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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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Hi There, you seem to have summed up issues around aging well. I am 72 years old, and have recently been diagnosed with ALS, so my future is limited. I have 4 adult children, but I don't want to be a burden to them, so
I am acting now, being realistic about ageing and illness. As a young adult I imagine we were both energetic, happy with our looks, and life seemed to stretch out before us endlessly. I, too, mourned the loss of my youth, but now I focus on the present and not the past. I may have wrinkles, can't do long walks any more, people stand up and offer me a seat on the bus...but age has it's positive sides. The things that seemed so important when I was young (my looks, my romances, my hectic social life) are no longer important to me. What matters is the person inside. Now that I am old I have experiencd so many things in my life I enjoy having time to do things which I enjoy. I do voluntary work, catch up with my children and friends, and focus on th positive and not the negative. While you are still active, make sure you have all your legal issues in place. Write your will,
your Advanced Care Directive, your Power of Attorney and have a look around for housing and support in your later years. I live in Australia, so these things might have different names in the U.S., but a visit to a lawyer would sort it all out. Ageing is the price we pay for life, and it is often confronting to have to face the inevitable. Hold your head up high, focus on the benefit of years of experience, and spend time with young people. You could be a mentor to them because of your knowledge and experience. Try to enjoy each day, and don't worry about how many candles are on your birthday cake!
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6 Reactions@carmine100 Yes, I'm grateful both for the person who offered help as I was gathering my things, and for the other person who stayed behind to walk out with me. Both were very gracious and caring acts.
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1 Reaction@nycmusic I like the idea of rhinestones on a cane. My mother had a deep purple, flower covered cane. She always got compliments on it. It made her feel good.
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4 ReactionsI just turned 82 November 11 on veterans day and a veteran. I thank God for every breath I take. And I realize not everyone will have the privilege of aging we have had. I am honored and grateful for having the privilege of aging.
Happy Thanksgiving to all and may God continue to bless you.
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15 Reactions@captboat Thank you for your service, and I believe a good attitude helps with our aging journey and you definitely have one! 😊 Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
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3 Reactions@merry -- Hi... hope you're doing well.
You mentioned the term "bucket list" in your original post. I've almost finished reading an interesting book ("Strength to Strength," by A. Brooks) which has altered my view of that term. Think you, and others here... especially seniors, might appreciate this author's thoughts about the whole "bucket list" concept.
Don't wanna turn this into a long post, so I'll just leave this little teaser here. I found the book enjoyable and useful for those at our stage of life... and actually also for those younger than us as well. The book is not new (2022), and available at local libraries.
All the best!
/LarryG
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4 Reactions@capt (ain-of-the) boat -- that is astounding ... to see old age as "privilege."
I am sure the goddesses and gods of old-age must be dancing like a drunk Rasputin on a table, exultant with your adulation.
And I only thought you make good jokes! Haha,ha,
I hear you, my fellow-human,.. I've always introduced myself as "I am in my 65th year as soon as I completed 64 years, for so many years. I mean if u r not buying beer as a teenager, all the seller wants to know is u r At Least 18 revolutions-of-the-sun old.
In all other situations, let's BRAG Our Age. I am sooo glad to find at least ONE person who'd agree with me.
Salute! @captboat
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3 Reactions@sisyphus
Thank you for your support and your clever response. Somewhere in my fifties I was purchasing wine ( as a gift) and the young man, cashier asked for ID. I was amused and after showing my ID, I asked to see his. To see if he was “old enough” to sell it to me.
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5 Reactionswhy we should not go gently into that good night - Dylan Thomas
Good article in NYT about aging.....here is a little excerpt,
"the Japanese, who have been tracking the physical progress of older generations for decades. They do so by measuring both walking speed and grip strength, two widely accepted measures of physical capacity among older adults. Over a period of 20 years, the walking speeds of older Japanese men and women increased at significant rates. Today’s 75- to 79-year-olds walk faster than those five years younger did a generation prior. The data in Japan is particularly notable, but similar studies have shown progress across generations in the advanced economies of the world.
Being prematurely classified as old has negative consequences for both individuals and society.
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5 Reactionsmore from NYT article
Becca Levy, a psychologist at the Yale School of Public Health, has found that older adults who take in more negative attitudes on aging tend to be less mobile, have poorer memory, recover more slowly from injury and disease, are more susceptible to cognitive decline and tend to die an average of 7.5 years sooner than similarly situated peers with more positive attitudes on aging.
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2 Reactions