Sinking ship

@kartwk
I am sorry for all you are enduring. Although my dad is not nearly as difficult, I can relate to some of your situation. Sometimes it’s the “little” things. Since I was very young, mouth noises would set my teeth on edge. Fingernails on a chalkboard? No problem. Someone throwing up? I’m fine. But smacking, etc mouth noises? Yikes! Now, dad doesn’t do it none stop—don’t know how you remain sane. But he, too, has sinus issues and the mouth and nasal noises are frequent—especially when trapped in the car at close quarters together. Sometimes I just have to giggle to myself—“God, what am I suppose to learn from this? Patience I suppose?!?” Stretching……ever stretching…..And except here, where can you talk about such a petty thing without people hard core judging? But try it being your daily reality for years upon years upon years….hoping I will become desensitized eventually! Blessings to you for a refreshing easy day!

The Christmas season is coming up. I am considering finding him a position in "A Christmas Carol" as Jacob Marley, Scrooge's deceased partner. The one that visits him with the groaning, moaning and rattling chains. H would be perfect, all I have to do is get the chains for him to rattle.

Just kidding. That is the thought that sometimes runs through my mind as I deal with the incessant moaning and groaning, etc. and it makes me chuckle, which I need.

I want to add here that the only relative around us is his daughter. She wanted us to move here so she could "help us out in our old age". She lives 5 miles away and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. The only time she showed up in a timely manner was about a year ago when H had a heart attack scare and they kept him in hospital for a few days. She showed up, when I wasn't there, with a WILL for him to sign so that he could sign everything over to her and she would take care of him. She was going to have two of the nurses witness it!

That felt good to spill the full truth. Usually when I talk about that I say that she was talking to him about his will because I didn't want to say and face just what she was up to. So since she didn't get what she wants she have little, if anything to do with H or me, and that includes Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. She didn't even bother to call or send a card to him for Fathers Day.

My Doctor is aware of her behavior and has told me that if she starts up on him and me again about the will or giving her things, etc. to let him know immediately. I told him about it last August.

I know what you are going through. I got so tired of him asking me every hour, “what’s for dinner”, I got a recorder
where I record each day what is for dinner. If he asks me I just say hit the button. That has been a huge success for me. I feel like I’m his cook all the time. He used to love to cook,,,not any more. I lose my patience after I have repeated an answer to a question five or more times and then I feel quilty. He never throws it in the trash. I don’t know how you can deal with that. I know I would lose it. He has been getting Leqembi treatments since January of 2025. I feel very very alone.

It’s exhausting and tiring. I am with you all the way. My husband has MCI I believe could be dementia he had never been diagnosed. He realizes that he can’t remember everything but we have never discussed it.
We plod along and try and deal with day to day life. Nothing is in the same place anymore and it exhausts me looking, I cannot put anything down for a minute the other day I had something to mail and put it on the cabinet when I came in he had opened it. It seems trivial, but when you add it to everything else it isn’t? I am beginning to forget who I am, and the things he remembers that are not right that I am doubting whether he is right or I am? I try not to disagree at all because there is no point it just makes him angry. And on top of it he was just diagnosed with recurrent prostrate cancer third time, plus he had lung cancer in the past. I haven’t told him since he is getting shots I just say it’s a preventive shot that you get when you get older, he never said what for? And I don’t see any point in telling him. The shots have made him have hallucinations not bad but very strange when he wakes up looking for what he was dreaming about but doesn’t know. Can I survive this of course I can I love this man who gave me everything and to this day tells me he loves me everyday. Now I want to cry. Just try and get away for a while if you can. 😍

I'm so sorry you are going through all this with your husband who is so ill. That's sad. I know it must be hard trying to cope with his unusual behavior. It is nice to hear that you love him and he still tells you everyday that he loves you. Your husband is probably frightened and realizes; even though sometimes it may not seem like it, that something is terribly wrong with him. My husband had lung cancer and died last July. The last few weeks of his life he was taking Prednisone and the side effects caused him to act oddly at times; frightened that I'd not return if I just went to the bathroom, waving his arms around for no reason etc. But we both loved one another and told each other that daily like you and your husband do. Hold onto that because there may be a time when you won't hear it again if your husband goes to Heaven before you. I know I miss hearing my husband saying I love you even when he wasn't quite right.

Prayer helps immensely. It did for me and still does. God is there for us. We can get through these times with God's help. I'll say a prayer for you and your husband.
I wish you both the best.
PML

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear about your husband it must be really hard to be alone after being with someone for so long. I do not look forward to the day when I wake up to find I am all alone but try not to live in the future but appreciate every second in the present. We have been married 45 years I always felt I was incredibly lucky to have had such a perfect life which I realize not everyone gets. A couple of days ago he fell off a ladder in the garage I was in the house so I heard him. Pretty bruised but he got up okay with a little help. He also had 2 fractured vertebrae and we just found out he has a new one. He is amazing though, he never complains and in 45 years has never once said anything bad about my cooking, which believe me not every meal is a winner. 😁
Thanks again.