Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

2Me Things have changed for us over the past three-plus months. After
a bad fall, my husband spent two weeks in the hospital, two weeks in rehab,
and is now living in a senior living residence where he has the care he
needs. It's independent living with care, so we can adjust things as we go
along. The transition was very difficult for both of us and we're still
working things out, but I believe we're settling in and both of us are
doing okay. My husband seems to be accepting his situation, more or less,
and I'm doing so much better. I'm not annoyed with him now. I see him
virtually every day--yesterday was the third day "off" I've had in over
three months--and I can easily be with him for a couple of hours. On
Sundays, when the facility doesn't serve dinner, we go out or I bring
something in to his small apartment. Our Thanksgiving day plans fell
through so I ate at his place with the other residents. The turkey dinner
was great and I enjoyed the experience very much. I was glad things turned
out as they did, and my daughter's family were healthy enough for us to go
to their house for a big dinner on Friday. I was going crazy before and
hated the way I felt. Now I can be consistently nice and look out for
things that come up, which happened last week. If I hadn't caught
something, I don't know how things would have turned out, but I was able to
advocate for him. It was exhausting and involved driving all over the city
but he got what he needed. Not everyone can afford to find a good place
for a loved one with dementia, but for us it's made all the difference.
For me, absolutely. Hubs has Alzheimer's so this isn't going to get
better, but he's in a good, safe place with everything he needs and a staff
that is incredibly kind.

If you do have the option of residential care, I'd encourage you to take
it, assuming the facility is a nice place for hubs to be and for you to
visit. The tension has drained out of our relationship after years of
increasing frustration. You must make the decision and don't feel guilty
for what you choose to do. You have a right to life, you know, and you
don't have to throw your husband under the bus to have it. Things can get
better but you have to take the reins. I know I've grown a lot because of
this experience. I'll soon be 80 and there's still life to live. All the
best to you and yours.

@pamela78 I’m so glad to read that though your situation has changed, it seems to be working out for you both. Decisions like that (Residential care/independent or assisted living) are so very difficult, but made easier when you realize it is best for both parties. You are a very strong 79-year old, and you need to care for yourself also. Glad that your daughter and family are close. I am fortunate in that area also! One of our daughters lives quite close and she and her family are wonderfully supportive. Not sure what our path looks like at this point, but all my best to you and your family!

Question: What type of therapist does one look for when dealing with a spouse with MCI?

@murkywaters if looking for a therapist for yourself, I’d recommend one who is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). Maybe one who has worked in a hospital. When I was looking, i asked multiple people for recommendations. I had been a nurse in the hospital so I knew how excellent the social workers were. The woman I ended up with is very good, friendly, and helpful. She usually doesn’t have earth-shattering advice, but just talking to her is a great help.
Finding a good therapist is well worth the effort! I wish you the best.

@becsbuddy I have been looking for a uniquely qualified therapist for both me and my wife also. I say that because I wanted a therapist that specializes in AD. Needless to say, that has been an extremely difficult task. Numerous medical people have suggested I look on the Psychology Today website. I finally found one that I will be having an initial consultation with to see if she is what I am looking for.

Unless someone can convince me otherwise, I don't think a regular therapist would be qualified to truly help deal with AD unless you just need to talk with someone.