The paranoia was breaking before he left - the mania flaring at random intervals - and I was sure to tell him as he walked off that I love him very much and I am always here for him when he is ready to accept the help he deserves. This is the only way I can help him and not enable him into a life controlled by brain chemistry that works against him. He is smart, clever, very kind and personable - it is my belief he will be able to survive and be safe - even in the streets - and with time may see clearly how much his family loves him and return with an openness to accept help and live his best life - and stop the cycle of being fine , being depressed , giving up , running and sinking into “ missions” that the brain tricks him into thinking are real ( this time it was to be a solo missionary to the homeless , last time it was to escape to Mexico for a simple life ). I explained all the ways I can help him when he helps himself - that his desire to the help the homeless are admirable but his living independently is what will allow him to have a true impact. That the whole situation is not either or - but rather both and! However, At the moment he is not open to reason, as that’s how this period of bipolar goes. Thank you for caring. It is truly appreciated.

@foundryrat743
That is amazing. Well done.

@mercerspring
Hello, are you doing okay? Just reaching out to see how things are going with your son? Praying that things are better for your family. Our son finally got stabilized with his meds and is back home now in a recovery period. It’s hard putting back together someone else life, and putting your own life on hold. He was on alot of medication in hospital but now his doctor taken him off the Invega and depakote, to help decrease the terrible side effects (shaking and fatigue) but he still is on Haldol and Lithium. It’s a crazy roller coaster (as someone else put it on here) of relapse, hospitalizations and recovery. I am praying for a few years at least of stability this time so we can all find a little peace. I would love to travel the world if he can become independent again to some degree. We had planned a trip to Asia this year, that I am hoping we can do. I am still struggling to accept the way that he is now, and sadly not expect him to return to the way he was. Maybe never find a partner or have a career or be fully independent from us. That makes me sad. I can only hope and pray he improves and finds happiness. It is hard.

I agree that it’s very sad to experience such a loss of a loved one who has drastically changed, from a familiar face to a stranger, in fact it’s painful because they’re still physically present but that’s it. I used to believe that he would just come back one day.

A roller coaster indeed. Thank you for reaching out for a follow up on my son and for updating me on your son. I am glad he has accepted treatment. One never knows to what degree treatment will take - being a cautious optimist seems appropriate. I do hope you are able to get to Asia - I understand what you are saying. I tell people I’m cleaning out my basement and three years later I say the same - and they think it’s that full of “ stuff” when in actuality I am never able to follow thru due to putting out fires. My son continues to refuse to even entertain the thought of treatment - medication or counseling. He remains homeless / but has built a network of people in town who look after him. He is so kind , which serves him well ( or perhaps it’s the opposite as no rock bottom ever hits). I don’t ask him questions as he must come to terms with his choices for there even to be a chance of his seeking help. He currently is active in his faith and I’m left wondering if it is a manic direction or if he has truly found a path that works well for him (being of service brings structure and the ability to help others - his passion) . Only time will tell. In the meantime I packed up my truck and my dog and am driving about the country visiting people - as when he would come by my house I hadn’t the heart to not it answer the door , which was doing him no favors. I will return home in a month and hope the time on his own has provided some sense of clarity ( again- cautious optimist. ). I wish you well. Safe and happy travels to you. All we have is today - enjoy what you have …. as yesterday and tomorrow do not exist - yet today you have your beautiful son back - in whatever form that looks like. It is still beautiful.

@frouke
A “familiar face to a stranger” - so difficult. (understatement). Change is hard and hope can prove fragile. You are grieving the son you had. How hard that is!
I wish you strength, endurance and peace. I don’t understand the things that can go so sideways in the human body ( such as mental illness or even the cancer that took my husband) but I am trying hard to step back and not be swallowed by it all. A bit of perspective and self care can go a long ways. Please take care of yourself. 💙