1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there's nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It's "We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don't bother me - but we love you!" I'm old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can't ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Lyn | @pearlbaby7 | Sep 4, 2018
In reply to @gingerw "@parus @pearlbaby7 It seems like a "safe" thing to ascribe to the theory that someone has..." + (show)
@gingerw

@parus @pearlbaby7 It seems like a "safe" thing to ascribe to the theory that someone has mental illness, and I find people tossing that phrase around so much. Like you, I believe it is the results of the TV shows that spout psychobabble because some want to hear it, not that they understand it. Does that make sense? I know for a fact that I have experienced deep depression, that I am on the autism spectrum, and that I see/react to the world in different ways than most around me. But it doesn't fit into a neatly defined box. That's okay, neither do I. And I'm ok with that. Like the popular phrase is, "be your most awesome self".

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@parus @gingerw
Having your only child ignore Mother's Day but follow through on Father's Day and then not acknowledge the 3 birthday presents you sent makes you wonder if you were a lousy mother. If I did a good job as a parent wouldn't she want to at least talk to me?
Gingerw, I agree that we can only pursue being our best selves. I think, though, that to see if I'm doing that, I'm going to have to get out among people even when it's hard. I'll have to balance that with also cutting myself some slack in order to take care of me.
So, i guess my next goal is to go to the senior center for the first time and see how it goes. My time frame will be next week. One baby step at a time.

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2 replies
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Sep 4, 2018
In reply to @pearlbaby7 "@parus @gingerw Having your only child ignore Mother's Day but follow through on Father's Day and..." + (show)
@pearlbaby7

@parus @gingerw
Having your only child ignore Mother's Day but follow through on Father's Day and then not acknowledge the 3 birthday presents you sent makes you wonder if you were a lousy mother. If I did a good job as a parent wouldn't she want to at least talk to me?
Gingerw, I agree that we can only pursue being our best selves. I think, though, that to see if I'm doing that, I'm going to have to get out among people even when it's hard. I'll have to balance that with also cutting myself some slack in order to take care of me.
So, i guess my next goal is to go to the senior center for the first time and see how it goes. My time frame will be next week. One baby step at a time.

Jump to this post

@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any children, by choice, but I do have two siblings who do not interact with me, one being my twin brother who turned his back to me over 40 years ago. So, my friends are the family of choice, for me.
Ginger

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2 replies
ainsleigh | @ainsleigh | Sep 4, 2018
In reply to @pearlbaby7 "@parus @gingerw Having your only child ignore Mother's Day but follow through on Father's Day and..." + (show)
@pearlbaby7

@parus @gingerw
Having your only child ignore Mother's Day but follow through on Father's Day and then not acknowledge the 3 birthday presents you sent makes you wonder if you were a lousy mother. If I did a good job as a parent wouldn't she want to at least talk to me?
Gingerw, I agree that we can only pursue being our best selves. I think, though, that to see if I'm doing that, I'm going to have to get out among people even when it's hard. I'll have to balance that with also cutting myself some slack in order to take care of me.
So, i guess my next goal is to go to the senior center for the first time and see how it goes. My time frame will be next week. One baby step at a time.

Jump to this post

Hi Pearlbaby-You have had a lot of pain in your life for sure but Congrats to you for setting the goal to move forward even one baby step at a time ! I think you are awesome!!
Best wishes
Ainsleigh

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Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Oct 4, 2019
In reply to @theotherone "@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at..." + (show)
@theotherone

@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at all. I understand maybe she couldn't leave her alone at home, it's ok, but somehow I couldn't talk about my problems there. She could at least ask, but she acted like there is nothing uncommon.

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Hi, @theotherone - just wanted to check in and see how things are going for you lately?

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Oct 4, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any..." + (show)
@gingerw

@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any children, by choice, but I do have two siblings who do not interact with me, one being my twin brother who turned his back to me over 40 years ago. So, my friends are the family of choice, for me.
Ginger

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@gingerw

It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard to understand why people do as they do.

Jim

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2 replies
Parus | @parus | Oct 4, 2019
In reply to @jimhd "@gingerw It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard..." + (show)
@jimhd

@gingerw

It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard to understand why people do as they do.

Jim

Jump to this post

@jimhd We will never be able to understand why people do what they do to one another. I come here where no one can hurt me.

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1 reply
Parus | @parus | Oct 4, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any..." + (show)
@gingerw

@pearlbaby7 We cannot pick our families, nor their interaction with us. I do not have any children, by choice, but I do have two siblings who do not interact with me, one being my twin brother who turned his back to me over 40 years ago. So, my friends are the family of choice, for me.
Ginger

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@gingerw My sisters have disowned me. My whole family did. I must be one bad-ass person. If I had done all I was accused of I would be in prison. This likely would have pleased them. Especially the mother.

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Oct 5, 2019
In reply to @jimhd "@gingerw It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard..." + (show)
@jimhd

@gingerw

It has to have caused some deep emotional scars. And from your twin! It's hard to understand why people do as they do.

Jim

Jump to this post

@jimhd It has been a stepping stone, not millstone. My choice on how to deal with it.
Ginger

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Oct 5, 2019
In reply to @parus "@jimhd We will never be able to understand why people do what they do to one..." + (show)
@parus

@jimhd We will never be able to understand why people do what they do to one another. I come here where no one can hurt me.

Jump to this post

@parus

I agree with you that each of us needs a safe haven.

Jim

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Parus | @parus | Oct 7, 2019

To all of us dealing with estrangement and all of the family issues-we are doing the best we can. I struggle with depression daily but still shove the past aside and endeavor to love those around me. Whether they love me in return is their choice. The hardest thing for me is setting boundaries then getting hurt again and become angry again for allowing the same damn thing happen again. I continually remind myself I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I lie to myself too. Emotions are always a challenge. There are days I cannot face the challenge and they are totally disgusting. I do know I have ceased groveling and apologizing so much. I cannot possibly have the control others try to place upon me-likewise I ought not to allow them to have control over me and how I see myself. And I am confusing myself at this point and getting dizzy. We are who/what we are. I am me and this is best I can be.

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