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Is there any hope for me?
I am a 61 year old man in relatively good health. Eight months ago I had double pneumonia and was in ICU for around three weeks, including ten days on a ventilator. While on the ventilator I had all of the nightmares and hallucinations that people report. There were several different scenarios playing out in my mind while I was on the ventilator and all of them were terrifying. It was extremely traumatic at the time. However this did not follow me home. I did not have any nightmares or anything else. I was happy to be home. After that I never gave my traumatic experience any more thought. Why would I? It was over. I was no longer in the hospital, I knew those nightmares were not real, I was glad to be home. I had been in ICU for weeks before, after a motorcycle accident in 2015, and I had no issues after I was released.
So why, eight months later, am I suddenly consumed by anxiety to the point o
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So why, eight months later, am I suddenly consumed by anxiety to the point of being pretty much non-functional? I also slowly acquired an eating disorder. I went four days without eating last week. I really feel like I will never recover. I am starting to wish they didn't save my life, that it would have been better if I never walked out of that hospital.
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1 ReactionI read your question and first of all I want to say I am sorry you are experiencing these problems. For what it's worth, take some time and do some research on PICS - Post Intensive Care Syndrome. My husband was in ICU for 2 months after a surgery mishap. I was given information from the Mayo Rochester ICU staff on PICS. For some people, PICS can be dehabiliting while others have no problems at all from an ICU stay. I believe that 2 years after his surgery he still has lingering sypmtoms. Wishing you the best and know I'm sending prayers your way.
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2 ReactionsI had bacterial meningitis of my brain may 2014. I too was intubated. My heart stopped so I was coded. You could have ptsd now. I had a lot of trauma recovery therapy. I would suggest therapy and trying to educate yourself on the effects of trauma on the brain and nervous system. The fight flight fear fawn response. Triggers that would be pertinent to you. Yes you can get better. I did. You have had a life changing event.
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1 Reaction@roodillon, Yes! There is hope for you.
Welcome. It is good that you have joined Connect because I can see that you have already been offered support and encouragement from other Connect members who are sharing their own experiences.
Although my experience is different from yours, I spent a couple weeks in ICU before my liver/kidney transplant in 2009 and I remember experiencing strong emotional reaction to not knowing what had occured during my critically ill times when I was mostly asleep.
Here is an article that I would like to share. I like it because it provides some steps that one can take to lessen the impact of the negative emotional effects of critical illness. I hope that you will find some of the tips to be helpful to you.
-Breaking it Down: Post Intensive Care Syndrome and Recovery - Emotions
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/pics/newsfeed-post/breaking-it-down-post-intensive-care-syndrome-and-recovery-emotions/
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@roodillon, Have you discussed your anxiety and its effect on you with your health care provider or
mental health practitioner?
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2 Reactions@roodillon
Hi. I realize this is an older post, but I hope that you're still reading replies. I just joined the group today and read your story. First, I want to say that I am glad you made it out of the ICU and for the most part, recovered. Please, don't believe you would have been better off not making it home! I, too, was in ICU and on a ventilator for 8 days due to pneumonia in February 2026. I also had very real and sometimes scary dreams/nightmares while on the ventilator. When I woke up, I was pretty confused and not sure which way was up. I was looking for my dog, who visited me in my dream once, and basically pushed me away so I wouldn't follow him to "play". He's been passed on for a year now so I'm guessing had he let me "follow" him, wouldn't be here. (Thank you Oso, I owe you my life, again ❤️)When I woke up asking for him, the nurses all understood what had happened, however, I did not. That's a story time for another post. As for coming home, unlike you, I was not ok, mentally. I was afraid to sleep, afraid to be awake, afraid to be alone, afraid to go anywhere. I was afraid to die and afraid to live. It was horrible, the anxiety I experienced. I still, months later, go through bouts of anxiety where I just feel totally hopeless. But it does get better and it does slowly ease up. I don't believe that there is a certain time limit that we can begin to go through these emotions. I think that sometimes, like with me, they are instant and with you, more time delayed. I understand that it must be very disheartening to think that you're doing fine and all of a sudden these symptoms hit you. I'm sorry you are going through that. I wish I had the answer for you of how to best manage your symptoms, but I'm afraid I don't. Aside from just talking to people here who may understand, or your doctor, maybe a therapist. But just know that we're here for you. If you ever need a listening ear, I'm always available. I just wanted you to know that and let you know I'm rooting for you!
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4 Reactions@antonimarie, it helps to hear that it can get better with time (maybe not a specific timeline) and talking about the ICU experience. Did you have family members who helped to fill in the blanks for you?