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Depression and Chronic Pain
I have been dealing with episodes of major depression and dysthmia since I was a teenager and now I am in my 50's and have moderate to severe arthritis in my lower back and knees along with chronic daily migraines and I am in pain just about every minute of every day. I wake up in the morning disappointed that I am still alive and have to go through another day. I feel that I am a huge burden on my family and am nothing but a "shell" full of negativity. I don't have a decent doctor who will work with me to address all of my problems and help me with other methods since I can't take opiod meds and NSAIDS (I had bariatric surgery) and now my insurance company wants to stop paying for my weekly therapy sessions (they're cutting them back to twice a month.
I feel so hopeless and trapped. I don't want to live like this. I will never end my life, though, because I know what suicide would do to my family and I would never put them through that. I used to be able to work and that was how I coped; I'm no longer able to work and it's killing me. I have no one to talk to that understands and doesn't mind listening to someone who is not Miss Bubbly and full of interesting stories to tell. Insights anyone?
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@sharlynn62- I know that having these feelings is very hard. It feels as if the world is closing in on you, it's cyclic. My suggestion is to try and take one thing at a time. Your feeling of being a burden is very common with depression. We just can't seem to feel good about anything! You didn't mention if you are taking any medications. Can you tell us if your have?
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2 ReactionsEveryone, this post by @sharlynn62, originated in 2016. We don’t know if she's still having an issue. Please notice the year, as well as the month and day of the posts as they are cumulative. I've commented on old posts several times myself.
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3 ReactionsOH my goodness. I'm sorry.
@merpreb I have that dark voice that tells me I don’t deserve to feel good. Wondering if anyone else with depression feels the same way. I don’t believe I am undeserving yet that old message seems to return. I keep as busy as I can. I am sad for what others go through. Medications were a disaster. I am thankful I stumbled up this community as I am continually learning. A fortunate stumble thus far.
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5 Reactions@parus- WOW- you too? I have felt that way so long, not doing things because of that. But this year I am finally saying to myself that I don't want to feel awful because I don't deserve them, I just want to feel better. So after an awful time with PTSD I am finally hushing that dark voice. I don't want to hear it anymore! It repeats itself too many times! I am pleased that you stay busy. What happened when you took meds? I have to.
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5 Reactions@merpreb I also have PTSD. That dark voice comes from the past. There are times it is hard to silence the rage of that voice.
Medications messed with me in ways that are difficult to talk about.
A call from a sibling is upsetting. Why I am struggling for now. She and my mother found pleasure in tormenting me. Brings that back.
Sorry as I get dragged back to a place that no one needs to experience.
I am working on trying to not beat myself up when I do something I enjoy and that it is okay and it is only the past trying to still punish me. Working on it.
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5 Reactions@parus- I think that all depression begins in childhood! I am sorry to hear about your family's behavior. Some people can be very mean, even in families.
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1 ReactionYou are not alone...Keep writing your thought down, hopefully the energy and support you receive from this group will help you cope better.
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4 ReactionsHi, @tiredat61 - you mentioned being in worse shape, I believe with dealing with pain as well as depression? Will you share more about that?
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2 ReactionsMerry, it's the families that often hurt us the worst. If you in your life have not experienced that, you are truly blessed. I can so identify with the thoughts expressed here. I want to encourage everyone who has lived through these kinds of things and come out on the other side, to know that they are not alone. There is strength in numbers. Shared pain is lessened. When I can reflect on my words that I want to say, I will share more of this. I do not want to trigger anyone by revealing my stories regarding toxic family behavior. So I will simply say this. Enjoy your holidays! Do the things. Have the fun. Live your life. Because you, precious friend, deserve it. Of all people, you deserve it. You survived. And now, you can thrive.
Until later,
Mamacita
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5 Reactions