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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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@1995victoria The questions about daily activities by your doctor are NOT meant to be disrespectful, it is their way of subtly asking "how are you doing" and is one of a series of questions providers may use to get a full picture of your capabilities.
On one visit you may be asked about grocery shopping, on another about laundry, house cleaning, transportation, bill paying, etc. Over time, if your answers change, it gives an indication of whether your abilities are stable or declining. This is not ageist or discriminatory - our capacity does change as we age, and it is the provider's job to monitor this as part of your general health.
Maybe, if you are asked similar questions in the future, you could view it in this light, and politely ask "Why are you asking me this question?" The answer might surprise you.
By the way, if you are on Medicare and choose a new primary provider, you may be asked to complete a questionnaire with all of the above questions and more so they can get to know you. You may also have to answer a similar list of questions if you are hospitalized for illness or surgery before they release you.
There are plenty of things in this world to be indignant about - being offered help need not be one of them...
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5 ReactionsAs for myself, recently turned 80, i personally shy away from all the age jokes, etc. , quietly accept help given, even if not needed, as it is a nice bonding with fellow humans…there’s so much good we can fill these days with, and I personally look forward to each day, accepting they aren’t all necessarily going to be ‘’good’’ days—but, that I live to see another day !! I think having cancer has taught me a lot !
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4 Reactions@daveshaw Carmine thanks for all the likes.
I wish you the best. We can’t stop Father Time but we can slow him down and have a better quality of life as we age
There are things out of our control but keeping in shape is not one of them.
Good luck to you.
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3 Reactions@1995victoria of course, we all want respect—but one way of living longer is that we can free ourselves of worrying about what other people think of us so much…
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4 Reactions@sueinmn My question is do they ask these questions of 30 year olds?
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1 Reaction@nycmusic
As my father used to say after he turned 80, “Every day I wake up is a good day!”
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4 Reactions@sueinmn
Thank you for that explanation. I was recently asked by my doctor’s physicians assistant if all my bills were paid. I assured her I had enough money and was up to date with paying everything, but I was puzzled. “Are they worried I won’t pay for this visit?” This explains what was going on.
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2 Reactions@methel docs try to assess how well we are able to handle activities of daily living, and if we are experiencing financial or other stresses that affect health…
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2 Reactions@methel …and if we made it to 80, we can handle whatever comes up better…
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2 Reactions@1995victoria No, they do not. But they don't ask me about birth control or menopause like they do younger women. And they ask my husband about prostate concerns, which they wouldn't ask a 30 year old; they would ask him about STD's, drinking habits and safe sex practices.
Proper medical practice is about knowing what concerns frequently need to be addressed in specific populations and then doing it.
Whether it affects you right now or not, it is a fact that difficulty with daily tasks and physical activity becomes more common as we age. Learning if you are experiencing these issues requires questions because in a 15 - 30 minute appointment the provider does not have the opportunity to observe you "in action. " Thus asking specific questions is a "best practice" for providers, not disrespect.
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6 Reactions