A Little Nervous Posting after my recent experience

Yes. Or a toddler who keeps asking the same question over and over. Not knowing they have a disease is part of the disease, and my husband doesn't believe the doctors. He says they're just talking off the top of their heads. His car died, the perfect moment to put into effect two doctors' advice that he not drive. I want to get a new car that's up-to-date to replace my 21 yr. old car. Hubs wants a new car for himself and doesn't know why he can't have one. I try to explain as kindly as I can, without lying, but he refuses to accept it. I'm at a loss about what to do. I'm working on being compassionate and am lots better than I used to be, when I just got angry and frustrated. Now I just feel depressed and don't know what to do. And I'm here with him all day, everyday, with only brief forays to the grocery store, the hairdresser, or a drink with a friend. I worry that he'll get to the point where I can't handle him anymore. I worry about spending all our money on memory care and ending up with nothing. Yeah, Medicaid lets you keep your house. Wow. What a relief that is (not). Oh, and my first husband was an alcoholic, so I've been down that road too. Peace and patience.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and he insisted on going with me. I had planned to use this as a respite period, shop, grab a burger etc.

It was AWFUL! All he did was publicly belittle me - "no, don't go down that aisle" "You don't need that" "This way, this way", and the infamous "No, no, no, no" all loudly as if he was talking to a child. I was so embarrassed that I cut my shopping short and just left.
When I confronted him he said he didn't do that to me and I was being sensitive (kind of sounds like gaslighting to me). It was me and not him.

I stayed in my office the rest of the day, heck with dealing with whatever is going on with him. I ordered a pizza and didn't even offer him a slice, let him fend for himself.

Is this what I get to look forward to as things progress?

By evening he forgot all about it as nothing had happened.

As things go, he has thus far deluded the doc. when he gave him that simple - three words, and then conducted the physical and then asked him what the three words were. What the heck kind of exam was that!
What he does not see is H trying to walk around looking like he is going to fall any moment, this with a cane, he refuses to use a walker - doesn't need it he says.
The giving things away to people, even strangers and then looking for them and not recalling that he gave it away a few weeks back. I am carefully watching him about this and putting the kabosh to it when I catch it.

We had a shed that was badly damaged when a tornado and winds came through this area earlier this summer. I worked to have it replaced and hired someone to put gutters on it as we get lots of rain, the price was agreed upon in writing. After work done, H goes up to the guy and tells him he did a good job so he is - hold on - going to give him $100.00 more than was agreed!! Fortunately I was there and was able to indicate to the contractor that H had issues, etc. But, what if I wasn't there? The whole small gutter job was only $225 and H is going to give him another $100!!!
When I brought it up to H he got grouchy and said he was only going to give the guy a tip and it was not $100.00. This is the type of stuff I put up with and it scares me.

My problem is proving what he is doing to someone who can get me a diagnosis and help us.
Yes I have pointed out in the past to the doc about his hip, his pinched nerve and his problems, but H denies them. That MAN would suffer to the nth degree in pain so that he doesn't look like he has problems in front of the doc and until we get to the parking lot. I have seen him do it where he is almost in tears pushing himself.

You do have a problem and I'm so sorry. Fortunately, my husband with Alzheimer's is sweet and affectionate, not angry. I don't know what I'd do if he were behaving like your husband. I'd like to hear from others about his to handle a combative spouse in case I even need to face that. I get it about your husband performing well in front of the doctor. My hubs' neurologist (PA) asks him how he's doing and he says, "Fine." She does a lot of talking and everything he says makes sense, or it did the last time we were there. I don't think the medication she has him on is doing any good. His heart medicine is more important as far as I'm concerned. We're fighting a losing battle here. The question is how to manage it. When hubs is angry, do you talk back or what? At the very least, I'd never take him to the grocery store with you again. I've had to take the car keys away and that's not gone down well. Explaining the reasons doesn't seem to register with my husband. I'm beginning to sneak around and fib about where I'm going and I hate that, but I don't know what else to do. I can still leave him home alone. When that changes, I'll really be in a tight spot. He seems happy enough. I'm the one who's in pieces about this, and I have it easier than many others.

My husband is sweet for the most part but he can get very negative and difficult. What I try to remember is that he is aware he has a problem and lately has felt sad, mad and confused about it all. He perceived me as yelling at him when I am trying to help WITH EVERYTHING.
I then say I’m not yelling just trying to help. He says be more kind. This is really hard as after guiding and repeating myself I lose it.
I’m not sure how long I will be able to do this. I do have help 2 days a week and just started him in an adult activity program for those with cognitive impairment. Having a break helps with my stress level but it’s hard.
Eventually he will need memory care. If I were not here, my children would have him in memory care already. I’m hoping to hold off as we are moving in a year to a CCRV and I want him to move into independent living with me at least for a few months. But I sometimes have my doubts and think he may need that care sooner.
I’m exhausted

I have been trying to get my husband's hearing checked for over a year. Finally got him to go. Turns out he doesn't have a hearing issue. My guess is that he just doesn't process what is being said, whether that is me, TV, or others. That was mind-blowing. All this time I thought it could be fixed. Now I am trying to deal with that. He doesn't process but wants me to explain what is being said. There is no explaining. He just can't process. But he just won't let it go. I usually end up exasperated and just leave the room. I don't think that is a good way to deal with it. Any suggestions? Trying to distract or change the subject doesn't seem to work.

Can you video tape him when he is in pain or having trouble walking, talking, etc? Then you can show the doctor what you are seeing.

It is the same with my husband - I was accused of whispering, having to repeat stuff, he would get angry, and I would get frustrated. I explained to him that it was his brain's inability to understand what was being said. He does know he has dementia and will even tell people. Now, if I say something, I get him to look at me, and it has improved. I think he's watching my lips and hearing at the same time helps his brain decipher what is being said. If it were essential, I would send him a message to his tablet (he is on it for hours a day), but because he is legally blind, he has trouble reading. His anti-aggression meds have been increased, which has also helped.

IMO-there's nothing wrong with "lying''. Logical explanations do not work with dementia. Depending on the level of your husband"s dementia-- does he remember what you told him yesterday?--his car might be in the shop, or 'on order',or loaned to a relative, etc even different things at different times. whatever will at least temporarily seem to calm him. He shoul NOT be allowed to drive . this one of the most difficult interventions to do.
BUT for the safety of him & others...