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Husband developing memory issues
Hello everyone, I am new to this site as I look for some information, advice, and support with my husband's changing memory issues. I have read many of the posts and appreciate the sharing of stories and the compassionate help provided. This may be quite long, but here goes!
My husband is 76, I am 74. Over the past three to four years, I have noticed his occasional unusual memory lapses, which I had hoped was normal, age related memory loss, though I was concerned. For instance, we have walked our dogs on the same daily route for many years, and several trees were cut down around the corner from us. We love trees and were sorry to see them go. A week later, I commented on how I missed the trees, and he said there had been no trees there. This was a very different kind of forgetfulness in that he simply had no concept of there ever having been trees there before. Life moves on, and occasional things happened, like forgotten conversations. But in recent weeks these incidences have become rapidly more common, almost daily, and my husband gets frustrated and angry with me as I try to figure out what is going on. A few days ago, he told me "Hannah's car is parked outside". I said " who's Hannah?" (we don't know a Hannah). I looked puzzled and after a few back and forth questions and answers, as he got increasingly frustrated with me, I realized he was talking about our neighbor Rachel, who we know well, socialize with, and talk to often during the week. When I asked if he meant Rachel, he looked confused and said, yes, it is Rachel...who's Hannah? Also I'm now regularly seeing forgotten conversations about anything from casual to important, forgotten by the next day.
I was able by chance to talk alone with his PCP, who was subbing for my PCP for a check up I was having. He asked if I wanted to get my husband in for testing, but I'm not sure if we are there yet. For one thing, he denies that has memory issues, and insists that I am wrong. It is also the case that this is not all the time, and he frequently has a better memory than I do. Some days are fine. But I don't forget conversations or the names of people in our close circle, or to get the chickens in at night, which he has done for 30 years.
I am feeling anxious and with a sense of dread as things are quickly changing. I have a lot of lifetime experience with dementia.
My grandma and mother-in-law both developed dementia and both suffered for 15+ years. I was not the primary caregiver but the daughter of one and daughter-in-law of the other, and was a support, shoulder to lean on, and compassionate listener for most of my 20's and 30's, and then my 50's and 60's. My husband was primarily responsible for his mother's care for the last years, although she was not living in our home. Both ladies followed a similar path, becoming verbally abusive and physically aggressive and violent, to the extent of causing injury to family, caregivers, and other residents in memory care. It was indescribably hard. And I know you will know this.
My support is limited, our few remaining friends are older than we are and are having significant health, and beginning memory issues of their own. They need our help. We are emotionally close to our daughter but she is 400 miles away with a new baby, and I know this is not her burden to bear. I know I need to learn to accept what is happening, but the realization is only just hitting me, and based on my past experiences I am feeling stressed and terrified.
So that is my story. Thank you for reading and listening. I so appreciate that you are here.
J.
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Doctor doesn’t think needed. He thinks he is doing pretty well. He isn’t living with him. Thank you.
@dederickve Consider making a plan. Learn the stages of Alzheimer's, write down the deficits at each stage and make a plan concerning how you will manage the problem and how you will cope. Consider seeing a psychologist and scheduling a care giver so you can do something fun for you at least one day a week. Don't become overwhelmed. It's a hard journey but you can do it.
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1 Reaction@maysh47 HI there. what are DHA/EPA supplements - is that the brain health supplements Cerefolin my husband is taking for mCI along with Lequembe infusions.
@dederickve , hmmm…..early stages are when the best benefits can be obtained. What kind of doctor is he?
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1 ReactionThank you for sharing your concerns with this welcoming group. I can't offer advice but I can say that many medical professionals diagnose and then say adios. I stumbled upon MAYO's HABIT program for people (and their caregivers) who have been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. Some participants had recently received a diagnosis of Alzheimers. We had two weeks of training and support groups about the latest medical information and recommendations for healthy living. We left feeling like we were given the tools to make the very best of a bad situation. Needless to say, I was appalled that none of the medical professionals we saw were aware of the HABIT program. It's the one thing that's given us hope that we may be able to slow the progression and enjoy life as much as possible. Good luck to you.
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1 Reaction@maysh47
You mention Lequembe; my husband is on his 5th infusion and I'm trying to see if anyone out there doing the infusions, is experiencing an upset stomach, etc. from it. I notice my husband's eating patterns have changed. and he seems to experience more upset with his stomach. I'm not sure if it's the lequembe or what's going on. I know he has been more tired, and one of the Mayo Connect people told me their neurologist suggested a pepcid a few days before the lequembe. Interested to know what side affects others may be having from actually taking lequembe and where they are in their lequembe cycle.
THanks,
Is there anyone on here that has aphasia or a spouse with aphasia?
I read so many posts about TBI but they all relate to a stroke. My wife had a bad fall in 2019 &, after a two week stay in the hospital, seemed fine & back to normal.
However, sometime in 2022 she began to struggle with getting her words out. She was diagnos d with primary progressive aphasia & MCI.
Is anyone on this site in a similar situation, &, if so, have you found any method that provides any improvement?
Comments welcome.
@dederickve Please know with many of us in the same situation you describe, we just have to go with the flow. What's the alternative. My husband just came off his 5th infusion today, so I'm watching that like a hawk. And trying to get him to eat better because I read that the Mediterranean Diet is helpful for MCI people. Then I watched a video from CareBlazers on MCI people on their computers and the problems with scams. There is so much to think about from bill paying, to driving, to them using the computer and who know what they are pushing. I've had to do a diagram to show my husband how to operate the smart TV, and I'm not that great at it either. I just have to breathe every day and take one day at a time. Yes, you will keep on, because that's what we do when it comes to our loved ones. You are not alone.
@kjc48 Thank you for your caring message. Yes, I know I will carry on, every day as it comes. I just get to feeling sorry for myself, never having imagined this. My parents didn’t live to develop any dementia. So, I am having to learn about it now, and will carry on. Once again, thank you.