Anyone dealing with a spouse or partner who is an alcoholic?

I wish my husband would see this. Congratulations to you! 🥰

I run support groups through Learn to Cope: learn2cope.org. We have meetings every night of the week; most are on Zoom, so it doesn't matter where you're physically located. We offer resources and most importantly, hope, for people struggling with their loved ones substance use.

Yes, I can relate. I’ve had the talk with him and it slowed down his intake for a short time. When he drinks mixed drinks, that’s when he drinks too much and falls down. I refuse to buy his alcohol, but he gets it anyway. When he was in hospital for1 day tests he was very crabby with me and staff people (withdrawal) Just as bad! I figure I can deal with it by keeping activities out of the home for my sanity or get divorced. He refuses to attend any counseling or get any help. I did attend AlAcon for people like us that deal with a family member that drinks. It helps. Best wishes!

Does anyone ever notice that in all discussions we all talk about the victims of the addict what the addict is causing everyone? Shouldn't we also question the addict like hey why is he/she drinking so much what happened in there life that made then use to numb or try to numb what is it they need to come to terms with look me of all people get the victim part I do I was one and I'm also on the other side too but 9 times out of 10 the addict is being enabled by the same person calling victim so in all actuality the "victim" is bring it on correct 🤔 I'm just asking for all sides not trying to be rood or disrespectful at all I am struggling with alcohol myself I'm currently on day 2 of no drinking and all I want to do is get completely trashed right now n not have to think about life

Hi I am a 38 year old woman with a heart aneurysm, pumanary edema, and in heart failure. I am a mother to 3 kids that I hardly see, that will come out in the story! Well let's see I had a great job my babies all the time, thought I had a great guy then started to figure out he led a double life got worse from there abuse and he did everything he could to make me suffer so here I am now with no kids I'm homeless addicted to alcohol bad dieing and all I want is to find my way but I'm so lost I don't think I can I need help I've begged and get no where the man I am with now is horrible let's me stay there then kicks me out constant 😢 idk what to do anymore where to go or start I have no support or family or anyone on my side just wanna know where I can go what I can do I want my life and my babies back so bad

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, I can just speak for myself. People did ask and tried over decades to help me. I saw therapists, shrinks and went to treatment several times. I had to make the decision to stop and only then could I even try to figure out what parts of my life I needed to look at. I have been sober for awhile and AA saved me, but I also attend therapy for the issues, you raise. The things that happened to me over the years. There is a physical part to addiction as well as a psychological/emotional part. I am proud of you for two days of being sober. I suggest going to some kind of meeting (AA, NA, etc.) The meetings help answer the questions you pose here. Some people are genetically predisposed to addiction, some may not be, regardless, in my experience, my drinking and using drugs to numb became a necessity to live which in actuality was slowly killing me. I hope you remain sober JUST TODAY. It is so much better and easier to deal with one day, hour, minute of not picking up a drink or drug, if that is what it takes. Hang in there.

I suggest going to A.A. You do not have to speak. Just go and listen. I do not know where you live, but there are probably resources for you to get out of the house of the man that is abusive. There are resources that can get you into housing as well. Some even will allow the children to come with you. I would suggest calling SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. I am putting the link to their website below. They can advise you on resources in your area.
https://www.samhsa.gov/

I don't know where you live either, but if you Text: “HOPE” to 800327 you will get someone to speak with to help navigate your situation. You can also call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Good luck!

Hi @tinameyer121212. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

You’ve brought up an important point—addiction is incredibly complex. It’s like a bowl of spaghetti: everything’s tangled, twisted together, and it’s hard to tell where it starts or ends. Addiction impacts everything and everyone it touches. The only real way out is for each person to work on their own recovery—whether that’s the person struggling with addiction, or the family members, spouses, kids, or partners affected by it.

@diverdown1 and @linnie52 have provided you with some great resources to help in the immediate future.

A couple additional resources are:
-United Way - dial 211 from any phone
Free, confidential service that connects people to local services, including emergency housing, shelters, and legal help.
Website: 211.org
-National Coalition for the Homeless- 202.462.4822
Offers resources for individuals facing homelessness or unsafe housing, including shelters and legal referrals.
Website: Nationalhomeless.org

Take it one step at a time

@tinameyer121212- If you could wave a magic wand and wake up tomorrow with everything exactly the way you want it, what would that look like?

@mic129- how have things been going for you over the past few months? Have you had a chance to attend any AL-ANON meetings lately?

I believe it's important to encourage without accepting the addiction