Bipolar adult son refuses any mental health treatment - help

@mercerspring thank you for sharing more of your story, I had missed your last post about your son moving out already when I first replied. I am so sorry. It is obvious that you love him and have done everything you can for him. It is so hard living with this cloud of mental illness, even when they are not living with us, it’s a constant worry. Even when the medication is working, my son is still not the same person he was 10 years ago. It is like there has been a lot of damage to him physically, emotionally, socially. He doesn’t take good care of himself anymore. He struggles now with relationships with others and has problems with money, spending all he has at times. Many times he refuses to listen to reason and it made life here at home very combative. He has lived on and off with our other two children and that was very hard on them. He is the oldest but they always felt like they had to take care of him, and was always difficult to live with. It’s weird because he was always so nice, smart and athletic, and conscientious growing up. An honor student. It’s heartbreaking to have seen the changes. Life is already so hard. I am sorry that you are dealing with this alone since your husband passed, that must be so hard on you. You are incredibly strong, and I really admire you for doing all that you have. I don’t think I could do it. I have even asked my husband please not to go first because I couldn’t do this without him. And I don’t blame parents that have had to let their adult kids with mental illness go, and become homeless because it is unbearable, and often they reach a point that there is nothing anyone can do. I pray every day now. For a long time I didn’t pray, as I was angry about the unfairness of all this. But praying now gives me an inkling of hope that things will get better. And that’s all we have. I pray that your son seeks treatment and comes home to be near you. I pray that you and I and others on this forum that are struggling and dealing with mental illness can find some peace.

@frouke I am sorry for your loss but happy you were able to stay in touch with him. I have heard great things about health care in the UK and that they take care of their people. Here in US it is only getting worse. Our son racked up tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills before we were finally able to get him Medicaid. And not in Wyoming as can only have it if you have an extremely low paying job or are pregnant. Makes zero sense to me. And his disorder is really hard on our marriage and family to try and live normally let alone be happy. After talking to my son today and he was so manic that I am doubtful he can recover this time. I am praying that happiness finally comes in our next life. Anyway, I hope you have found some peace now that your husband’s soul is at rest. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for caring. This site has been therapy for me. I do really need to get some treatment myself or even reach out to NAMI as well. Thank you

@bewildered
Such a beautiful outreach of caring for me and my son. I thank you. I am trying to push hard this time as the younger he seeks help it often proves to be more successful. No guarantees of anything to be sure. But always hope , always prayer. I am trying to be strong with all I have not just for my son, not just for me, not just for my other four children - for our family. That we may come together in strength. Two of my other children also are bipolar - but with medication and therapy they are thriving. What I am going through now is nothing like what I experienced with them. They let me pull them out of the well with my helping hand with gratitude whereas this son pulls with all his might to bring me into his well. Constantly needing saving - but never has a problem. (just ask him). He was hard on me as he took off this morning - once I said my expectations haven’t changed ( before that he wanted to go out for breakfast - expecting that I would “ come to my senses” ) - but I stayed strong ( perhaps even surprising myself ) … but I felt the strength of my family behind me and the strength of the amazing people on this Mayo site as well as the crisis team and NAMI. I have also sought much counseling since his last episode to simply be able to handle it as best as I can. Prepare for the worst - expect the best. Without my husband it is so much more difficult. I also have two siblings severely bipolar (although they didn’t show sever signs before I had children) and my other brother who recent passed dealt with profound autism. My parents had me at nearly 50 years of age - so I do not have that support network as well. But I do have a beautiful and caring sister - though she lives far (& has stage four cancer ) , and some dear friends- sprinkled around the United States . But the boots on the ground are solely in my hands ( or would that be my feet - boots and all ). I try to stay positive and go about my day. Although today is like a waiting game - knowing fireworks are lurking just outside my door. And when I get firmer I am unsure as to whether he could get agitated to aggression ( it’s not his nature - but he is unstable ). Keep me in your prayers. It’s going to be a rough afternoon/evening …. Depending on when he shows up.

@mercerspring I’m happy that your other kids are thriving even with this bipolar. Maybe it is possible. What medications do they take? Our son has tried so many so am losing hope. Right now ( in hospital still) he is on Invega, Hadol ( both anti-psychotic monthly shots) lithium, and depakote for mood stabilizers. It’s a lot. Seemed better last couple days but was in an awful manic, accusatory state this morning on phone. Beside myself again. My husband got upset and left. Just wondering what medications your others are doing

@bewildered
Thank you for your reply. Let me clarify what happened in my home …. My son had a major episode that required treatment three years ago but refused all medication and counseling since leaving Genrose. I have supported him - emotionally and financially since. Invested in his living as full of a life as possible. Enrolled him in study programs, provided housing. Even had him in my home for 7 of the last nine years - which is when my husband passed away . Despite my encouragement and love, mental illness returned and will continue to do so - until I can convince him to be open to getting well. At least giving mental illness treatment a three month chance. I promised my other four children that if he ended up giving everything he owns and ending up homeless again - which he has - that I would warmly welcome him in , but would expect him to pursue mental health help ( therapy or medication or a combination of both ). He has flatly refused. I did not force him onto the streets , I simply stated that for him to be in my home that seeking mental health treatment for at least three months was expected. He chose to walk. Breaks my heart. My son is not his mental illness. It is not his fault. He is so amazing. But bringing his disorder into our home when he completely refuses to help himself is doing none of us a service. I am always here for him. Always. He knows that. My parting words of how much I love him. Regarding the information you shared regarding your home … I am so proud of how you have fought for your son. Medically, emotionally and financially. That’s beautiful. It appears your son is open to help - in all three areas, whereas my son would not do anything to help his mental health. I think what you are providing is exactly what I would be honored to offer my son - but addressing his mental health must be a part of it. Until he accepts that, I can not help. But know…. I even have a signed taped to my front door welcoming him home ( should he come by) and that we love him and are here to help him help himself. I wish you continued strength. Your dedication to your son is beautiful.

@mercerspring You are doing the right thing - don’t give upon your tough love!

@rashida
Thank you for the support - he feels like I pushed him out … in actuality it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. As keeping him at home would be easy for me ( he is lovely and helpful - despite being in need of mental health help ) - but it would all be for me. To know he’s safe. To share his company. None of it would be about what he needs and deserves the most - help. True mental health help ( however that would look ) so he can live a more peaceful and productive and stable life. It’s what he deserves.

@mercerspring I hear you!

@mercerspring someone recently sent me this while I am going through some difficulty with two of my three “children” (in their early forties) and it resonated with me. Of course, my problems with my kids are nowhere near as challenging as yours. My heart goes out to you and all mothers dealing with any mental health challenges.
https://m.youtube.com/watch