~ Do I stay here and make my kids happy, or do I move back? ~

@amberpep I'm sorry to see that you are still struggling with your change in residence and the influence of your ex-husband. It is a difficult road and I understand that. I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to be happy during this time. Best wishes as you sort out your feelings and make a new life for yourself. I know how difficult it can be! Teresa

Hi Teresa ..... I'm sorry to be such a whiner. Truthfully, I have never in my life been like this before, but there's something about being uprooted at this age and expected to thrive ..... without a partner.
I did make an appt. with the hairdresser I used in Frederick. I loved the way she did my hair ..... the cut and style, highlights, and this time of year I'd get a blue stripe and purple stripe in the front. I go to a lady down here who is actually my daughter's sister-in-law ... family. I've been going there and while she's really nice, she just doesn't have the knack and skill the one did in Frederick. I'm sure this won't fly very well, but at least it'll be another taste of Frederick that I can count on. I will try to be more positive .... promise.
abby

@amberpep Abby, You are definitely NOT a whiner, you are simply good at expressing how you are feeling in the moment. The more we can express those feelings the better we can feel. I know from your past posts that you are a strong woman who has faced many difficulties and I know that you will face this one as well. I think going back to your former hair dresser is a great way to make yourself happy. Perhaps the trip to the church will be a good thing as well. I understand that it is quite a distance to drive, but even if you just do it once or twice per month, it will give you an opportunity to meet new people and worship in a way that is familiar to you. You will thrive in time! Take care and best wishes for a better weekend yet to come. Teresa

Thank you so much for your encouraging words Teresa .... I am looking forward to going to my old hairdresser .... she's pricey, but I'll start now to pinch even tighter ...... it's worth it ... not just in the hair do, but emotionally!
abby

@amberpep You are right, Abby. Hair stylists are more than just service workers, they become an important part of our support network! I appreciate my stylist as well. Teresa

Thanks Teresa ..... I loved this stylist when I was in MD. Of course, she's got Md prices, but I'll save up for them. I was never disappointed with the way she did my hair or cut it. I like the gal I'm with now ..... she's certainly been extremely generous as far as prices , but she has her own definite ideas and they don't always agree with what I want. But, you know how it is ..... she's family and I don't like doing this, but since I go up to MD every other Tues. anyhow, I'll just make an appt. with her those afternoons. Maybe I'll feel better if I again like my hair.........typical female, I guess.
abby

Hi I came across your post and I feel your pain. You only have one life and if you feel like you should move back to your condo and be happy then do it. Your grown children have their lives and you need to have yours and living with a narcissist myself I'm taking my life back and his dementia is getting worse. Do not feel like you should feel like you're at the back of the bus or corner of a room. My husband is retired doctor and now everywhere we go do you know who I am, you all are nothing but plebeians and newts. My passion is my animals and I'm very dedicated and in them with zoos now and finally enjoying my life. My only child from a previous marriage passed away four days after her 29th birthday. I raise her two children with my ex and now I'm the proud grandmother of two great-grandchildren. They have their lives and I have mine now. Do not feel guilty at all for wanting to enjoy your own life. Your children will come around. God bless you an email me anytime you need Many prayers,Angel<br>

@amberpep Bravo Abby! Sounds like a great plan. Teresa

@skunklady13 Please accept my condolences on the death of your daughter (you don't mention how long ago that was). How very tragic to lose a child that young. It sounds as if you have created a rewarding life for yourself and for your grandchildren. How wonderful. Enjoy the blessings. Teresa

skunklady .......
I cannot even imagine what it must be like to lose a child ..... to me that would be unbearable. Bless you for walking through this nightmare and coming out strong and able to take care of your grandkids. You are an amazing lady.
As for me, I've always had trouble speaking up for myself ..... as I "joke" (although it's not really), I have my PhD in "Catastrophic Thinking," people will get mad at me, I'll disappoint them, I might not like it as much as I thought, my children will be hurt, they'll feel like they're not important ....... blah, blah, blah. These things haunt me as I don't want to hurt them ..... in my mind and heart that says "bad Mom, bad Mom." I've gone through this with my therapist - I had to before, during, and after my divorce - but somehow when it comes to my kids ..... it's a different ballgame. I should see him this Tuesday (IF we don't get snowed in) and I think we'd better revisit that whole thing. Raised an only child in an alcoholic home, abuse in every form, and then married to a narcissist, "survival" meant keeping my mouth shut and not making waves or making anyone angry or disappointed in me. (I was well trained) Thank you so very much for your encouragement.
abby