I am a very sad caregiver who has posted on this site before…

I feel so sorry for you my wife of 56 years got glomus cancerous tumors about 10 years ago. Then she got gastroperesis. She's had diabetes for years and was diagnosed with parkins about 6 mos ago. Her teeth went bad from all the meds having replaced. Cataracts just removed in her eyes . We camped for 40 years and now we only leave the house for operations or doctor apps I guess I have a pre8good idea of what you are going through. Your situat6is definitely harder . I will pray for you. We just have to play the cards God has dealt us
Take care . Tom

@georgescraftjr
Thank you for your wonderful response! You put into eloquent words what my journey in caregiving for my father has become! Such good points:
Sadness, bitterness, etc are strength stealers; when it’s hard to serve the care recipient, think of it as serving Christ; unless you live this you aren’t going to get it, so don’t try to explain/vent to others; and my favorite (gave me such a chuckle) “When things get difficult, think of the person you for whom you are providing care as Christ in disguise--even if he/she is acting like an ungrateful a--hole.”. I feel less isolated and alone in this having read all you had to say, and more connected as these are points I have been trying to live and/or have realized too.

Lately I have been worried because I have been less “sharp” (maybe getting up to give meds at four thirty in the morning has something to do with it, plus constant stress?)—and it was a relief to hear you talk about such things. Also, giving ourselves some space to be human rather than super human!
Thank you for taking the time to write. It has made a difference for me today!

The best one I received when I mentioned how my 80 old hubby just sleeps a lot. I was told maybe he’s bored. I didn’t say anything but it cut deep.

Ahh yes - the thoughtless comments! It really makes me wonder about people. I think there are some of us who would just never say that type of comment-thinking it and saying it are two different things! that is probably why we are caregivers! However, you are very right that it cuts deep. I am sorry for the hurtful comment toward you in your situation. I wish you and your husband positive vibes🌺

Yes there are all types of people out there but you have to think where is it coming from they are not walking in my shoes. Not until you go through it do you realize what is happening. I know I also have made some stupid comments

🫩good grief! Better folks just nod their head than say empty words.
I wish for you a day full of self love and self grace. You are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances.
Hugs

From a tired caregiver to a sad one:

I reread your post because my heart goes out to you. You are probably young and have your entire life ahead of you. Whereas I am 76, I have survived longer than expected due to my own life-shortening issues; I have raised children; lived long enough to have eight grandchildren (and another on the way); and have had a 42-year career in an area which was one of my passions.

Today, my BP was 153/101 when it was checked at my dentist's office. I was crying when I arrived there, because I had fought earlier with my husband, who refused to go to his dental appointment, which I had scheduled to coincide with mine--and I had been crying when his hospice nurse came to our house prior to the dental appointment. I told her that I was maxed-out because I give my all to George but it is never enough: He is morose and starts every morning by telling me that he wants to die--but as soon as one of his five biological adult children from a previous marriage (who range from age 40-55) call, he is nice to them. (They give nothing but they are everything to him. Even though he is no longer able to electronically give them their monthly allowance--and I have to transfer thousands of dollars to them via Zelle--he keeps asking me all month long whether it is time to "dole out their allowance." What a thankless chore for me! I told me dentist that it would give me greater pleasure to "Zelle" money to her. She was so empathetic when she saw me this morning; whereas when I asked one of George's sons to take him to his doctor's appointments yesterday, his response was that my timing was bad because he had to take his cat to the vet!)

Being a caregiver can be a thankless role, no matter how much we love the one for whom we are caring. Thank God I love George dearly or I would have thrown myself in front a train long ago--like Anna Karenina.

Sorry for any typos and other error in this post, which I am too tired to proofread.

Thanks for all your "likes" and "hugs," which sustain me. Love and inner peace to all of you.

George's Wife

Dear Karen,
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I understand you vey well since I also took care of my elder parents years ago until they departed. I was young at that time but some years ago I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and due to the type of the cancer I had to receive chemo for more than a year; my beloved husband was my caregiver and my support during that time, it wasn’t just the treatment but the several surgeries I had after that. God was our strength and we found joy in the middle of the difficulties. My husband was diagnosed with NASH in 2018; even though he was very active, disciplined and optimist patient that did his best to take of his heath. He was diagnosed in 2024 with HCCA and then … after the ablation we ee t to the Mayo Clinic last year for evaluation. We’re are blessed since he received his liver transplant at the end of April this year. The surgery went well, but the process has been so difficult not just for him who still tries his best to stay active, but for me as caregiver. I have no family here but him and the secondary effects of the anti rejection medicines are awful. From mood changes, tremors, tiredness, high blood pressure and glucose, shortness of breath, insomnia, etc. I feel that sometimes I cannot handle it. Then I find strength in God, in our profound love. My advice: Please do not ask why us, why me ? Take a deep breath and try to share your feelings with others. There is a good future for you both; nurture your faith and soul; you are soldiers and together you will win this battle. Sending you my prayers and hugs ! 😘🙏🏻😇

Dear Karen,

My heart goes out to you and your husband.

Life is a gift and a mystery. For those of you who believe, God runs the show. My younger, son (who is now 40), suffered a stroke when he was 18 and had to undergo brain surgery. The next decade was hell for me; but he lived to get married and have two children--with another on the way. My older son (who is now 46) had colon cancer when he was 34. He was diagnosed on the eve of when he was supposed to be going on a honeymoon with his new wife; and he was given three years to live. After undergoing radical surgery ( including having his rectum removed, numerous rounds of radiation and chemo, the cancer spread to his lungs. We were told that the cancer was inoperable. The doctors nevertheless operated after changing their opinion. Eleven years later, he is still alive and has two daughters.

Sorry for prematurely hitting the "reply" button on my last post I meant to correct it and address to "margui70"--and I meant to add this quote before posting it:

"As you listen to birds calling to one another, hear also My Love-call to you. I speak to you continually: through sights, sounds, thoughts.... When you set out to find Me..., you discover that the world is vibrantly alive with My Presence. You can find Me not only in beauty and birdcalls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief. I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good."

Thank all of you for your posts--and for "weav[ing] [all your personal sorrows] into a pattern for good."

George's Wife