~ Do I stay here and make my kids happy, or do I move back? ~

Hi Amber, my name is Lacey and I want you to know, theres nothing wrong in the way you feel. Most people I know are sorry they moved to another state or area for what-ever reason. I also want you to know, that you cannot change your life for your children, ex-husband or anyone else for that matter, it never works, as everyone has their own lives.
You have to join groups, talk to other people aside from family and go out to lunch and shopping with any friends you may have made, if not, than get out and meet people, theres plenty of lonely people out there. Be strong and take care of your own life, make yourself # 1. God bless you Amber.

You need to do what you can do to make yourself and stop worrying so much about what other people think. I hope you make up your mind soon.
Good luck and please let us know what you decide.
Take care,
Lesllie

I'm going to talk this over with my therapist Tuesday and go from there. I'm afraid I'll just choose to stay, no matter how much I don't like it, just so my kids aren't hurt. (I know, don't say it.)
abby

Lacey ..... thank you for your compassion. That helps this morning, for sure. My social life used to revolve around groups in my church in MD, but my particular denomination isn't down this way.......Western Orthodox. There is Eastern, but while they have the same beliefs, the service and "rules" are quite strict and to my way of thinking, legalistic. The closest Western one is 1-1/2 hours away, which I could do on a Sunday, but not during the week for other groups.
I've never been much of a joiner ..... the one thing I did in MD was the SASSM ..... St. Andrews Scottish Society of Mid Maryland ..... it's a group of Scottish folks who meet monthly, have various events throughout the year, share stories, and the big event of the year is always the Celtic Festival in May. I so much miss those people and the Festival. I always oversaw the author's venue, where we had Celtic authors displaying and reading their books. Being a book nut, I just savored it.
Sorry about the blabbling, but I realize how much I've left behind when I moved. I think before I see my therapist, I'll again make a list of "pros and cons." That should help clarify things a bit.
I "know" what I want to do, but I'm so concerned about hurting my kids that I'm almost paralyzed mentally.
abby

Amber, you sound a lot like me. I guess I would do anything to make my son feel better, but he's the one that moved away after he retired. I know he loves me and he visits a couple of times a year. We're planning now to move into a retirement community if we ever get an apartment. It has been a hard decision because it will take all our money and there will be nothing left for our son, but we can't stay in our home with no one to help out occasionally. Life sure doesn't turn out like we expect, does it?

Hi Amber, Lacey here, I think your stuck in mind and thought regarding your kids. I have a son in Ilonois and
he kept pestering for me to move there, that would never happen, I love North Carolina and my home with my
3 doggies here. You will always regret not going back to the roots you love and your religion sounds very close
to your heart and soul , as mine is and you have to do whats best for you, it will be your decision and if and I
know they do Love you, they would want you to be happy. Listen to your heart. Lacey

THANK YOU, so much Lacey for telling me that there are many other people who feel just as I do. Somehow, before I moved, everyone around me used to say, "oh, you make friends easily ... you'll be fine." And, that's pretty much what my kids tell me now .... you'll be fine, Mom. OK, then when???? I've been here for almost 18 months and I still do not like the area at all. I may have used this before here, but it's rather like taking an old tree, digging it out by its roots, and replanting it in another country ..... it may thrive, it may not.
abby

What about all those people who tell us that "oh, I moved closer to my son/daughter and I'm so happy." Maybe if I was going to Florida it would be different, but MD is my home, and that's where I belonged.
And the thing about needing help at some point ..... I had the knee replacement, and then the revision knee replacement, and none of my kids came to stay a few days to help me ..... I had a girlfriend come down from PA for the first one. One of my girls has 2 kids (homeschools one of them), and the other works. It's always something that makes them not be able to come help. If I were here, it would be different .... that's the plus side, and truthfully, I think the side my kids, and I, have been thinking of. I'm 72 and it's realistic .......
abby

I'm sorry I proof read my post and didn't catch my mistake. It should say make yourself happy.

Your spiritual family is your "real" family - blood relatives, less so - particularly in the bigger picture. I was married to a narcissist for two years and never married again, it was so traumatic. Sadly I had to co-parent with him (more than 33 years now) our only child, so watching her jumping through hoops trying to get him to love her has been torture. Very very hard to parent emotionally healthy children with a narcissist and your daughters are doubtless going to have been impacted. Anyway after forty years, you've gone above and beyond for your adult children - they have their own lives now - and you need to focus on your spiritual family and recognize at 72, it is now or never. I think we have a responsibility to recognize our "higher" purpose in life - remember the first commandment - and if you have a meaningful spiritual life back in your condo, go for it. Teaching your children that you also have an important life (above and beyond them and their desire to be with their dad) and just return to the place you are happy and most God centered. Life is short. If you make God #1 in your life, you'll never be sorry. Focus on your spiritual family, not blood relatives and you'll find your way into a better life. If you don't, you are going to lose your health from the stress. Not advisable! What makes other people "happy" isn't remotely relative to your situation. If your spiritual community is close to your condo, I'd go back there asap. And when you do visit, your two girls and your grandkids will appreciate you more than they do now. It will be more "special" to see you. The Orthodox monks on Mt Athos actually place the gift of discernment above love, because you can love the wrong people - and ultimately end up mired in idolatry. Put your deep religious faith in God in first place and you'll be fine. Best wishes, Carol