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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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@suppiskey2surv
I am not sure how to private message to talk but appreciate the response. Due to my fears I could easily shut myself in which is so destructive
, Not sure why I he so many fears but was out of the workforce for awhile so maybe that made it worse. just the self isolating with the dog.
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1 Reaction@deniae
Just have to select the option on my profile under my picture. Let me know, my friend, if you don't see the option. Otherwise, I can PM you.
@suppiskey2surv
I clicked on but it said something like reactions and comments. I clicked on that but then it didn't go from there ?
@deniae
Well, poop. Watch for mine, honey!
I struggle to keep up with the house. H doesn't want any one to come in - strangers and afraid what they might use to clean.
But it is wearing on me. For instance, he is always dropping his cane or ramming the walls and appliances with his walker.
Yesterday he dropped his cane and broke one of the knobs on the stove. They are hardy pieces, but if something forcefully hits them just right they can break. The other day it was the refrigerator he dropped his can into, another dent (there are probably about 5 or 6). Same with the dishwasher.
It is depressing to see how my once well-kept home is deteriorating. Carpet stains because he insists on walking around with his coffee cup and wobbles. It is very difficult for me to get those cleaned up. I tried to get him to use one of those cups with a lid, but that is a no go.
He has a bad hip, pinched nerve, bad knees, etc. and I am terrified he is going to fall and break one of his hips.
As for phobias - I can't wash the kitchen floor with Lysol, Mr. Clean and heaven forbid he even THINKS he saw a Pine-Sol bottle. Vinegar and water? That bothers his lungs as well, or so he says. I think it is in his mind because one day, when he was sitting outside, I washed all the kitchen appliances down using Simple Green. Now if he had seen the bottle I would have had to have all the windows open, the exhaust fans on, etc. because it was all affecting his lungs. On this day he didn't see the bottle so he didn't go off the deep end. THAT WAS ENLIGHTENING!
It is basically a thing that IF he can smell it, it bothers his lungs.
Oh, H's is the guy who insists on wrapping chicken bones and putting them in frig. because if you put them in the inside OR outside garbage can they will sting. Only chicken bones, not pork chop bones, steak bones, rib bones, only chicken bones.
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2 ReactionsI wonder how many of you caregivers are also dealing with someone who has depression. My hubby has been severely depressed since retiring 10 years ago. He has plenty of health issues, chf, diabetes, asthma complications due to the diabetes and his assorted health issues because basically he refuses to take care of himself. It’s an always losing cycle With him setting himself up because of the depression. He loved the hearing aides when he was working but once he retired “found” them ineffective so quite wearing them. Asking him to repeat constantly is tiring . Because of the depression he is in his head most of the time and doesn’t have conversation or thinks maybe he has had it. In my husbands case his heart issues will not allow him to take meds for depression. Meds for depression may help some of you if recipient isn’t in total denial.
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