1. < Caregivers: Dementia

What were the first dementia signs you noticed?

Posted by bclane @bclane, Dec 22, 2024

My husband has vascular dementia as a result of at least 7 TIAs and 1 larger stroke as shown on an MRI. The only one we were aware of was a TIA in 2016. I'm guessing that some or all of the others may have happened in his sleep because there were no obvious signs like there were with the 2016 one.

Anyway, I've been thinking back to things that seemed "off" well before I started suspecting a problem. One thing was that he started mixing up pronouns. He'd refer to a female pet as "he" and vice-versa. He still does and he mostly does it with animals. He'll also tell a male pet that's he's a "good girl" and vice-versa.

When it first happened, it became a joke, but now I wonder if that was one of the first signs that something wasn't functioning the way it should. I'm curious if others can think of things that seemed "off" before the problem became obvious.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

pierwell | @pierwell | 1 day ago
In reply to @significantother "I wish I could tell you something that would help, but all I can do is..." + (show)
@significantother

I wish I could tell you something that would help, but all I can do is let you know I care about what you're going through. I guess one thing that helped me in a way was realizing that he can't help it. Those times when I thought he hadn't been listening to me, he really just couldn't remember what I had said. I remembered arguments where I thought he was being unreasonable. Now I realize, he really CAN'T reason anymore. Now I try to comfort him instead of arguing. I stopped pointing out the mistakes he makes and try now to just love him the best I can. I'm sending prayers for you.

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That’s where I am, too. I bite my tongue a hundred times a day because I know it’s the disease I’m mad at, not my dear husband.

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judimahoney | @judimahoney | 23 hours ago

Hi, my first red flag was my husband offering his alcoholic sister a glass of wine. Then he laughed upon hearing that his sister had to put her dog down (started having inappropriate reactions to information).
That stare someone else mentioned that just looked so vacant and emotion-less.
Also, my husband stopped doing things around the house and stopped outdoor chores like mowing. He now has to be asked to help out, no self-direction anymore and no higher-level executive functioning, and trouble figuring out what I think are simple tasks.
I know he's just going to get worse and my heart breaks for both of us.

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bclane | @bclane | 22 hours ago
In reply to @trishaanderson "I’ve never seen anyone mention this, but even before my husband was diagnosed, it was a..." + (show)
@trishaanderson

I’ve never seen anyone mention this, but even before my husband was diagnosed, it was a look in his eyes.
His soft blue-green eyes seemed to get dark and distant, like maybe his brain was trying to figure out what was happening. It’s been 13 years since his diagnosis, and I still see it at times.

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Talk about timing! A few days ago, I drove my husband to where we used to live (3 hours one-way) for a lunch with all the guys who used to play racquetball with him. A few family members also showed up. Of course, lots of pictures were taken and that kind of vacant look in my husband's eyes (and in the eyes of one of his old friends who was sitting next to him, which makes me wonder if he's having trouble) was so obvious compared to the others in the picture. I'd never really been consciously aware of that before seeing it in a picture in comparison with others.

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