@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
Emotional safety is so important for all of us I believe. Without feeling safe I hold back and don't share myself fully. I wait until I know the others I am with better. My mentor taught me to use the "inch worm" rule, which was, give an inch of vulnerability and if the other per person gives an inch of vulnerability, it is safe to give another inch, and so on. That way I don't lay myself out there to have my heart trampled on. That way, I know it is safe to share and be fully who I am. This has worked in my life, and the more I have made this part of my repertoire of behavior, the safer I feel. I now am able to be myself in nearly all situations. Before learning this, I was unable to even be myself with my (now) exhusband.
@gailb I like your "inch worm" rule - what a great "safety behavior"! Implementing safe behaviors and finding safe places is sooo important. Can anyone else contribute to our conversation about finding safety? @jimhd@johnhans@lesbatts@georgette12@rspaulling@ihatediabetes
@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
I think my safe place is in the woods surrounded by trees and maybe a brook running through. I sit by the brook and just listen. The psychologist I see said that running water and rhythmic sounds are associated with inner healing. I think it's true. I can spend a lot of time out there just listening. I also take photos and load them on Facebook. So people get to see which parks I'm visiting. I'm actually becoming somewhat an authority on local hiking. I think it's also a hobby and exercise. There are many studies on the mental health benefits of hiking. Humans do tend to relax when in nature. The endocrinologist said in my notes that I should continue with exercise program in form of hiking for diabetes and mental stability. So I'm doctor approved.
@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
I really love your reply. My most grounding and calming experiences are when I connect with nature. My husband and I take our 5th wheel and go camping as often as we can. I always coback refreshed, grounded, and knowing what my real priorities are.
Georgett12, I am so relieved to hear that you are still with us! It sounds as if you have had an extremely traumatic situation to deal with. I don't know what I would do in the same situation. My thoughts are with you and I am sending white light to surround you and protect you as you heal. Please let Thersa, the moderator of this site, know how to contact you. I'm glad you reached out this time because a couple of us, including myself, picked up that you were struggling. I was afraid you had taken too much Valium! It was frustrating not knowing how to get in touch with you or someone in your family. Im happy that you are better than the other day. Gail B.
Thank you so much Colleen. I have already checked out the information that is posted, and I will check out your blog as well. This is something I may want to do. Gail B.
@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
Yes it's wonderful. I got some snowshoes and poles so I could keep going out in the snow. Now I get on snowshoes trails and they cut right through the trees. The leaves have dropped so you can see really well. There are deer tracks out there. I have learned to layer my clothes and I carry a light backpack. Maybe since you have 5th wheel you can volunteer as a camp host during spring through fall. They are recruiting camp hosts for Minnesota state parks. It's free camping but you have to help out and keep watch on things. It seems like nice way to camp for free and help people.
Jjwest, my apologies, i didn't notice that you already said you have peripheral neuropathy in your post. I reread it this morning and said to myself, "Duh." I hope you find some relief. I know my nerve pain is the worst at night. Some nights I wanted to cry or worse yet I wanted to scream, out of pain and frustration that I could do nothing about it. The Gabapentin is helping the night pain, but I am beginning to suffer side effects that may mean I have to stop taking it. I don't know where the doctor will go next. I know I need major surgery to correct my L4, which has slipped out of alignment 7.3 mm. However, they want to put off the surgery until my other simpler surgery on my L5-S1 has completely healed. I am starting physical therapy next week and that should help. Then they will use steroid shots, which I'm not looking forward to, but are much less painful than major surgery will be. My brother had the surgery and he said the pain he had is gone, although his surgeon said he would still have pain, he was just helping him be able to walk. I'm not at that point yet, thankfully. I feel for you and hope you get some relief. Is surgery an option for you?
Hi thanks for your caring AND responding. I am still wary to say very much, I did earlier and then felt that it wasn't safe. I have HUGE trust concerns. This comes from childhood.
I am told by my pain Dr. that the neuropothy is from damage to my upper cervical area and the severe stenosis in my lower and mid back. I have an appointment with he neurosurgeon in the morning. He is the neurosurgeon who implanted the spine stimulator, this was in February last year It has helped but now it doesn't work as well as it did at first. I was told when they put it in that surgery may be my only option to stay out of a wheel chair. When I posted last, several folks said they knew first hand of people who have had back surgery and it turned out good, I have been very Leary of back surgery because I had heard so many horror stories. But that was back in 1980's and I know that medicine has advanced greatly since then. Please keep me posted about your surgery, not only curious about the outcome, but also how you are.
Thanks for caring and reaching ou 🙂 tPEACE & LOVE...JJ
To everyone. I am dreadfully sorry to have set off an alarm!!!!!!! I am okay and only now checked the forum. To the moderators and everyone, please let me know how i should connect if something is scary for me. I took 4 valium. 5 mg. Each. So that would be 20 mg. At one time. The last time i became so distressed was when i was at my son's funeral in August. I took 4 valium to numb the pain. His suicide, and walking in his blood, was too much for me. His birthday and the anniversary of his 5 month death was on the same day, january 13th. I have not been quite right since then. I left all my support and therapist in north carolina when i moved 6 weeks after eddie died. I live in pagosa springs, colorado and the closest town is durango, 60 miles away. There is no support for survivors of suicide loss , made more complex by my clinical depression and PTSD flashbacks to the scene of his death. At least in this town. Suicide is a hush hush word to those who have not experienced it. And the people around me, even my friends, have criticized me and called me self serving and uncaring about others who have lost loved ones.
That is because when i first got here in october, in hopes of trying to recover, i had seen a grief counselor who told me that the stress of a suicide loss survivor, or murder events or military PTSD, etc. ...... This process is called traumatic, complex grief and is treated differently in terms of therapy. All grief is traumatic and horrible....but under certain extremely traumatic events, it's kind of like peeliing an onion..... So many layers.
