How fast does this progress??

Posted by LinaXYL @linaxyl, Aug 9 10:42am

Husband has alcohol based dementia. Not sure if he's continuing to drink behind my back, but if he is it's not the falling down passing out binge drinking that caused the damage. But suddenly he's not only forgetting the past, but things I told him hours ago. I had a fall a few weeks ago and told him about it. We discussed it - how I fell, what I hurt, do I want to go to the hospital, etc. Then he went to bed to nap. In a couple hours I decided to go to the ER because I had hit my head very hard and I was really in pain. I didn't wake him because he would just sit there being rude to nurses and generally make the experience worse than it would already be. After I'd been there a few hours he sent me a panicked text - Where are you? I said at the hospital getting the damage from my fall checked out. He said - Fall? What fall? Are you OK? It's happened several times since then. I know sometimes we don't listen well, but this was not that. We discussed it. This seems to be a big change to me.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

On Friday my husband had a bad fall and is in the hospital, waiting for a pacemaker to be installed tomorrow. His dementia has gotten much worse, very suddenly. This is terrifying and unexpected. I'm too tired to say anything more.

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Profile picture for katrina123 @katrina123

I understand how you feel. Every time my husband gets a text or any news on his phone he hands his phone to me to show him how to open it. Then he asks me to respond to the text for him. I do feel bad for him because I know it upsets him to not understand how to do things.

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My husband does the same thing. He always hands me his phone to see if there are any messages. I’m the one that replies or deletes them, he hasn’t opened up this laptop in weeks and probably won’t. Any electronic device is a mystery to him. Used to get so frustrated/angry and then suggested that I sabotage the remotes to make him appear stupid! Go figure. He finally accepted that he has a memory issue and has calmed down.

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I can't tell you how much it helped Karen. For her, it actually carries into other parts of our lives. She's happier, like all hope is NOT lost. Also, she says she knows I believe in her. Thanks for your note!

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Profile picture for celia16 @celia16

@trishaanderson, it’s pretty rough. Honestly…..I haven’t processed it yet. I keep feeling like he’s still around. So surreal. I’ve gone to the grave everyday since the funeral, yet it doesn’t seem real. Idk. I’m considering contacting my therapist for some new sessions.

My mom is really suffering. She cries a lot and isn’t well physically. Recent heart monitor shows issues. So, following up with that.

But, overall as a family (kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, etc,) we are ok. Thanks for asking. Losing a parent is not like I ever expected, no matter the age.

Dementia can progress slowly and then rapid decline. My dad was gone so quickly once he couldn’t walk and lost appetite.

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Please contact your therapist. Processing is different for everyone, and you need to feel free to express yourself. Not only about Dad, but what the future holds with Mom. We are here for you, but sometimes a few conversations with a trained professional are helpful.

Hugs! My Dad has been gone for 26 years, and I still chat with him sometimes.

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Profile picture for Sue, Volunteer Mentor @sueinmn

Please contact your therapist. Processing is different for everyone, and you need to feel free to express yourself. Not only about Dad, but what the future holds with Mom. We are here for you, but sometimes a few conversations with a trained professional are helpful.

Hugs! My Dad has been gone for 26 years, and I still chat with him sometimes.

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@sueinmn , I will reach out to my former therapist He’s no longer in my insurance network but I may just pay out of pocket. I can’t imagine starting with someone new just now.

Thanks for your words of encouragement about your dad.

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My wife was diagnosed about 12 months ago and has been steadily getting worse. She forgets things I told her a few minutes before hand. She also asks me the same question several times and forgets which month or day it is. She also puts things away where they should not be. She consistently refuses to accept that there anything wrong with her and so,I cannot obtain any assistance from local groups until she does.

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Profile picture for pamela78 @pamela78

On Friday my husband had a bad fall and is in the hospital, waiting for a pacemaker to be installed tomorrow. His dementia has gotten much worse, very suddenly. This is terrifying and unexpected. I'm too tired to say anything more.

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Let us know how you both are doing, once you can write more…sending prayers.

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Profile picture for celia16 @celia16

@trishaanderson, it’s pretty rough. Honestly…..I haven’t processed it yet. I keep feeling like he’s still around. So surreal. I’ve gone to the grave everyday since the funeral, yet it doesn’t seem real. Idk. I’m considering contacting my therapist for some new sessions.

My mom is really suffering. She cries a lot and isn’t well physically. Recent heart monitor shows issues. So, following up with that.

But, overall as a family (kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, etc,) we are ok. Thanks for asking. Losing a parent is not like I ever expected, no matter the age.

Dementia can progress slowly and then rapid decline. My dad was gone so quickly once he couldn’t walk and lost appetite.

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Celia,
I'm so sorry for the loss you and your poor mom are going through.
I lost both my parents to strokes 5 years apart and never really got the chance to deal with my grief. Having to handle and be responsible for everything after their deaths. I was also dealing with my husband's Alzheimer's. He was not very cooperative or nice during that time when he was not the center of my world.
You are wise to contact your therapist for help.
Warmly, Trish

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Profile picture for trishaanderson @trishaanderson

Celia,
I'm so sorry for the loss you and your poor mom are going through.
I lost both my parents to strokes 5 years apart and never really got the chance to deal with my grief. Having to handle and be responsible for everything after their deaths. I was also dealing with my husband's Alzheimer's. He was not very cooperative or nice during that time when he was not the center of my world.
You are wise to contact your therapist for help.
Warmly, Trish

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@trishaanderson , my goodness….that’s a lot to handle. I’m not sure how you do that. Bless you.

I hope my mom can pick up and continue forward with better health, but I just don’t see it happening. After a 66 year marriage…..I fear she’s resigned herself.

I’m touring an AL this week. I won’t be able to provide her around the clock care once wheelchair bound and she’s headed that way.

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Profile picture for jimandkaren @jimandkaren

I do a lot of different things with Karen so she doesn't feel completely helpless/worthless, which she's not, but can feel that way. I write the text and send it to her, and she can forward it to someone she wants to text. I have her press 1 or 2 on the confirm/deny text. I have her respond to "love" texts with emojis. I send her here at home. She can write slowly, a little, so I tell her to write her text, and we can take a picture of what she wrote on paper and send it. Etc. Etc. Little things are so so big for her sometimes. Anything to feel normal is my goal. She can't drive but dreams she will again someday, so I take her to empty school or industrial parking lots on the weekend and she "practices" her driving skills. Thanks for your note.

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You sound like a really nice person. She is lucky to have you.

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