A Little Nervous Posting after my recent experience

Today was just awful, with a capital A. I find myself, here, at the end of the day completely exhausted.

H cancelled his Doc. apt. for yesterday where I was hoping to address things big time and get some help. I can get assistance with things once he has been diagnosed which would be GREAT! Of course this ongoing heat and humidity down here doesn't help the dispositions of either of us.

Things have gotten so bad for him physically, not including the other issue, that he can barely walk. He mini shuffles and grunts, groans and moans at every movement. He refused to have much needed hip surgery 8 years ago, for various reasons, and won't do it now. I am terrified that he is going to fall and break that hip.

Talking to him has become a big challenge. He can hear, we had that checked out. Many times he doesn't have a clue as to what I say, so I repeat and he still looks at me blankly, then I go to very simple terms and he might, though I am not always sure, get it.

I find myself not wanting to even try to talk to him although there are many times, more than not, that he is clear and understands.

He gets obsessed about a certain thing, today it was the temperature outside, and starts checking it all the time. I am not saying every few hours, but sometimes almost every few minutes and moaning about how hot it is. I told him that if stopped checking the outside temp every few minutes he wouldn't know about how hot it was getting, and it wouldn't affect him as much' to which he got defensive.

I don't like feeling the way I do. Yes, I have gotten out of the house but really have no one to help stay with him. As I posted earlier, l had a hair apt. at a shop I have been going to for YEARS about a mile or so away. I let him drive as it was so close and he went right by it. When I told him we passed it he looked at me and said he was taking me to my hair apt. in Columbus, some 30 miles away!!

Feels good to write this as it takes some of the tension out of me before I go do the evening dishes.

Nothing you say here surprises me. These behaviors are the result of disease, not bad intentions or malice. For a very long time, I felt exactly as you do: desperate, exhausted, angry, and helplessly hopeless. Getting a diagnosis is important, especially for your own peace of mind so you know what you're dealing with. There is no cure for Alzheimer's, yet, so the only recourse is managing the symptoms, which means working on yourself. Yes, it's infuriating when your husband doesn't hear you, even when he assures you he does, the way my husband does. It took me two years and a couple of cancelled appointments for me to get him to a hearing specialist. He still doesn't realize he has Alzheimer's, though he can't remember much of anything and can't complete a thought. I'm embarrassed and annoyed by so much of what he does, but it's the disease that's taking him away from me. I'm working on adjusting my own attitude and that's helping. I'm not fighting to get him to behave normally, I'm just letting go of trying to get him to do much of anything. I try to use positive reinforcement rather than shouts, though because of the hearing I find myself yelling more than I'd like to. When I have days like yours, I go to my best friend, who's been through something similar with her late husband, and pour it all out. This isn't easy and it isn't going to get easier. You know that a toddler having a meltdown will grow up and stop throwing his toys around, but with a dementia sufferer you know it's only going to get worse. It's very hard, but I want to make sure that I do the best I can. I don't want to live with regrets if and when this does come to an end. Peace and patience.

It is not his hearing, we have already had that checked out. He would use that as an excuse, but the hearing specialist says he hears just fine.

My experience with my husband is that he hears sounds just fine, even things I don't hear. I did some research on this, and because of his dementia, his brain is not deciphering what is being said. It appears that he is hard of hearing when he isn't. he just does not understand what is being said, so I repeat what I am trying to convey in simple terms. If it is essential, the TV goes off, and I insist he put his tablet down. He thinks he can multitask - yet you can remark about something on TV and he does not know what you are talking about, ask him a question about what he is watching on his tablet and he cannot tell you -

Today was just awful, with a capital A. I find myself, here, at the end of the day completely exhausted.

H cancelled his Doc. apt. for yesterday where I was hoping to address things big time and get some help. I can get assistance with things once he has been diagnosed which would be GREAT! Of course this ongoing heat and humidity down here doesn't help the dispositions of either of us.

Things have gotten so bad for him physically, not including the other issue, that he can barely walk. He mini shuffles and grunts, groans and moans at every movement. He refused to have much needed hip surgery 8 years ago, for various reasons, and won't do it now. I am terrified that he is going to fall and break that hip.

Talking to him has become a big challenge. He can hear, we had that checked out. Many times he doesn't have a clue as to what I say, so I repeat and he still looks at me blankly, then I go to very simple terms and he might, though I am not always sure, get it.

I find myself not wanting to even try to talk to him although there are many times, more than not, that he is clear and understands.

He gets obsessed about a certain thing, today it was the temperature outside, and starts checking it all the time. I am not saying every few hours, but sometimes almost every few minutes and moaning about how hot it is. I told him that if stopped checking the outside temp every few minutes he wouldn't know about how hot it was getting, and it wouldn't affect him as much' to which he got defensive.

I don't like feeling the way I do. Yes, I have gotten out of the house but really have no one to help stay with him. As I posted earlier, l had a hair apt. at a shop I have been going to for YEARS about a mile or so away. I let him drive as it was so close and he went right by it. When I told him we passed it he looked at me and said he was taking me to my hair apt. in Columbus, some 30 miles away!!

Feels good to write this as it takes some of the tension out of me before I go do the evening dishes.

Nothing you say here surprises me. These behaviors are the result of disease, not bad intentions or malice. For a very long time, I felt exactly as you do: desperate, exhausted, angry, and helplessly hopeless. Getting a diagnosis is important, especially for your own peace of mind so you know what you're dealing with. There is no cure for Alzheimer's, yet, so the only recourse is managing the symptoms, which means working on yourself. Yes, it's infuriating when your husband doesn't hear you, even when he assures you he does, the way my husband does. It took me two years and a couple of cancelled appointments for me to get him to a hearing specialist. He still doesn't realize he has Alzheimer's, though he can't remember much of anything and can't complete a thought. I'm embarrassed and annoyed by so much of what he does, but it's the disease that's taking him away from me. I'm working on adjusting my own attitude and that's helping. I'm not fighting to get him to behave normally, I'm just letting go of trying to get him to do much of anything. I try to use positive reinforcement rather than shouts, though because of the hearing I find myself yelling more than I'd like to. When I have days like yours, I go to my best friend, who's been through something similar with her late husband, and pour it all out. This isn't easy and it isn't going to get easier. You know that a toddler having a meltdown will grow up and stop throwing his toys around, but with a dementia sufferer you know it's only going to get worse. It's very hard, but I want to make sure that I do the best I can. I don't want to live with regrets if and when this does come to an end. Peace and patience.