Post-Intensive Care Syndrome (PICS) - Let's talk

@mjkrr2, I'm so glad that you've been referred to a psychiatrist who specializes in ICU patients. I don't think there are many around. I'd be very interested to hear how things improve for you.

Good Morning-
My name is Jon . I am a Covid Survivor. I went in the hospital on March 27th and was on a vent for 2 weeks in an induced coma. I was in ICU for another few days after then in a step down room. I was released on April 19th. I realized I experienced very vivid and lasting experiences while in the coma that I can't seem to stop thinking about. Anyone else experience this?

@jheitmann - Hi Jon, Welcome to Connect. Your experience and your survival are something that I have not experienced. And I am happy that you have come to Connect to talk about your coma and ICU experience.

I was not in a coma during my ICU experience with liver failure and kidney failure, but I experienced lapses in time where I was not sure what was happening around me and to me. It caused me much concern and was troubling to me for period, and that went away over time as my family was able to fill in the details for me. However, I don't think this is what you are experiencing. I am going to invite some members who have also shared their nightmare/memory experiences after their ICU and coma experiences. Jon, When did you begin to experience these? Are they night time, or anytime?
@howemb, @psd0972, @mjkrr2 - I invite you to share your experiences. How might you lend support to @jheitmann

Jon, Are you experiencing any other post COVID-19 symptoms? Here is a discussion that I want to share and I invite you to post your question in this discussion where other COVID-19 survivors will see it. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/covid-symptoms-lasting-30-days-plus/

Thank you. I experience the flashbacks mostly at night

Hi Jon,
I am glad you survived Covid-19. It scares me because once was enough on a ventilator for me!

I was in a coma for a shorter time than you—only about five days, but I was in ICU and a step down unit for about three weeks. Most of that time I was having severe delusions and nightmares. As I came around I had lucid moments that were mixed in with the delusional moments. I have asked those that experienced this time with me if what I remember is correct. My time line was not always right, but generally my memory of the experience is correct.

You are not crazy! That is what I thought at first, and what some doctors thought.

Two and half years later my memories of the nightmares and delusions are still very vivid. I, too, find that they creep up at night when I can’t sleep, when I am in the car by myself for long periods of time, and when I read about covid-19 patients on ventilators.

I was so thankful to be out of the hospital when I first got home that I scarcely thought about what happened while I was hospitalized. I just wanted to get well and regain strength. Later, when I had recovered, the memories came back to me.

Sleeping pills help when I get stuck perseverating on my experience during the night.

Feel free to ask me any questions.

Hope you are recovering well!

Michelle

Michelle-
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It makes me feel so much better that I'm not alone. My hallucinations are so vivid and I dont know what really happened and what I dreamed happened. I drift off at times and the thoughts of my dreams take over at times. It scares me. I'm hoping it subsides. Do you feel talking about your "visions" help? Thanks again.

Jon,

I am assuming you could not have friends or family visit you during your time in the hospital. It has helped me some that I can ask questions of those that were there and they have helped me put some things in perspective. It is nice, for example, to ask my mom about that time because she has helped with the timeline and clarifying what really happened.

It helps some to talk with others that have had this experience, and it help some to confide in my boyfriend when I feel really stressed by some of the memories. Still, this is my strange and scary experience that I will always live with.

Some of the things I remember are sort of funny, some are just odd, and a few are downright awful. Maybe some anti-anxiety medication would help if you mostly have scary memories. I take Ativan when I can’t sleep and it helps with the anxiety. I don’t like to use it often, but some nights reading doesn’t help and it doesn’t do me any good to be up for hours replaying stuff in my mind.

My current doctor and PA are supportive and understanding about that scary time and understand why it has been worse for me lately with all the covid stories stirring my head up.

I don’t think it hurts to try anything that might help you with the “visions”—medication, counseling, yoga, meditation....whatever. For me, unloading some of it on my boyfriend and the medication are what helps right now. At first the most helpful thing was questioning my mom, brother, best friend, and boyfriend about what happened. I needed to sort out what was real and what wasn’t.

Do you have paranoid memories? I think it is pretty universal to think the medical staff is “out to get you”. I also have really strange memories of being convinced that I was dead and stuck in something like purgatory. Later, I was convinced that I was mentally handicapped and would be sent to some group home. They always left the TV on and I could not determine what was really on TV and what my brain was creating. I don’t think TV was good for me during that time.

Michelle

It's so funny you mention TV. My memories are aweful. I woke up from the coma thinking I killed a 13 year old girl in a drunk driving accident. My dreams are me being in this jail where they wanted to kill me. In my mind there was this guy talking to me through the TV. He was on Chopped and Guys Grocery Games. Lol. I know it sound crazy but he belittled me and at the same time I feel like he pushed me to survive. I saw 3 people whom I was close with who had died previously. 2 tragically. All 3 had the same message for me. "You need to go back to see your girls" I have a wife and 2 daughters. What is crazy is it is all so clear and I remember everything. I have various memories that I dont know if they really happened or were hallucinations. I was not allowed to have any visitors. I would love to talk to some of the nurses just to ask them things. I am a strong person and consider myself a tough person but these visions scare me.

This is fascinating. Thanks for sharing some of your “dreams”.

I, too, had a weird dream involving a TV show. I was on Myth Busters and had to experiment with the traps James Bond set up in his former home in the movie Skyfall. Really??? Where did my brain come up with this stuff!

I don’t have children, but I have two black labradors. I had a dream that the older one was barking at me and telling me to come back to her because we had things to do. I honestly think she helped save my life.

I wonder if these sort of dreams or hallucinations are very common???

It would be really nice if you could talk to some of the nurses that cared for you.

Michelle

Thank you so much for sharing and talking to me. It helps. I do have some dreams that this is not real and I'm still in a coma. It scares the crap out of me. In my "coma dream" I lost my family. I was in a jail and they were so upset with me and angry. When I was taken off the vent (reality) I was so happy to have them back. So now my current dreams screw with me and try to take them away. Other than this, I'm a very normal person. Lol. Anyway, thanks again. It's good to know I'm not alone. I'm here to listen to you as well. So if you have any questions dont be affraid to ask.