Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Well, I’m back again. Today has been an extremely bad day. I decided to buy new bedroom furniture. I took my husband with me to the store. He chatted with everybody seemed OK when I showed him what I was buying. Today they are picking up the old furniture so I was emptying it and moving it. All of a sudden, he said I like the furniture we have I’m not sure why you are changing it. I explained to him, but he doesn’t remember. I have three friends I talk to at least once a week and my sister in England, he then said he doesn’t have any friends. I talk on the phone, but he doesn’t have anyone only me. In the past, that’s all we ever needed as we do not have any children and my family was in the UK. He doesn’t understand why I need to talk to other people, but he is 86 and I am 77 and quite honestly if something happens to him I will need someone. I can’t just cut my friends off and then say after If he goes before me here I am can you be my friend again although I am sure they would understand.
I canceled his appointment with the neurologist because we have never really addresssed the issue. I know he knows he’s forgetful and he can’t do what he used to, but I felt we didn’t need to go to a Dr who was going to drill it into him that he had a problem. He also fractured his back in three places so that has been a difficult recovery and we just found out a few months ago that his PSA count was up and his cancer returned so now he is on ADT, which will keep the cancer at bay. I haven’t told him he has cancer again. This will be the fourth time. I don’t see any point in worrying him when we go to get the shots. I just tell him that they are to keep his PSA low. My stress level is off the roof. I’m waiting to get my blood work back. I love this man so much It breaks my heart.

This is my first time posting. Thank you all for your generous insights. Perhaps you can help me with this. My 75 year old husband of 55 years has been diagnosed MCI about a year ago. He has 9 heart stents and had a TAVR heart valve (cow) 2 years ago. Just been diagnosed with blood inflection, possibly around the heart. I took him to bunches of drs before I could get correct diagnosis. Then he had a 4 day stay in the hospital. He's home now and I have to administer his antibiotic for 4 weeks at home via push. Then two more weeks of oral antibiotic. He is disoriented, seems worse after I give him him the meds in the morning and if he has not had a lot of sleep. He fixated on the idea that there is another person with my name which, of course, there is not. I probably shouldn't correct him each time but I do as it kind of hurts.
Sometimes he talks about me as the other person. Sometimes forgets I am his wife, that we live in this house for 27 years etc. etc.etc. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this fixation would be greatly appreciated.

@reddesert Actually the only thing I would suggest is that you cannot reason with someone that is no longer remembering conversations, comments and things you have discussed with them. Sometimes they forget everything. Go with the moment. My spouse blames me for everything. I just helped him to get cleaned after trying to get for 3 days. I said to him you need to raise your arms so I can clean you. He said I was ordering him and yelling. We have a 12 ft. ceiling in our shower. Everything echoes. He has the sharpest nails. He scratches himself all the time. He is on asprin so I have his bed covered and the couch in our den. That ceiling is 12 ft. Same scenerio. We have 8ft. and 10 ft. ceilings in the rest of the house. Noise bounces off easily. He drives me nuts with the conversation that he is going to get someone in to give him a shower. No, we cannot afford it and is not necessary. I tried reasoning again. I was screamed at again. Believe me when I say that I just remove myself from him so I will not say something that I am feeling. He tells me how to cook, wash windows , make a bed..you name it. I love him but...this gets to be a bit much. We are human and we will get so frustrated. Love and prayers your way. Caregiver opinion. Doing this for many yrs.

@reddesert Actually the only thing I would suggest is that you cannot reason with someone that is no longer remembering conversations, comments and things you have discussed with them. Sometimes they forget everything. Go with the moment. My spouse blames me for everything. I just helped him to get cleaned after trying to get for 3 days. I said to him you need to raise your arms so I can clean you. He said I was ordering him and yelling. We have a 12 ft. ceiling in our shower. Everything echoes. He has the sharpest nails. He scratches himself all the time. He is on asprin so I have his bed covered and the couch in our den. That ceiling is 12 ft. Same scenerio. We have 8ft. and 10 ft. ceilings in the rest of the house. Noise bounces off easily. He drives me nuts with the conversation that he is going to get someone in to give him a shower. No, we cannot afford it and is not necessary. I tried reasoning again. I was screamed at again. Believe me when I say that I just remove myself from him so I will not say something that I am feeling. He tells me how to cook, wash windows , make a bed..you name it. I love him but...this gets to be a bit much. We are human and we will get so frustrated. Love and prayers your way. Caregiver opinion. Doing this for many yrs.

@sillyblone
I remember someone (I think on this forum) that said we are like elevators. We have a max load and when it’s overloaded, it doesn’t work or fails.
I wouldn’t put any of us in a category of “fail” but I know I do not always respond in the most empathetic way even though I know his brain is just broken and he doesn’t mean to be difficult. But, at the end of the day, I’m not at my best . It is what it is, fortunately it doesn’t happen often.

I agree so much with what everyone says.
But second day of chaos, I try so hard to do everything everyone says and most of the time I do? I guess getting the new furniture triggered him in some way but I need something nice in my life other than the day to day chores. I just don’t want to exist which I feel I am doing.
Now he keeps saying I am sorry for whatever I did and I love you. I know that with tears in my eyes. The new furniture will be here tomorrow and maybe we can find some peace again in his routine? Thanks everyone

@jeanadair123
I have given myself permission to buy whatever I have been wanting and can afford. To me it is a reward for what I am dealing with day to day and validation that my wants and needs are just as important as his. Your husband may react again when the furniture arrives as it is a change in his environment. I wouldn't apologize just tell him how much you like it and that it makes you happy to have it. My husband did not do well with change even before he had dementia. So I just tell him what he needs to know when he needs to know it. I only want to have to deal once with a negative reaction. Works for me.

@ocdogmom Thanks so much for your response,it was greatly appreciated. I get negative thoughts from my sister who because she can’t buy what she wants feels I get a little extravagant with our money. But the last thing I want is to leave it all to someone else when I can enjoy it. 😍