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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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@edsutton did you come up with this and build it ? Very nice and gentle sound..the vertical arrangement of strings saves space and the keyboard looks like a piano..thanks, very cool ! Enjoy !!
Is it me? I am getting more and more aggravated with people who expect me to move like a 25 year old. I had MRI, and while I was getting up the technician came over to get me up, my response was, "I'm slow but I can get up without help if you give me a chance". I have low bp, and need to take it slow to avoid light headedness. Others repeat instructions, as if I didn't hear the first time, so I say "yes, you told me already twice" I feel like I'm being stereotyped (especially in medical settings), and I resent it. I want to be viewed as an individual with many years of experience, education and abilities. For a while I was just accepting and ignoring the "disrespect", now I'm getting angry. Am I wrong? Should I go back to ignoring?
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2 Reactions@1995victoria Oh, I am so with you on this.
I taught a course at the university, "Cognition and Aging" and this topic was also my area of expertise. This was in the 1990's and all of what you are talking about was in the research literature, textbooks, and readings even then. Now I am in that very same age group. We are all individuals just as we were in our 20's. Some of us move more easily than others and some of us have hearing loss and some do not (I wear hearing aids). Helping someone off the MRI table is likely a liability issue. I think the next time that happens I will ask the provider if they do this for everyone. But repeating instructions or talking in a very loud voice to me? Nope, I don't need that and I don't like it either. If someone repeats to me before I have a chance to respond I try to politely say "I heard you the first time". You're aren't wrong at all. It's up to you whether you want to ignore this and yet it could be helpful to come up with a few responses that you will use in these situations.
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1 ReactionAnswer: perception is not reality.
My formula:
1. Be open, honest, and loving…
2. Do the best you can do.
3. Be the best you can be.
4. DO NOT REHEARSE THE
HURTS!
5. Thank God for every minute
of every day.
6. Pray often and continuously.
AMEN
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16 ReactionsI am 84 and have never experienced this. However when and if it happens, I would most likely ignore ~ at least I hope I would.
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4 Reactions@1995victoria
I’m 83 and sometimes need the extra concern. And appreciate most courteous offers of help. Of course I use a walker while out and others can reasonably assume that I’m not normally mobile. Two days ago I accepted a stranger’s offer to put my walker in the back of my SUV although I assured the well-wisher I could do it.
Perhaps it is just my laziness but I rationalized that my gracious acceptance encouraged her to volunteer to help someone next time who actually may need her help.
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7 Reactions@1995victoria maybe easier to just accept the decent impulses from others than to feel angry, as anger can actually age us faster…aging is frustrating, but there are many pluses to help balance things…wishing you many, many good/better days !
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2 Reactions@methel My feelings exactly.
And, I usually laugh.
Also, I appreciate the offer of help, as sometimes
I need it.
What I think is worse is not being helped as a senior, like
when someone lets a door go just as you get there rather than
hold it open to help you enter. I would tell their mother if I could!!
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5 Reactions@kayraymat
Which brings up a point of etiquette. When the person going into a fast food place ahead of me, stops and holds the door for me to go through and then closes the door, it puts them behind me in the line. I then always insist that they go ahead of me in line. My daughter says that’s not necessary. Any opinion?
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2 ReactionsMostly, I just appreciate the help and say thank you.
Sometimes I think but don’t say, if you’re lucky you will grow this old too.
And I help others when I can.
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3 Reactions