Obsessions and Selfishness: Just need to vent

I am in agreement about the simple things lost. Like watching a movie together. We are not quite there totally but there is minimal interest in many enjoyable things we did in the past. WIth a limited attention span even going out to enjoy the summer yard does not bring pleasure. It becomes more difficult to share experiences and find common ground.

I value honesty so I don't like lying to my husband, even about little things, like the caregiver support group I attend once a month. I tell him it's a group of women who discuss aging. It includes men and is for caregivers of someone with dementia. He doesn't admit he has Alzheimer's and I don't want to make him anxious or sad. I guess the kindest thing is to tell "white lies" if that will keep him on an even keel. I'm taking over more of the routine tasks around the house without saying anything and he seems relieved that I do. He has certain things he prides himself on doing and I'll let him keep doing them as long as he can: unload the dishwasher, make the bed, take out the garbage, things like that. This business doesn't get easier but I'm getting better at handling it.

This site has been life saving, thank you all.

I just read what I wrote. My that must’ve been a really bad bad day. Hasn’t been like that since nothing that I can’t handle other than we now have another problem because his prostrate cancer has returned and now he has to be on a ADT.
Pills and a shot so hopefully that will be doable. I didn’t mention the C word to him. I just told him that this was a preventative procedure.?
I haven’t told anyone other than my best friend since if we meet someone, I don’t want them to accidentally say I am so sorry in front of him. I consider this just another hurdle since this is the third time it has come back.

You could have written that for me? All we can do is take it a day at a time. 😍

I have been reading through all the comments and posts in the area of a spouse with MCI. It’s nice to know I am not alone. My husband is 76 and just isn’t the guy he used to be. We still go out, see friends, and do things but it’s not the same anymore. If we are at trivia (which we have gone to at a local place for literally years) when it is over he is irritated if we don’t leave right away. We go with friends for the socializing, the food, the fun. It’s gotten so it’s really not fun, I try to say “just a few more minutes” and he is quite obviously unhappy and appears bored or disinterested. We tried playing cards at a senior center, something we both like to do. He was so “rub your face in it” when he won a game another player actually asked him why he has to act like that. His answer “ because I can”.
At home he spends his day in a chair watching the news channels and reading his iPad. He will do nothing around the house. I have to repeatedly ask “did you…”. Then he gets angry and jumps up waving his arms saying “I’ll get right on it”. Most of the time it’s a reminder of something he said he was going to do, and didn’t. He is capable of helping out but doesn’t until I get angry. I have RA and need help with some things. He knows this and can be caring with words, but rarely with actions. Asking him or reminding him of anything results in what I call his martyr personality. He hears everything as a giant criticism or an intrusion on his day of sitting in front of the tv and gets angry. It’s getting so I hardly bring up anything except light comments about unimportant things. I have started to mostly sit in another room. Then I feel guilty because he spends his day alone with his iPad and tv. I can only listen to news stations these days for brief amounts of time. The hashing and rehashing of current issues and happenings is just disheartening and serves no real purpose to my mind. Yet he sits there. He has no hobbies, no man friends. I do have friends, I teach one day a week, I like to get out shopping, socializing. He never wants to come with me. Yet, anything he might see offered he would like to attend it’s always we have to go, or do it, together. I know I am just venting. What is, is. It is just hard. He used to be neatly dressed, always sociable….the life of the party. Now if he goes that route it’s with mostly with inappropriate comments, dress, or actions. It’s just hard. I am so glad there is a place to let it all out!

Boy, do I get it! My husband spends most of the day in front of the TV or asleep when he's not out telling people the same stories about his life that he's told a million times already, often to the same people. Fortunately, he's good-natured and tries to be helpful, which can itself be annoying when he wants to do little things that I can easily and more conveniently do myself, like open the refrigerator or stir my tea. He interrupts me all the time, asking,"Is there anything I can do to help?" He could pull the weeds that are choking our backyard but he'd rather stand outside greeting the dogs and their owners who pass by. Petty, petty, petty. That's how this all sounds, but the worst is, as you say, the person he once was and the couple we used to be are not at all the same. Yes, I love this site. I feel I can say anything and not be judged and no one knows who I am. There's freedom in that. Best wishes to you.

I have the same with helping. Always something I can do, get a drink of water, pick up a paper I dropped, etc.
I too wish he would do something that needs to be done, trim the bushes, empty the dehumidifier, come to the grocery store to help….. but as I said, what is, is. I too am thankful for this site. I have been to counseling for help in trying to cope. But sharing with people who are there, or have been there works better.

My spouse use to cook dinners, but a couple of over salted mashed potatoes caused her to lose that job. The other night she was washing the dishes by hand. I explained why we had a dishwasher, to sanitize the dishes and flatware. So I've taken over that chore too. It is like having two teenagers in the house again.

I've told myself that there will probably be a time I will look into 'visiting angels' and I've already spoke to her brother and sister about where the best care home would be located and work out best for all concerned. I have a fantasy of flying to Scotland and touring in a rented car for a week. Planning for the future helps to keeps me sane.

So glad I read all this today! We all need to vent once in a while or I think we would just blow up at an inopportune time!
My husband has MCI - though he tells the doctors he's fine, knows what's going on etc etc - which to some degree he does. But he works very hard lately at putting on that image the few times we're out - I call it his public image. He is declining and it's getting more and more frustrating on a daily basis. The difficult side of him has become more pronounced - and more upsetting. Some days I can't stand it. Fortunately I still work so I have a bit of an outlet. Like elliottw - I too think about making plans where I don't have to deal with all this - a peaceful, fun trip somewhere, just me and my dog. So thankful for this site where there are people who understand.