What is the best thing to say?

You just described my husband! Thank you for validating my feelings!!

You are very welcome! I will respond to anyone and I also will take constructive criticism when needed.
🫂

Dear Captain. You will get upset sometimes. As humans who love and are caregivers get frustrated. My technique is redirecting. For instance if my husband is upset about something. I usually say "What is causing you to be upset"? How can I help to make it easier for you? Can you explain how you are feeling? Are you anxious, mad, etc. I usually get a comment that makes sense ..but sometimes I am perplexed. I don't give up. I have had 3 people in my family who have or had Parkinsons. It is hard and I lost my Dad in 2018. My brother is in Stage 5 and is in Hospice. He is 67 yo. This disease may potentially effect someone else in my family. But when my spouse was diagnosed that threw me in to despair. I found out twelve day's after my Dad passed. I was suspicious long before that. Sorry so long. Just wanted you to know I have been around this disease for a long time. 🫂

Thank you for your kind words.
We don’t have any children so k am the caregiver and recently his blood work showed a big increase in jus PSA after a visit to the oncologist we were told his cancer is back after surgery and radiation. He is being put on ADT which will be keep the cancer from spreading. He has one pill for 14 days then a shot this will be on going for who knows how long. I haven’t mentioned the C word just that this a preventative measure. And life goes on, most of the time all is well. I just agree it makes life easier. I can’t see moving we both love it here and I think it would be stressful for him to get used to something new. Like you we will persevere. Thanks for your message. 😍

You just described my husband! He tries to fix things and messes it up. I stay several steps ahead . Trash, Recycle, bills, repairs. Cleaning up the yard after a storm. Water plants and of course clean up the house. Sometimes I am so tired I just want a day that I do nothing at all. Nope I at least have to cook . I won't let my spouse touch things in the kitchen. He does not always remember what to do. His hands shake and I certainly don't want a fire or him cut on knives ,etc. I know it is hard for him to not help. I engage in anyway I can. That helps him feel like he is part of decisions and miscellaneous stuff. But he is a bull in a China shop. He has forgotten how to do so many things together. Games, special things he would do for me like flowers and a nice card. Last Christmas I let him off at a Hallmark store and he bought 3 beautiful cards. Christmas, my Birthday and our Anniversary. He was so happy about it. I think the little things matter. We spent Christmas in another state. I did not decorate for the first time in 51 yrs. I love how he took the time to write which he does not do well because of shaking hands. Love was in his eyes when he gave me my card's on each of those events with the biggest smile 😃

I can relate to what you said…happens so often in our day. My husband states that his memory is gone and everything is so confusing and he’s glad I’m here to help him….then when frustration sets in he tells me that I’m useless and good for nothing. It hurts but I try to remember that he’s sick….😢

Hello.
You obviously love your spouse. I was able to use that as a reason to accept how he treated me. I have learned that I am not able to always do that each time. My spouse has called me names that I will not repeat for no reason at all. He will get on the phone and be pleasant to other family members. He does the same with his friends. He is like a light switch that he turns on and off. He than will start blaming me or yelling at me for something that did not happen. I hope you are able to continue as you are doing now. I have been dealing with this since 2013. I am a strong individual but, after awhile it gets hurtful and tiring. 🫂

You have to remember to take care of yourself. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.

As I sit here wanting to scream I am so grateful for being able to vent here. I don’t feel I can or want to tell my close friends how things are progressing, I don’t think they understand. I have one friend close by who knows how things are but even then I don’t want to overload on her and spend our special time only talking about this?
My husband wants to help so badly, he just finished the dishes and took the garbage out but now in the middle of me making a new recipe he keeps asking what can he do? Meanwhile I forget what I am doing? I feel like my brain will explode. I just took my blood pressure it was 115 over 66 so obviously that is not effected. He just came into the bedroom where I am and said would you try and help me do things so I will remember? Because he so desperately wants to help. I now feel as small as a pea. So I shall take a deep breath and go and finish my cooking. Thanks everyone.

I get it. I feel exhausted as whatever I ask of my husband kindly and or directly he asks so many questions, doesn't remember my responses and often does not complete the task which leaves me tired giving instruction and finding doing double duty as well to get the job redone or completed from turning on the dishwasher to watering plants. Having an hour to myself is bliss. I call it sacred space. I think any carer needs this. I work on getting this to re-fill my cup ( which recently has felt like there is a crack in it. )