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What is the best thing to say?
My husband was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago. He nearly daily asks when he forgets things or when he is upset with himself, "What is wrong with me?" Honesty seems too make him even more anxious, like if I say yes, you forgot that or you have dementia. I know that might be too blunt, and I have attempted to say to him something like, what do you need for me or
what's going on? But he's unable to respond to that or even have a conversation without again getting more angry. I'd appreciate any advice as to what I could say that could be kind, tolerant and helpful. Thank you in advance.
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You just described my husband! Thank you for validating my feelings!!
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2 ReactionsYou are very welcome! I will respond to anyone and I also will take constructive criticism when needed.
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Dear Captain. You will get upset sometimes. As humans who love and are caregivers get frustrated. My technique is redirecting. For instance if my husband is upset about something. I usually say "What is causing you to be upset"? How can I help to make it easier for you? Can you explain how you are feeling? Are you anxious, mad, etc. I usually get a comment that makes sense ..but sometimes I am perplexed. I don't give up. I have had 3 people in my family who have or had Parkinsons. It is hard and I lost my Dad in 2018. My brother is in Stage 5 and is in Hospice. He is 67 yo. This disease may potentially effect someone else in my family. But when my spouse was diagnosed that threw me in to despair. I found out twelve day's after my Dad passed. I was suspicious long before that. Sorry so long. Just wanted you to know I have been around this disease for a long time. 🫂
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1 ReactionThank you for your kind words.
We don’t have any children so k am the caregiver and recently his blood work showed a big increase in jus PSA after a visit to the oncologist we were told his cancer is back after surgery and radiation. He is being put on ADT which will be keep the cancer from spreading. He has one pill for 14 days then a shot this will be on going for who knows how long. I haven’t mentioned the C word just that this a preventative measure. And life goes on, most of the time all is well. I just agree it makes life easier. I can’t see moving we both love it here and I think it would be stressful for him to get used to something new. Like you we will persevere. Thanks for your message. 😍
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1 ReactionYou just described my husband! He tries to fix things and messes it up. I stay several steps ahead . Trash, Recycle, bills, repairs. Cleaning up the yard after a storm. Water plants and of course clean up the house. Sometimes I am so tired I just want a day that I do nothing at all. Nope I at least have to cook . I won't let my spouse touch things in the kitchen. He does not always remember what to do. His hands shake and I certainly don't want a fire or him cut on knives ,etc. I know it is hard for him to not help. I engage in anyway I can. That helps him feel like he is part of decisions and miscellaneous stuff. But he is a bull in a China shop. He has forgotten how to do so many things together. Games, special things he would do for me like flowers and a nice card. Last Christmas I let him off at a Hallmark store and he bought 3 beautiful cards. Christmas, my Birthday and our Anniversary. He was so happy about it. I think the little things matter. We spent Christmas in another state. I did not decorate for the first time in 51 yrs. I love how he took the time to write which he does not do well because of shaking hands. Love was in his eyes when he gave me my card's on each of those events with the biggest smile 😃