When i tried to talk about this to my friends, they turned away from me. They told me that what i was really saying was that "my loss is greater than theirs."
The only way to deal with all this is to just repress everything and put on a happy face and say i feel great. But then when his birthday and death anniversary happened the same day......there really isn't anywhere to turn. More on next reply.
Dear Sweet Soul .
People can be so cruel without even intending to. When my husband died so many well meaning people would say things about how he was better off and in a better place, I wanted to scream at them. The pain is so intense that your brain cannot get past it. I had great help from the palliative nurse that went thru the process of his dying. She told me to scream my head off, take a pillow and beat the crap out of something, it helps to relieve stress. Seemed really silly to me, but when I did it, it did help. I lost the love of my life, literally...15 years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. The only reason I did not commit suicide was because I promised him that I would not. Our pain is GREATER than some one else's because it is our pain, we live with it 24/7 and no one with the exception of our self can relieve it. Others do mean well, but it is usually because they truly do not understand and they don't know what to say or do. Hang on sweet lady, keep talking, keep reaching out and try not to keep it to yourself. Hopefully this group of folks will be here for you. Hopefully guilt is not an issue, if it is, remember a person makes this decision to do something on thier own. We all make our own choices. May seem hard, but I believe it is true.
peace & love....jj
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@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12 @safetyshield @jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts @overwhelmed @ihatediabetes @johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
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1 ReactionEmotional safety is so important for all of us I believe. Without feeling safe I hold back and don't share myself fully. I wait until I know the others I am with better. My mentor taught me to use the "inch worm" rule, which was, give an inch of vulnerability and if the other per person gives an inch of vulnerability, it is safe to give another inch, and so on. That way I don't lay myself out there to have my heart trampled on. That way, I know it is safe to share and be fully who I am. This has worked in my life, and the more I have made this part of my repertoire of behavior, the safer I feel. I now am able to be myself in nearly all situations. Before learning this, I was unable to even be myself with my (now) exhusband.
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3 Reactions@gailb I like your "inch worm" rule - what a great "safety behavior"! Implementing safe behaviors and finding safe places is sooo important. Can anyone else contribute to our conversation about finding safety? @jimhd @johnhans @lesbatts @georgette12 @rspaulling @ihatediabetes
I think my safe place is in the woods surrounded by trees and maybe a brook running through. I sit by the brook and just listen. The psychologist I see said that running water and rhythmic sounds are associated with inner healing. I think it's true. I can spend a lot of time out there just listening. I also take photos and load them on Facebook. So people get to see which parks I'm visiting. I'm actually becoming somewhat an authority on local hiking. I think it's also a hobby and exercise. There are many studies on the mental health benefits of hiking. Humans do tend to relax when in nature. The endocrinologist said in my notes that I should continue with exercise program in form of hiking for diabetes and mental stability. So I'm doctor approved.
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5 Reactions@ihatediabetes Great ideas that combine inner calm and exercise, which is always helpful in maintaining good mental health. Teresa
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1 ReactionI really love your reply. My most grounding and calming experiences are when I connect with nature. My husband and I take our 5th wheel and go camping as often as we can. I always coback refreshed, grounded, and knowing what my real priorities are.
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Hug
4 ReactionsThank you so much Colleen. I have already checked out the information that is posted, and I will check out your blog as well. This is something I may want to do. Gail B.
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Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsYes it's wonderful. I got some snowshoes and poles so I could keep going out in the snow. Now I get on snowshoes trails and they cut right through the trees. The leaves have dropped so you can see really well. There are deer tracks out there. I have learned to layer my clothes and I carry a light backpack. Maybe since you have 5th wheel you can volunteer as a camp host during spring through fall. They are recruiting camp hosts for Minnesota state parks. It's free camping but you have to help out and keep watch on things. It seems like nice way to camp for free and help people.
-
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Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHi thanks for your caring AND responding. I am still wary to say very much, I did earlier and then felt that it wasn't safe. I have HUGE trust concerns. This comes from childhood.
I am told by my pain Dr. that the neuropothy is from damage to my upper cervical area and the severe stenosis in my lower and mid back. I have an appointment with he neurosurgeon in the morning. He is the neurosurgeon who implanted the spine stimulator, this was in February last year It has helped but now it doesn't work as well as it did at first. I was told when they put it in that surgery may be my only option to stay out of a wheel chair. When I posted last, several folks said they knew first hand of people who have had back surgery and it turned out good, I have been very Leary of back surgery because I had heard so many horror stories. But that was back in 1980's and I know that medicine has advanced greatly since then. Please keep me posted about your surgery, not only curious about the outcome, but also how you are.
Thanks for caring and reaching ou 🙂 tPEACE & LOVE...JJ
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Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionDear Sweet Soul .
People can be so cruel without even intending to. When my husband died so many well meaning people would say things about how he was better off and in a better place, I wanted to scream at them. The pain is so intense that your brain cannot get past it. I had great help from the palliative nurse that went thru the process of his dying. She told me to scream my head off, take a pillow and beat the crap out of something, it helps to relieve stress. Seemed really silly to me, but when I did it, it did help. I lost the love of my life, literally...15 years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. The only reason I did not commit suicide was because I promised him that I would not. Our pain is GREATER than some one else's because it is our pain, we live with it 24/7 and no one with the exception of our self can relieve it. Others do mean well, but it is usually because they truly do not understand and they don't know what to say or do. Hang on sweet lady, keep talking, keep reaching out and try not to keep it to yourself. Hopefully this group of folks will be here for you. Hopefully guilt is not an issue, if it is, remember a person makes this decision to do something on thier own. We all make our own choices. May seem hard, but I believe it is true.
peace & love....jj